1 in 30 risk for downs? Help

[kit10grl]

So you cant see at all why people saying that having a child like mine who isn't 'normal' would be the worst thing that could happen to them might be upsetting?

Its beyond hard to be the parent of a child with additional needs and honestly I read threads like these because i remember how scared I was during my pregnancy of the unknown and want to help encourage people going through what i went through.

 

[Sabster]

We also did the testing and came back with ''medium'' range risk...whatever that means. The whole thing is very stressful and you need to remember that its ratio based and that just your age changes everything in the ratio. Someone here had a child in their 40's and the child was perfectly fine. At the end of the day you have to do what's right for you, but I totally understand that it can be very stressful and it requires to ask yourself some very hard questions.

I dont understand why termination is such a big deal, it shouldnt be so taboo. Sometimes you have to make really hard decisions and you have to make decisions that fit your moral compass. its a serious issue and it shouldnt just be reserved for a special forum.

Kit, please dont feel like you are being signled out. Having a child that has additional needs requires next level selflessness and unstoppable dedication. Im glad to see that you are doing it and im sure there are many challenges you have to face day in and day out , but not everyone is willing OR able to make that sort of compromise...

 

[StranjeGirl]

So you cant see at all why people saying that having a child like mine who isn't 'normal' would be the worst thing that could happen to them might be upsetting?

Its beyond hard to be the parent of a child with additional needs and honestly I read threads like these because i remember how scared I was during my pregnancy of the unknown and want to help encourage people going through what i went through.

That's not what I said. I have no idea what your child is like. What I said is I can't see how it would be upsetting that finding out your child has down syndrome wouldn't be the worst thing because you don't have a crystal ball to know what will happen in the end. If the dr said "your child has down syndrome, but will be born without major health conditions and live to an old age" then it wouldn't be the worst thing. Unfortunately many children with down syndrome die before birth or as children. Receiving news that your child may have a condition that causes them pain, suffering and possibly death is absolutely the worst thing a parent can hear. That is what I meant. It had nothing to do with your particular child, or any particular child. It has to do with the unknown and increased risk of very serious issues that often accompany chromosomal issues. I have a friend who lost her baby due to chromosomal issues. That is what the fear is about. And I didn't know OP meant she was terminating the pregnancy. I agree that is insensitive to say...but that was not said in this post and there was no way of knowing that.

 

[kit10grl]

Raising my child isnt a compromise though. Thats the point im making it upsets me that people look at my life and think i compromised somehow. Our lives are good, my child is happy and unaware that she is different.


And for the record My amnio was clear I was having one of these '100% healthy and normal babies' that everyone thinks a clear amnio promises. What do those who cant or wont compromise do then?

 

[Luvspnk31]

We also did the testing and came back with ''medium'' range risk...whatever that means. The whole thing is very stressful and you need to remember that its ratio based and that just your age changes everything in the ratio. Someone here had a child in their 40's and the child was perfectly fine. At the end of the day you have to do what's right for you, but I totally understand that it can be very stressful and it requires to ask yourself some very hard questions.

I dont understand why termination is such a big deal, it shouldnt be so taboo. Sometimes you have to make really hard decisions and you have to make decisions that fit your moral compass. its a serious issue and it shouldnt just be reserved for a special forum.

Kit, please dont feel like you are being signled out. Having a child that has additional needs requires next level selflessness and unstoppable dedication. Im glad to see that you are doing it and im sure there are many challenges you have to face day in and day out , but not everyone is willing OR able to make that sort of compromise...

Termination should be a big deal, and not used for mere convienence. Regardless of the outcome, it should be a last resort. It should not be taken lightly. And regardless of your personal feelings, it IS a very sensitive topic for a lot of people. That's why its in a closed forum. Take it up with the admins if u think it should be different.

 

[ab75]

We also did the testing and came back with ''medium'' range risk...whatever that means. The whole thing is very stressful and you need to remember that its ratio based and that just your age changes everything in the ratio. Someone here had a child in their 40's and the child was perfectly fine. At the end of the day you have to do what's right for you, but I totally understand that it can be very stressful and it requires to ask yourself some very hard questions.

I dont understand why termination is such a big deal, it shouldnt be so taboo. Sometimes you have to make really hard decisions and you have to make decisions that fit your moral compass. its a serious issue and it shouldnt just be reserved for a special forum.

Kit, please dont feel like you are being signled out. Having a child that has additional needs requires next level selflessness and unstoppable dedication. Im glad to see that you are doing it and im sure there are many challenges you have to face day in and day out , but not everyone is willing OR able to make that sort of compromise...

Termination should be a big deal, and not used for mere convienence. Regardless of the outcome, it should be a last resort. It should not be taken lightly. And regardless of your personal feelings, it IS a very sensitive topic for a lot of people. That's why its in a closed forum. Take it up with the admins if u think it should be different.

Agree 100%. I could offer my opinions on termination but don't want to get into an argument with anybody.
There are reasons why it is in a closed forum!

 

[Sabster]

We also did the testing and came back with ''medium'' range risk...whatever that means. The whole thing is very stressful and you need to remember that its ratio based and that just your age changes everything in the ratio. Someone here had a child in their 40's and the child was perfectly fine. At the end of the day you have to do what's right for you, but I totally understand that it can be very stressful and it requires to ask yourself some very hard questions.

I dont understand why termination is such a big deal, it shouldnt be so taboo. Sometimes you have to make really hard decisions and you have to make decisions that fit your moral compass. its a serious issue and it shouldnt just be reserved for a special forum.

Kit, please dont feel like you are being signled out. Having a child that has additional needs requires next level selflessness and unstoppable dedication. Im glad to see that you are doing it and im sure there are many challenges you have to face day in and day out , but not everyone is willing OR able to make that sort of compromise...

Termination should be a big deal, and not used for mere convienence. Regardless of the outcome, it should be a last resort. It should not be taken lightly. And regardless of your personal feelings, it IS a very sensitive topic for a lot of people. That's why its in a closed forum. Take it up with the admins if u think it should be different.

I meant discussing termination. Not termination in of itself. It's important to discuss sensitive topics to learn, grow and become more open as to why people do what they do. Otherwise we just stary ignorant and dialogue ceases to exist.

 

[Sabster]

Raising my child isnt a compromise though. Thats the point im making it upsets me that people look at my life and think i compromised somehow. Our lives are good, my child is happy and unaware that she is different.


And for the record My amnio was clear I was having one of these '100% healthy and normal babies' that everyone thinks a clear amnio promises. What do those who cant or wont compromise do then?

It's great that you dont feel its a compromise, but maybe its not a universal feeling. I feel that having a child period is a compromise. I have to give up a lot to become a mother and my child is not even here but I also know it will have a lot of upsides. All I know is that things are going to change and that's cool. This is something I wanted but it doesn`t mean it will be easy. Change is never easy. As for those who cant or wont compromise... : No clue.


I do have a friend and like your experience, her amnio was clear but when the baby was born he had Down Syndrome. its been a rollercoaster but they are very happy and luckily they have had a lot of support from various associations. Also went on to have more kids! so I guess that says a lot.

 

[Laylagirl]

Raising my child isnt a compromise though. Thats the point im making it upsets me that people look at my life and think i compromised somehow. Our lives are good, my child is happy and unaware that she is different.


And for the record My amnio was clear I was having one of these '100% healthy and normal babies' that everyone thinks a clear amnio promises. What do those who cant or wont compromise do then?

You said earlier that you read these forums to help encourage the mothers who face these challenges...yet you judge and speak against them for not using the same language as you or not choosing the same thing as you..that's hardly encouraging and in your original response to the OP you sounded judgmental. Then you go on to say that you're "only asking for sensitivity"....doesn't the OP or anyone in these situations deserve sensitivity? We may not know what you go through everyday, but we have lots of sensitivity towards ANY woman with ANY fear for her unborn child or children already here..... I can honestly say that if I was faced with tests with "abnormal" vs "normal" results (and just like a PP stated those results are called normal because of the range they fall in, and has NOTHING to do with you or your child) I would be devastated.... Devastated because I can only imagine how difficult it would be for not only myself, but for the child as well...and I would want to know the highest chance there is so I can educate myself on prognosis or treatments (if available) or on anything I can do to ensure the best quality of life...and as you stated about parents who get the "normal" results but still happen to have a child with disabilities, then that's a road crossed when they get there.... So if you're here in this forum to offer encouragement, why don't you do just that, instead of defending something that wasn't even the OPs intention to start with....."for obvious reasons" could have meant anything...I for one, did not assume she meant termination....and I'm ONLY here to offer kind words of support and encouragement...
Not pass any judgement for whatever decisions she needs to make for her family..everyone's needs and family's are different and KIT, not everyone is like you. So be proud of that, that you are a unique mother who goes above and beyond for her child, where as some of us wouldn't know what to do because we haven't been where you are. Take pride in that and remember that we too, deserve some sensitivity...

 

[kit10grl]

The language used in every day life impacts on everyone though. Its not about the words i use. However the term 'downs baby' used in the OP is outdated and no politically correct to use these days. It might not be a big deal to parents who dont have to deal with these statements all day every day but yes not using person centered language is a huge bug bear to me and many other parents of children with additional needs. The 'for obvious reasons' part of the original post has now been deleted (I assume by a mod as the OP had another thread locked for discussing terminations apparently) So I guess im not the only one who found that to be inappropriate, but for the record i didnt mention that in my OP because its not down to be to make that decision for anyone else, regardless of the choices i made for myself I am very pro-choice.

Everything Ive said has not been in judgement of worried pregnant women but in defense of those living life on the other side of the fence. Things that have been said here i probably said myself before my life changed. That doesnt mean it was right to say. But until someone points out that you shouldnt say it or you experience life from the other side then you wouldnt know that the term 'downs baby' is offensive to some, or that a lot of us find the statement 'as long as its healthy' with regards to baby sex upsetting. It was all about raising awareness.

However allowing sensitivity for the worried mothers here doesn't come in the form of excusing discriminatory language. Maybe of more people treated 'downs babies' like it was 'normal' people would be less scared of it in these situations