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[Natty_babez]

Hi

To cut a VERY long story short I am currently 18 weeks pregnant with our third child. At the moment the only people that know are my close friends and family, my OH hasn't told any of his family as his sister is pregnant at the moment with her second child and he doesn't want to take the limelight away from her ... she's due in about 4-5 weeks.

At first when we found out it wasn't planned our youngest is only 9 months now and even thought we wanted another we didn't want another so soon so we agreed that we should keep it a secret for as long as possible but after I got used to the idea and we had our 12 weeks scan and told our eldest I wanted to just tell everyone.

It's his sisters baby shower this Saturday and I am starting to show I desperately need to put on my maternity clothes and let it all hang out and be comfortable, however my OH still hasn't told his sister he is constantly trying to put it of even though he tells me it's nothing to do with anyone else and he's not worried what she'll say. I've said unless he does tell everyone this week I am refusing to go the shower I don't want people talking about me as you can clearly see a bump now and to be honest I am sick of it being treated like some big dirty secret now like our baby isn't as important as hers !!!

What would you all do? I am tempted to go down and see her and tell her myself before Saturday but I have no idea how she'll take it and if she's not happy about it the last thing I need is an argument with her, but whenever I mention it to my OH it causes an argument with us and he makes it out like it's not a big deal.

HELP !!!!!

 

[sevenofnine]

I can imagine why you're frustrated. I'm only 14 weeks and am looking pretty pudgy around the middle! At 18 weeks, I imagine I'll be sporting a real bump!

Personally, I would want to forego the shower too if I had to hide that. At 18 weeks, you're almost halfway there and people will speculate. What's worse: having people know, or having them all quietly speculate whether or not you're pregnant and hiding it!

I think I would want to do a quiet announcement at least with family before the shower.

Hope you get it all figured out!

 

[Talia12]

I understand how you feel, not the same situation here exactly but something not far off where I'm having to hide being pregnant and play it down and basically not allowed to talk about it in front of people in order to save someone's feelings. I can understand you saying you're sick of your baby being treated like a guilty secret or a baby that isn't as important as his sisters - to be honest I think it would've been better to announce earlier, because now you're looking at announcing to his family right around the time of his sisters baby shower or worse the time the baby comes! Not your fault obviously but maybe not very forward thinking of your OH because if his sisters going to take this badly, it might be worse now. Having said that she shouldn't, having a baby isn't just some life event that no one else can encroach on, it's having a new baby and a new life so it shouldn't make any difference to her that you're pregnant too. She should be happy that her child will have a cousin so close in age!
I fell pregnant with my son when my sister was 20 weeks and there definitely was an element of this going on but now my son and my nephew are so close being only 4 months apart in age. Your SIL will have to get over the "limelight stealing", and I'm sure the rest of his family will rightfully be happy for you and also I'm sure they'll be sensitive towards his sisters feelings and not make too much of a fuss about your baby around her for the time being. It's crap, same as for me now, but at least they'll be able to get properly excited with you and for you when SIL isn't around.
I think I'd also be saying I wasn't going to the shower - firstly because people might start asking if you're pregnant which could put your SIL in a mood, and secondly because you shouldn't have to hide the fact you're pregnant at 18 weeks along.
Hope you work something out! It'll be alright, these things blow over. His sister will get over it regardless of how it comes out. After all she is having a baby soon so she should just be happy about that!

 

[puffers121]

I personally just don't understand the limelight stealing thing. Well, I'd get it if it was announced at the shower, but earlier on would have been better. I'd think in the long run, she's be excited her baby is going to have a cousin close in age and it could bring you guys closer. I dunno. Tough situation as you're kind of past the point of no return as you're showing. You can't hide forever! She may be sad/upset that you didn't come to her baby shower as well.

 

[Bonnie11]

I think it's better to 'steal her limelight' (not that it makes any sense!) now then when after the baby is born! She doesn't have monopoly on people getting pregnant and she will surely be happy for you?! You having a baby doesn't make hers any less special. Your OH is being silly, get in the car, go and tell her and the family and enjoy the shower! X

 

[Cewsbaby]

Maybe your SIL will be thrilled that the babies will be close in age? My SIL and I are both pregnant at 7 weeks apart (again!) and our DS are actually 6 weeks apart! We joke that we are cycle buddies... I mean seriously! 2x pregnant and both 6-7 weeks apart?!? I think your DH is wrong. Even if SIL is upset she will need to get over it. I could understand if she JUST announced it and he wanted to wait to let her enjoy the limelight for a few weeks but you are showing. I think it will be more of a slap in the face if you go and no-one knew you are expecting. That would steal the spotlight off her!

 

[Zephram]

The whole thing is ridiculous - more than one person is pregnant on the planet at once! I don't understand the limelight stealing thing - what kind of person would be upset to find out a family member is pregnant if they are also pregnant?

I'm 17.5 weeks and there's no way I could hide being pregnant, I'm showing and it's obvious. I would tell your OH that you aren't hiding it anymore, you can't hide it anymore, and you're either together or separately telling everyone.

 

[KatBar]

Is there more to the story (I know you said long story short)? It's her second child, so bit confused about lime-light stealing as she has already had a child before.. (mind you, I also don't understand second baby showers, but I think that's cause we don't really do them in Australia - only do them for first baby).
My sister is older than me, and I think she felt a bit "behind" when I had a baby first. We were somewhat trying (me for my second, her for her first) around the same time, and although it worked out differently to expected (I had 3 miscarriages), I had planned to keep our pregnancy "quiet" to a certain degree so she could have the focus on her first pregnancy like I did with mine. Not that she'd have cared much anyway. But if we were having our second babies around the same time, I know it'd be a non-issue. That's why I wonder if there is more to the story?

I guess it's hard when your hubby feels differently, and you don't want to go against him.. I'd be inclined to let you sis in law know ahead of the shower, but that's tough if it causes issues between you and your hubby. I get the feeling she'd suspect you were pregnant anyway, being 18 weeks (& third baby too).. She may even be wondering when you guys are going to announce but doesn't want to say anything before you guys do..

 

[puffers121]

Maybe your SIL will be thrilled that the babies will be close in age? My SIL and I are both pregnant at 7 weeks apart (again!) and our DS are actually 6 weeks apart! We joke that we are cycle buddies... I mean seriously! 2x pregnant and both 6-7 weeks apart?!? I think your DH is wrong. Even if SIL is upset she will need to get over it. I could understand if she JUST announced it and he wanted to wait to let her enjoy the limelight for a few weeks but you are showing. I think it will be more of a slap in the face if you go and no-one knew you are expecting. That would steal the spotlight off her!

agree; people may be hurt that you haven't said anything.