14 pregnant and looking for advice

[Sky0818]

My name is Skylar. I will be 15 in a few weeks and I'm about 3 months along in my pregnancy. I havent told my parents yet I've been hiding it but its getting harder to hide. I told my boyfriend and he wants me to tell my parents and his because we are going to need support I'm scared cause my sister got pregnant at 17 and my dad flipped out and kicked her out for 3 months he eventually came around but they always tell me to make better decisions than my sister. I want trying to get pregnant we used protection every time except one time we ran out of condoms and I figured one time wouldn't be a problem now I'm in this situation. I'm only gunna be a sophomore in hifmgh school how am I supposed to do this please any advice.

 

[MissMarpleFan]

I think you should listen to your boyfriend on this one.

 

[NovaStar]

You’re going to have to tell your parents eventually. Might as well rip the bandaid off. Since you seem to have decided to keep the baby, they’re gonna notice sooner or later. Tell them now so they have time to be upset, get over it, and come around to help you.

 

[ClairAye]

Hello! I was a couple years older but fell pregnant with my first at 16 and had him at 17. It's not going to be fun or easy but you need to tell your parents sooner rather than later, it gives them more time to wrap their heads around the idea. My dad was also NOT happy (I had already moved out though) and didn't mention my pregnancy positively or really talk to me until I was almost 30 weeks, he only fully came around after my son was born but he was estatic. I fell pregnant with my second 10 months later at 18 and I was most scared of my dad's reaction but he gave me a hug and told me it was my life, he wasn't dissapointed in me or whatever. Though that was both me his reaction was a thousand times better the second time, you never know what reactions will be. As for school I have no advice as I left school as soon as I could and fell pregnant after that.

 

[Sky0818]

I told my sister about a month ago because I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I talked to my boyfriend yesterday and we decided to tell my mom and dad Sunday after we tell his parents tomorrow. I'm just hoping that they all take it well. We have decided to keep the baby. My sister said that hopefully my dad wont get as angry as he did with her but that if there are any issues I'm more than welcome to stay with her, so at least I wont end up with no where to go.

 

[ClairAye]

I told my sister about a month ago because I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I talked to my boyfriend yesterday and we decided to tell my mom and dad Sunday after we tell his parents tomorrow. I'm just hoping that they all take it well. We have decided to keep the baby. My sister said that hopefully my dad wont get as angry as he did with her but that if there are any issues I'm more than welcome to stay with her, so at least I wont end up with no where to go.

I hope it goes well telling your parents. It really is better to get it over and done with.

 

[iBeach]

How did it all go?
Hopefully everything is okay on your end.

 

[Sky0818]

So we told my boyfriends parents first and they were totally accepting a little disappointed with us but told us that they would help any way that they can that I am always welcome there. Then we went and told my parents the day after that did not go so well my mom was upset but she didnt yell or anything just looked disappointed. My dad started screaming at me and my boyfriend telling him he should have kept it in his pants and that I should have kept my legs closed. I'm worse than my sister at least she was older he cant believe I went and did this. He kept screaming but I stopped listening at that point because I was balling my eyes out into Kalebs (my boyfriend) chest. My mom kept trying to get him to stop. So I finally screamed fine I'll just go stay at Kalebs. To which my dad screamed good get out. So I packed a bag with clothes and things that I needed. My mom pleaded with me to stay I told her it wasn't her fault but that I couldn't stay there with him acting this way. She gave me a hug and told me she would call me. I left, it just feels like this is my sister all over again. I just dont know of he will come around. My mon texted me today to see how I was feeling. She told me she will let me know when he calms down but she doesnt want me to cut her out of my life cause she wants to be there for me even if my dad doesnt. I told her that it wasn't her fault but i didnt feel comfortable around my dad right now. She was okay with that, me and her I going out shopping tomorrow when my dad is working. I'm staying at Kalebs right now his parents are fine with it they said i can stay as long as I want. I just really hope my dad comes around at some point thinking about him and what he said is really bumming me out.

 

[ClairAye]

I'm so sorry it didn't go well with your dad but it is great everyone else is offering their support and help. I hope your dad just needs some time to come around.

 

[Sky0818]

So I went shopping with my mom today I thought it would make things better but it really didnt. My dad called while we were out and when my mom told him she was out with me he started yelling at her that I dug my self into this hole and now i have to lie in it. She took me home after that and I've basically been crying ever since I dont kno what to do...I'm just so upset over all this...plus Kaleb is working a late shift tonight so I'm sitting in his room crying by myself:'(

 

[MissMarpleFan]

Can you try to imagine what your dad might be feeling underneath his anger? If you have a daughter, will you be ready and wanting to become a grandmother in 15 years?

I think your father will come around eventually, but it will help the healing between you if you can try to put yourself in his shoes and understand where his feelings are coming from. In the mean time, I’d give him (and you) some space.

 

[Sky0818]

I mean I can totally understand where he is but I dont know i just cant help but let the mean things that he said to me get to me. Like some of it was really mean and then to tell my mom that I just have to deal with it. Like I already know I made a mistake I've known for 3 months that's why I didnt tell them. If I have a little girl I will make sure she learns from my experience. I dont think of my baby as a mistake, the mistake was the one time having sex with out protection. I try and see how my dad feels and I feel like I do but I also just cant stop crying as his child. I

 

[Sky0818]

I've been feeling very down and depressed the past couple days and I just cant seem to get out of it at all. I have my first real doctors appointment tomorrow. I was going to the clinic but they wouldn't do ultrasounds cause I didnt have a parent with me but they did prescribe my prenatal. Kalebs mom got me and appointment with her doctor. But even the thought of getting to see my baby hasn't been able to make me feel better. I feel like all I do all day is sit here and cry I dont know what else to do. I can see Kaleb beginning to worry about me but I cant help it. Any advice on how to feel better?

 

[ClairAye]

I've been feeling very down and depressed the past couple days and I just cant seem to get out of it at all. I have my first real doctors appointment tomorrow. I was going to the clinic but they wouldn't do ultrasounds cause I didnt have a parent with me but they did prescribe my prenatal. Kalebs mom got me and appointment with her doctor. But even the thought of getting to see my baby hasn't been able to make me feel better. I feel like all I do all day is sit here and cry I dont know what else to do. I can see Kaleb beginning to worry about me but I cant help it. Any advice on how to feel better?

I remember feeling the same in the first couple of weeks after telling my parents, the stress of their reactions ontop of being so young and pregnant was really tough. Try keep yourself busy, even when you really don't want to, going out on walks etc can help keep your mind off things, even if only for a short while. Good luck at your appointment! I hope you start feeling a bit better soon but it might also be worth mentioning how you're feeling at your appointment.

 

[kittylady]

Hi x my sister got pregnant at 19 and I remember my Dad telling her she ruined her life and she needed to get an abortion or she'd amount to nothing. She went for the appointment, found out she was having twins and left. They are now 10 years old, she is married to another man and owns her own tattoo shop. It hasn't ruined her life at all although I wont lie and say it wasn't hard because it was. I was actually 18 at the time and I tried to be with her as much as possible and stayed with her for about a week after she came home to help her. Can you reach out to your sister for support, she has gone through this.

 

[nic18]

I agree with giving your dad and yourself some space, it is a lot for him to take in and you being around him just now is not good for you. Try and do things to take your mind off things and keep things as normal as possible, your dad will come around eventually. Good Luck

 

[Sky0818]

My appointment went well it was great to see my baby on the ultrasound especially since it was the first one I got to see. I told my doctor about how I'm feeling and she recommended a therapist just to have someone to talk to. I've gone to her twice so far all she has said is to try and cut all ties with my parents for now...she doesnt want time to push anything with them only because she said it just seems to make me more upset. I asked about my sister and she said that I can keep talking to her she doesnt seem to be a problem...well that changed yesterday...I told my sister what the therapist said and that I was going to try it cause I felt like I really need to get this in check cause it's not healthy for me or the baby. Well my sister flipped out saying how she cant believe I would do that to our mom she has done nothing but good things for me it's not her fault that my dad is being this way...she hung up on me before I could even explain that the therapist said that I shouldn't contact them but if mom was to call me I could talk to her and keep things positive and if they went toward the negative to just tell her I had to go...I'm feeling a little better today aside from morning sickness which started a week ago...Kaleb had today off so we ended going to the beach for a little while and then out to dinner with his parents..even did a little baby shopping they have started clearing out their spare room so we can start setting up a nursery...we find out the sex of the baby at our next appointment..not sure if I want to know or be surprised..maybe a gender reveal what do you guys think?

 

[Carrots]

Your dad sounds like he has some serious anger management issues. Honestly, if two of my children became teen parents, I would wonder what I did to make them need to look outside their family for love at such a young age.

I'm 31 and I've seen how damaging parents' behavior can be to their children - even as adults.

If I was you I would cut your father out of your life going forward and then take a lot of time considering if a relationship with your dad is in your best interest when he tries to reach out to you.

Also, your mom is not innocent in this, she's enabling his horrible behavior. If my husband ever teats one of our children with such cruelty when the child is struggling, that is when I would lose my temper.

 

[coquis224]

Honey it sounds like your dad is an abusive person. You are better off staying away from him! He is a danger to you if he emotionally abuses you like that! For now I would stay with your boyfriend's parents. I feel bad for your mother but she is grown and can make her own decisions. You need support right now and if your bf's parents are willing to help you stay there for the time being. Please continue going to school to avoid drawing attention of CPS or the court system.

I had my first child at 16 and married her dad. It's not always bad. I got a GED at 16 and currently make about 40k a year which isn't great but much better than some. (I'm 32 now) I don't want you to think your life is over now and don't listen to those who say it is. If you want to chat I'm here.

 

[Kiwiberry]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, especially being so young. I would also like to say I completely agree with Carrots. The way your father is treating you is completely unacceptable and she's right your mother is enabling it because she's not doing anything to stop it. If I was your mother I would be completely livid at your father. I don't know if you live in the United States are not but it sounds like you do and I want you to know that it's actually very illegal for your father to kick you out before the age of 18 even what he did to your sister.

If the Minor Is Not Emancipated

Kicking an underage child (meaning under 18 in most states) out of the house, without the child being emancipated, can often be considered child abandonment, which is a crime.

Even if you aren’t leaving your child on a proverbial street corner, you will be legally abandoning her if you:

Leave your child with a neighbor and don’t communicate with her;
Fail to send some sort of money to support her, or
Refuse to participate in a plan by a school or program to reunite you and your child.
Also keep in mind that depending on the laws of your state, a neighbor or school administrator in these cases may be legally required to report a parent for child abandonment.

I agree with the suggestion of cutting all communication with your parents. I would also consider talking to your school once you start going back. it sounds like your boyfriend's parents are reacting exactly how parents should and it's a good idea that you stay with them until you're 18 and can take care of yourself.

You can do this honey.