16 and pregnant, really looking for support and advice?

[jozylynn896]

My boyfriend and I have been together forever. I freaking love him to death and I know he loves me.
His family has never liked me, ever. Ever. I know this is because they are pretty high class and I, well I come from a "welfare" family. Regardless of this, we still love each other.
The only thing that kills me is that his whole life is completly based on not disappointing his family whereas mine is completely based on being happy, not just trying to impress people.
I never had my dad and he kind of holds this against me. He always pulls the "I have people who expect things from me" and it hurts me. He thinks just because my family didn't all go to college like his did, that they expect nothing from me. My mom raised me saying "its okay to be gay, just as long as your happy, its okay to try being a singer, if that makes you happy". Whereas his family say "you WILL finish college. You WILL go to law school. You WILL do this, regardless of what makes you happy".
Anyways, we've had our ups and downs, but what really concerns me is this..
I'm 22 weeks pregnant. He does not want to tell his parents. I understand it is hard for him because they will DEFINATLEY disown him. When I get upset and tell him that we have to tell them, he says "Don't forget, I still have options." Basically threatning to leave.
It really hurts me first because I'm there for him. His family basically just uses him as this ticket. Idk, I understand he shouldn't have to feel like he should put me before his family. He wants to marry me, and we are having a baby. I just think that that kind of makes us a family now?
And secondly, I don't like feeling like his "hidden second life". I don't like it at all. I don't like to be kept a secret.
Am I selfish for thinking of how I feel even when I know it hurts him bad too?

Also, we're having a boy .
I understand I'm young and I know I'm definatly not ready for what lies ahead, but I was raised in a way that I understand that I'm having a baby! And that my child deserves to be celebrated just as much as a 25 year olds child would.
Thanks guys

 

[Fruitymeli]

Hi and welcome
They is loads of support on bnb
Have a look at the teen pregnancy section they is others there
But good luck I got pregnant with my first at 16 and now he's 5 things turn out
Fine
Good luck

 

[Elljo3]

Oh wow sounds like you have so much do deal with at the moment.

I'm sorry I can't offer any advice with regarding your partners family but I really wanted to say that you have the support from your family and congrats on your pregnancy.

Xx

 

[Mummy2B21]

Welcome x

 

[Bevziibubble]

Hello and welcome! I'm sorry to hear you're going through all this stress, you'll get lots of support on this site though

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

Welcome to BnB

 

[robinator]

Hi!

 

[angel2010]

Welcome!

 

[xJG30]

https://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g146/GemLoux/Welcome.gif

 

[wannabemum1]

Hi all. i am new to this and need some advise.

I'm 18, and in a long term relationship with my boyfriend (20), we spoke about trying for a baby and we both feel ready to be parents. I'm in my last year at colllge and have savings. i have a part-time job and he has a full time job and it on good money. Though we dont have our own house we do live together and are both fully finacially independant. I just dont know whether is it the right thing to do, bringing a baby into this world now? I feel ready as i could be to become a mum but i'm just worried about being sterotyped. Does anyone have any advise

 

[Proserpina]

My boyfriend and I have been together forever. I freaking love him to death and I know he loves me.
His family has never liked me, ever. Ever. I know this is because they are pretty high class and I, well I come from a "welfare" family. Regardless of this, we still love each other.
The only thing that kills me is that his whole life is completly based on not disappointing his family whereas mine is completely based on being happy, not just trying to impress people.
I never had my dad and he kind of holds this against me. He always pulls the "I have people who expect things from me" and it hurts me. He thinks just because my family didn't all go to college like his did, that they expect nothing from me. My mom raised me saying "its okay to be gay, just as long as your happy, its okay to try being a singer, if that makes you happy". Whereas his family say "you WILL finish college. You WILL go to law school. You WILL do this, regardless of what makes you happy".
Anyways, we've had our ups and downs, but what really concerns me is this..
I'm 22 weeks pregnant. He does not want to tell his parents. I understand it is hard for him because they will DEFINATLEY disown him. When I get upset and tell him that we have to tell them, he says "Don't forget, I still have options." Basically threatning to leave.
It really hurts me first because I'm there for him. His family basically just uses him as this ticket. Idk, I understand he shouldn't have to feel like he should put me before his family. He wants to marry me, and we are having a baby. I just think that that kind of makes us a family now?
And secondly, I don't like feeling like his "hidden second life". I don't like it at all. I don't like to be kept a secret.
Am I selfish for thinking of how I feel even when I know it hurts him bad too?

Also, we're having a boy .
I understand I'm young and I know I'm definatly not ready for what lies ahead, but I was raised in a way that I understand that I'm having a baby! And that my child deserves to be celebrated just as much as a 25 year olds child would.
Thanks guys

My heart really goes out to you. I have to ask:

What is the best-case scenario that you see here? You already mentioned marriage. Do you see yourselves settling down? One or both of you going to college while you manage your child? His parents eventually accepting you?

From your description, my worry is that, once they find out you're pregnant, his parents' resentment towards you will only increase. They will believe that you led their son to behave in a sexually reckless fashion that led to pregnancy, or worse, that you intentionally got pregnant so that you could manipulate their son.

I don't know that will happen for certain---I hope they would be mature and see that this is something that both of you brought about, and that they have a moral obligation to help support their grandchild. But there are just a lot of parents out there who refuse to see the flaws in their own children and blame the children of others for being a "bad influence." Furthermore, too many cultures are still so accustomed to blaming men's sexual behavior on women.

Regarding your boyfriend's threats to leave because he has "options": while he certainly can leave you, and nothing can stop that, in most Western countries, he will have a legal financial obligation to the baby. The courts can't force him to be a part of your life or the baby's life, but they can force him to pay child support until the child is an adult. I'm not saying you should bring this up right now because he might perceive it as a threat. But do what you can to make your relationship work, and keep that in mind if it goes south. He can cut you off socially, physically, and emotionally, but not financially.

In any case, I would let your boyfriend be the one to tell his parents. They are his parents. If he doesn't step up and tell them soon, your pregnancy is probably going to become very visible, and they'll find out some other way.