JasmineAnne
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- Joined
- May 30, 2013
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Hi everyone.
I don't even know where to start. I don't even think this is the right place to post. I'm just so lost. I feel numb, upset, my depression is really bad right now. I'm just looking for advice or support, or to talk to someone who's been in a similar situation.
I'm pregnant, have a 14 month old little boy, and I've just ended it with his father last week. I don't want to get into everything that's happened cause there's honestly so much, but the basics are that he's always been controlling, manipulative and jealous, but since I got pregnant with my son, he's also became physically and emotionally abusive.
He's pushed/shoved me when I was 5 months pregnant with my son, that was the start of it. Then after I had my son, he's hit me multiple times, spat in my face, slapped me, and once beat me up so bad I was so scared to be around him I had to call the police and have them take him away.
That's the physical part of it, but him being emotionally abusive has done so much more damage in my opinion. He constantly put me down, humiliates me in front of people, would dismiss my feelings by saying I was being "ridiculous" and "pathetic", he would say when I'm having a down day because of my depression that I was just "miserable and I should just snap out of it".
He would call me awful names like "lazy/stupid/selfish c.u.n.t" or say I'm "an invalid who might as well have no arms or legs because I do nothing". - That argument started when he complained that the house was "filthy and a mess" when he came home from work just because there was some of my sons toys on the floor and a few dishes to be washed, and he was saying that I'm useless and don't do anything around the house, when actually I do everything apart from dishes and taking the bins out, cause that's what he does, but that's ALL he does, yet still says I'm the lazy one...
He even says often that I just use my depression and social anxiety as an excuse for being a "lazy c.u.n.t" and not wanting to go out often cause I just can't be bothered... He's just so unsympathetic and I honestly think he's made my depression so much worse with him being like this. He makes me cry pretty much every day.
And the cherry on top of the cake... He denies being abusive or awful to me, says he's done nothing wrong, doesn't ever admit to being nasty and vile to me, and instead says that IM the abusive one, that I'm the awful one who treats him like shit and is so hard to live with and makes his life so damn miserable... Can you believe that?
Well actually, after doing ALOT of research on abusive people and talking to many women on abuse helplines and a social worker, I can believe it, because that's what abusive people are like. They are vile and treat their partners like crap, always putting them down and manipulating them and making them think that they are the crazy/awful/abusive one and not themselves. My ex is the stereotypical emotional and physical abuser.
And last week, after I finally admitted that to myself and told myself I can do better and realised I need to put my kids and my mental health before that abusive awful man, I packed all of his stuff while he was at work and kicked him out when he got home. I've talked to him a few times since then over text, he's still denying being abusive to me and still maintains that it's actually me that's the abusive one... How frustrating??
I've gave up talking to him now. I want nothing to do with someone who refuses to admit what they are and who refuses to get help. So I'm done now. I've told him he can see our son at my mothers every Saturday but I don't want to see him again. He has hurt me so much and has emotionally scarred me.
And you know what's stupid? I still love him and a part of me still wants to be with him. I still feel like I want him here when I'm feeling lonely and upset in the evenings. Even though I know I will NEVER let that happen and am putting my child before my feelings, it still hurts... I just wish he would realise what he is and get help so he can get better, then we could possibly work things out in the future, but he won't, he's a lost cause.
I don't even know what I'm saying or asking for here. I'm honestly just so lost. I just wanted to vent and maybe talk to someone. I just feel so lonely, I moved here to be with him and now I have no friends that live close to me, and having social anxiety I don't get out too much unless I'm with my mum, which is only 2 or 3 times a week. Please just someone say something to cheer me up or reassure me I'm doing the right thing or something cause it's so hard being on my own, and it's going to be even harder once this baby comes...
I don't even know where to start. I don't even think this is the right place to post. I'm just so lost. I feel numb, upset, my depression is really bad right now. I'm just looking for advice or support, or to talk to someone who's been in a similar situation.
I'm pregnant, have a 14 month old little boy, and I've just ended it with his father last week. I don't want to get into everything that's happened cause there's honestly so much, but the basics are that he's always been controlling, manipulative and jealous, but since I got pregnant with my son, he's also became physically and emotionally abusive.
He's pushed/shoved me when I was 5 months pregnant with my son, that was the start of it. Then after I had my son, he's hit me multiple times, spat in my face, slapped me, and once beat me up so bad I was so scared to be around him I had to call the police and have them take him away.
That's the physical part of it, but him being emotionally abusive has done so much more damage in my opinion. He constantly put me down, humiliates me in front of people, would dismiss my feelings by saying I was being "ridiculous" and "pathetic", he would say when I'm having a down day because of my depression that I was just "miserable and I should just snap out of it".
He would call me awful names like "lazy/stupid/selfish c.u.n.t" or say I'm "an invalid who might as well have no arms or legs because I do nothing". - That argument started when he complained that the house was "filthy and a mess" when he came home from work just because there was some of my sons toys on the floor and a few dishes to be washed, and he was saying that I'm useless and don't do anything around the house, when actually I do everything apart from dishes and taking the bins out, cause that's what he does, but that's ALL he does, yet still says I'm the lazy one...
He even says often that I just use my depression and social anxiety as an excuse for being a "lazy c.u.n.t" and not wanting to go out often cause I just can't be bothered... He's just so unsympathetic and I honestly think he's made my depression so much worse with him being like this. He makes me cry pretty much every day.
And the cherry on top of the cake... He denies being abusive or awful to me, says he's done nothing wrong, doesn't ever admit to being nasty and vile to me, and instead says that IM the abusive one, that I'm the awful one who treats him like shit and is so hard to live with and makes his life so damn miserable... Can you believe that?
Well actually, after doing ALOT of research on abusive people and talking to many women on abuse helplines and a social worker, I can believe it, because that's what abusive people are like. They are vile and treat their partners like crap, always putting them down and manipulating them and making them think that they are the crazy/awful/abusive one and not themselves. My ex is the stereotypical emotional and physical abuser.
And last week, after I finally admitted that to myself and told myself I can do better and realised I need to put my kids and my mental health before that abusive awful man, I packed all of his stuff while he was at work and kicked him out when he got home. I've talked to him a few times since then over text, he's still denying being abusive to me and still maintains that it's actually me that's the abusive one... How frustrating??
I've gave up talking to him now. I want nothing to do with someone who refuses to admit what they are and who refuses to get help. So I'm done now. I've told him he can see our son at my mothers every Saturday but I don't want to see him again. He has hurt me so much and has emotionally scarred me.
And you know what's stupid? I still love him and a part of me still wants to be with him. I still feel like I want him here when I'm feeling lonely and upset in the evenings. Even though I know I will NEVER let that happen and am putting my child before my feelings, it still hurts... I just wish he would realise what he is and get help so he can get better, then we could possibly work things out in the future, but he won't, he's a lost cause.
I don't even know what I'm saying or asking for here. I'm honestly just so lost. I just wanted to vent and maybe talk to someone. I just feel so lonely, I moved here to be with him and now I have no friends that live close to me, and having social anxiety I don't get out too much unless I'm with my mum, which is only 2 or 3 times a week. Please just someone say something to cheer me up or reassure me I'm doing the right thing or something cause it's so hard being on my own, and it's going to be even harder once this baby comes...
but you have 100% done the right thing - it might seem like things are awful at the moment but you've done the hardest part by walking away, and things will only get better for you and your children because of that. Don't listen to a word he says. 
