17, pregnant, abortion?

[Sarah-Jane]

I'm 17, I've been with my boyfriend who's 20 just over 10 months and it's serious, we're mad about eachother and obviously sleeping together. I did a home pregnancy test last night and it showed up positive, I told my boyfriend straight away n we went to the doctors this morning. The first thing we decided was to have an abortion because of our situation. If I told my mum I was pregnant, I'll get kicked out without a doubt and have no family support at all, my boyfriend is off to University next month, I'm only in a part time job earning £140-£220 a month and also about to start my last year of college. My boyfriend doesn't want this to ruin us and we made the choice to have an abortion so I'm just waiting for the right time to made that phone call to book it... but at the moment, I'm having serious doubts and don't know what to do, I don't want to ruin our lives and I know we won't be able to give it the life it needs but please help!!! xxx​

 

[Serene123]

You can't have an abortion if you don't really want it. Seriously, you just need to think about what your heart wants. Everything else will sort itself out. I'm pretty sure your mum would suprise you too. How do you know she wouldn't support you?

 

[DaisyDuke]

Hi hunni, if your having serious doubts please take some more time to think, it's a huge decision. How far along does ur doctor think you are? As far as ur mum is concerned, sometime parents say things when ur growing up to discourage a situation, but if it arrises they can be completly different. I don't know your mum but she may well suprise u. Hope things work out.

 

[Sarah-Jane]

You can't have an abortion if you don't really want it. Seriously, you just need to think about what your heart wants. Everything else will sort itself out. I'm pretty sure your mum would suprise you too. How do you know she wouldn't support you?

Me and my mum don't really get on as it is and just don't think she would support me. I don't know what I want, I've never been so confused in my life

 

[Becky]

Having a baby wont ruin your life!! it will just change the route you planned!! It is completely up to you if you want to have an abortion but it does take alot of thought!!

x

 

[Sarah-Jane]

Around 5weeks. My doctor said I've got around 3weeks to decide

 

[Sarah-Jane]

What about money for it? Giving it the life it wants? I won't be able to give it all that

 

[Serene123]

Me and my mum don't really get on as it is and just don't think she would support me. I don't know what I want, I've never been so confused in my life

How far are you?

If you don't want it, try not to convince yourself you do. Your hormones are racing. You have the rest of your life to have a baby with your boyfriend. If you don't want it, don't keep it. However, if you do want it, and you believe you can do it, nothing else matters. Everything else will sort itself out.

 

[Serene123]

What about money for it? Giving it the life it wants? I won't be able to give it all that

All babies really want is love. You can't put a price on that, right?

 

[Becky]

Around 5weeks. My doctor said I've got around 3weeks to decide

sorry but that is bollocks dont feel pressured into making your decision in that time scale!!

x

 

[DaisyDuke]

Right if the doctor says u have 3 weeks to decide, i would take those 3 weeks. Be completly honest with your boyfriend and talk it through together. As far as money is concerned, that is not a reason to have an abortion if you want the baby. Maybe go to citizens advise and see what your options are, the goverment has things in place to help people in your situation out. Good luck! XXX

 

[Sarah-Jane]

I do want it but just think it's going to be a struggle because I know my boyfriend wants to live his life first. I'm just worrying about somewhere to live, pram, nappies, clothes, food and loads of other main essentials that a baby needs. Do you think I'm too young because that's what I'm scared of

 

[Serene123]

I'm 18, 19 next month, and just had a little girl. She is perfect. Nothing else in this world matters. No one has ever made a comment about me being too young. I guess I come accross as older than I really am. My little one could have anything she wanted but all she really wants is cuddles and food.. and maybe the odd nappy change!

My boyfriend didn't want her at first. To the point he threatened to cut her out of me if that was the only way to make me see sense. He couldn't regret that more now. He loves her to pieces. Yes, sometimes people take a while to come around, but they do in the end.

 

[DaisyDuke]

You answered your own question, if you want the baby then you should have it. As far as being scared, i'm 24 married with a house with 2 ok wages, i desperatly want to be pregnant but if i do i to will be soooooooooooo scared also. It's so unknown. Please go and get some advice, so you have a clear picture on the support u can expect.

 

[TashaAndBump]

Me and my mum don't really get on as it is and just don't think she would support me. I don't know what I want, I've never been so confused in my life

Trust me, having an abortion won't ruin your life, hun. Also don't be too quick to guess how your mother will react: I had quite a poor relationship with my mother until I found out I was pregnant, I was shocked at how supportive she was (although she did throw me out! - That worked out for the best, though and she was supportive in every way possible - even her kicking me out was her way of supporting me - forcing me to get indpendent and learn how to stand on my own two feet, which I think is important if you are to become a mother yourself...) and it completely changed our relationship forever (for the better!).

Secondly I'd like to say We're all here for you when you need us - no matter what you decide to do...

And finally I'd like to echo what the other girls have said: If you are not 100% convinced that you want an abortion DON'T HAVE ONE. Think more on it to be certain of what you want - if you regret having an abortion later on, it can be really disruptive to your future happiness, and future in general....

I didn't plan to get pregnant. I had to drop out of college and leave home. HOWEVER I ended up loving being pregnant and loving my baby more than words can describe... Maybe you need to have another talk with your OH?

If you want to keep the baby will he support you?

One last thing is, have you considered adoption? If you don't feel ready for abortion, but don't feel ready to have a baby either, maybe this is the best way forward? If you consider adoption but don't think you would be able to give the baby away, if you think you would love it and want to keep it too much... do you think maybe that says something about whether abortion is really right for you?

Keep us posted with your decision, hun. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts... x

 

[lauren-kate]

You will qualify for council housing, and housing benefit if you go for private housing. You would get maternity pay from your job, or maternity allowance if you do not qualify for maternity pay. You would probably get the £500 surestart maternity grant. You can get income support if you work less than 16 hours a week (maternity allowance is INSTEAD of this). When baby is born, you would get family allowance and child tax credits, possibly working tax credits depending on situation. They would all help out with your no-money situation. It is possible. I'm doing it although I still live with my parents atm. There's a lot of people in the same position. x

 

[Becky]

I do want it but just think it's going to be a struggle because I know my boyfriend wants to live his life first. I'm just worrying about somewhere to live, pram, nappies, clothes, food and loads of other main essentials that a baby needs. Do you think I'm too young because that's what I'm scared of

there is no right or wrong age to have a baby!! the choice is yours but if you do decide to go ahead i think things may work out better than expected for you!!

x

 

[xXDonnaXx]

It's totally your decision, not even your bf's. It's your body, so therefore your choice. I hope you do what's right, and not what other people say. If it's what you want, go for it. 17 Isn't too young to have a baby - no. If you think you can give all what a baby needs then go for it and enjoy what you have created.

 

[TashaAndBump]

I do want it but just think it's going to be a struggle because I know my boyfriend wants to live his life first. I'm just worrying about somewhere to live, pram, nappies, clothes, food and loads of other main essentials that a baby needs. Do you think I'm too young because that's what I'm scared of

Too young? NO. If you want this, GO FOR IT! You can do it. Hundreds of teenagers get pregnant every year, you are no different, and you can do anything you set your mind to. I promise you will be okay if you decide to keep the baby. I know you can't see how at the minute but everything will work out - It always does in the end.

 

[Sarah-Jane]

I'm 18, 19 next month, and just had a little girl. She is perfect. Nothing else in this world matters. No one has ever made a comment about me being too young. I guess I come accross as older than I really am. My little one could have anything she wanted but all she really wants is cuddles and food.. and maybe the odd nappy change!

My boyfriend didn't want her at first. To the point he threatened to cut her out of me if that was the only way to make me see sense. He couldn't regret that more now. He loves her to pieces. Yes, sometimes people take a while to come around, but they do in the end.

That's seriously helped me alot. Knowing I'm not the only one out there, knowing you didn't regret it. My boyfriend sort of wants the baby but he wants the student life, obviously not dirty nappies to come home to haha. I'll speak to him tonight and see if we can work something out, if not, my friends will be there for me whatever decision I choose and my boyfriend will more than likely see sense, thanks alot