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Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by bumblebeexo, May 30, 2013.
Deleted incase of snoops..
Thanks for all the advice!
I would love to have a MIL who wants to be so involved lol. Count yourself lucky . Maybe you could talk to her about the unexpected visits. Maybe she doesnt know shes being so intrusive xx
Without knowing any other background and at risk of sounding like a cow I think your being way too harsh... Her coming around and taking lo and all that just sounds like she loves your lo so much... IMO any child who has someone or people who love them so much is lucky and they deserve it.... If u don't like your mil that's fine I don't like mine much either.. But your lo has a grandparent who loves and cares for them (something I didn't reli get) and is so lucky for that... And you should be greatful for it.
U dont have to like her but for your child's sake u need to find a way to just deal with it
You're not alone!! My MIL is full on and wants to come over for 15 mins a day (it won't be 15 mins though!) usually around bedtime. She also calls LO 'her baby' and something else I've picked up on is when she is changing LO or whatever and LO is smiling she will say 'daddy daddy look daddy she is smiling' she never says mummy look!
Don't get me wrong I'm glad LO has grandparents that want to be involved but it comes to a point where it can get too much. She moaned a couple of weeks ago that she hasn't spent any time alone with LO since she was born...well no as LO was 6 weeks at the time!
I feel your pain! Xxxx
I know I'm being too harsh, that's why I asked if anybody else was like me. I don't like her but I don't stop her seeing LO in any way. I'll avoid her by going out when I've seen her every single day for the past week or so, I don't mean I avoid her the whole time! And she comes into my house, picks up LO and just takes her out, I don't think many people would be very impressed if their MIL did that..
Thanks for the replies though - I am going to try and make more of an effort to get on with her.
That does sound tough. It would drive me crazy... I really like my personal space and Culver is MY baby! Good luck x
Meh, I think if she just waltzes into your house and takes your baby, you have a right to be annoyed. You need to tell her though, and set boundaries.
I think it's quite natural to want some distance from your MIL no matter how well you get on.
I like my MIL, but I do find myself resenting her too. My family live on the other side of the world and to be honest it kills me every time I have to leave Chloe with my MIL instead of my mum being my go to babysitter. It doesn't help that she takes over and does things that I don't agree with when minding Chloe. Its frustrating, but at the end of the day she is family so i just have to keep my mouth shut and get over it.
I have the opposite problem mil hardly ever visits now and nowhere near as much as she did in the beginning. It's upsetting for Dh and then she wonder's why lo makes strange with her??
Coming in your house without asking is not ok, def talk to her about this.
The other stuff, you're being too harsh but you know that deep down or you wouldn't ask! She sounds lovely, giving you furniture, money and loving your lo with all her heart
I've taken lo to see my mil twice this week, and had get over yesterday, and tomorrow I'm going to see if she wants alone time with him. Neither me or dh have good dads, so I'm beyond grateful for our amazing mothers!
Also yes, when she is here I don't get a look in, sometimes two hours plus of not holding him.. Rather then get annoyed I get on with the cleaning etc!
I love my mil and she loves LO so much, but lately I have been finding myself resenting her and I hate myself for it because she's such a lovely person.
I think it's because when my mum does something I don't agree with I have it out with her, but when my mil does I don't have the courage to, therefore it keeps building up.
Also she has another grandchild 2 months older than my LO and she's always comparing them, and comparing my and SIL parenting, which ano is natural she loves both kids equally but we both parent differently and that should be respected.
So yeah your not alone, but mine is because I don't speak up for myself because I don't want to upset her.
I dont think I could cope with that. Not every day! My MIL can be very full on but in a totally different way. She is so loud and shouts when LO is asleep. She has a heart of gold but I can only cope with her in small doses. DH asks her to stop shouting but it's just the way she is. I'm lucky that she doesn't interfere but absolutely loves LO.
I think once a week visits is enough for us. You are right though when its family sometimes you do have to grin a bare it. My MIL has some very annoying habits but I let it go. If she is doing something that will directly effect LO in a negative way then I think that's when you have to speak up.
There seems to be a pretty common theme where girls seem to become extra sensitive about their MILs after having a baby (and I'm not immune!) But I think the key is realizing that you're being a little overdramatic (I don't mean that to sound rude as I'm exactly the same) and making a conscious effort to just let it go. I always ask myself if I'd be annoyed if my own mom were doing the same thing, and if the answer is "no" then I just push past it. If the answer is "yes" and it's something I'd be bringing up to my own mom, then I bring it up with MIL too.
I think walking in and visiting without letting you know first is a bit disrespectful and I'd be letting her know that she needs to give you some warning.