19, Pregnant. Considering Options... Help?

[Stripe21]

Hi all. I'm 19 and just found out that I'm pregnant, estimated at just about 5-6 weeks (still need to confirm that part).

My boyfriend and I are both 19. We both go to college full-time and he works a part-time job while I work 2 jobs. Having a baby DEFINITELY wasn't on the agenda for us right now.
We have our own 2 bedroom house, and we get along very well on our own (one of my jobs is pretty well-paying). However, we are both very nervous about how we'll fare once there's a baby in the mix. He is adopted and didn't have a very good experience, but he wants to explore that as an option.
The more I think about it, the less I want to consider adoption. I am scheduling an appointment to go to the local Pregnancy Resource Center and talk about my options with them. I would only really consider an adoption if it was open, and I was able to keep in contact with the baby.

However, in my heart, I don't know if I could even do it. As unexpected as this was, I am pretty confident that we can do this, and I honestly can't imagine handing my baby to someone else to keep forever.

Basically, I'd just like to hear everyone's 2 cents about adoption, young parenthood, and how to tell my partner that I'd rather keep the baby than put him or her up for adoption.
Thanks Moms!

 

[amytrisha]

I'd just be honest with your partner, tell him you want your baby and talk to him about how you'll make it work etc. I was pregnant at 19 had my son at 20, absolutely adore being a mum we don't struggle with money he has everything he needs and it feels amazing to be a little family. Seeing somebody running around that half you and half your partner is the best feeling ever.
I don't have any experiences with open adoption so I can't advise on that but whatever you do make sure you want to do it, good luck and congratulations x

 

[justplay91]

I don't have experience with adoption either, but it was one of the options we briefly considered when I unexpectedly got pregnant with my son at 22 years old. But we decided to tackle it and it has honestly been the most rewarding experience of my life. Not to try to talk you out of adoption, because it's a beautiful and selfless thing. I just want you to know that being a young parent can be amazing!

 

[zmzerbe]

I got pregnant when my now husband and I were both 19. We were living in a city with no jobs and no responsibilities. We were on a downwards spiral and when I found out I was pregnant, I thought he was going to leave me and I was considering adoption. He was all for having a baby and we ended up making it work. Now we are financially stable with our own place and completely self sufficient. We even have #2 on the way and we couldn't be more excited!

There is a girl that my husband and I are close with, she had a daughter the day before I had my son and chose adoption. She chose an open adoption to a family friend, except she lives in Pennsylvania and her baby lives in Alabama so she doesn't get to see her very often. I know that still to this day she has the hardest time coping with the fact that she gave up her daughter to someone else. She gets very regular updates, she flies down to see her and everything, but she says it's still so hard to see someone else raise her daughter.

 

[jlw617]

You can do it! But even if you adopted your baby out, it's a selfless act of love so I'm sure whatever you decide will be great. But you sound like you have your head on right and you and your partner would be more than capable, he knew the possibility so don't let him play that game if he doesn't feel the same way as you do. All these people talk about a woman's right when it comes to abortion, but you don't often hear of a woman's right when it comes to keeping her baby! I won't lie and tell you it will be easy but there are plenty of single moms who go to school, work and still take care of their babies...hopefully you won't be a single parent but I'm just saying its completely doable! Good luck!

 

[xforuiholdonx]

My then boyfriend(now husband) had our daughter extremely early... She arrived the day before my 18th birthday. It hasn't been easy, but it's been the best blessing ever to us. She's such a sweet and kind hearted kid. She's five now, has a two year old brother and another sibling on the way. I wouldn't change it for the world.

 

[rebeccalouise]

I was 17 when I had my DD. I ended up going at it alone, as FOB begged me to have an abortion, when I refused he cut contact with me and didn't get back in touch until she was 4 months old. I had only just left school, I didnt have a clue what to do with my life. It was hard, but I honestly wouldn't change it for the world now.. I couldn't imagine my life without her. I'm now 21, happily married (met DH when I was 19), and pregnant with Amelia's baby sister! there's a way around everything if keeping this baby is what you really want, it will be a struggle at times but so worth it.

 

[ClairAye]

I had my first when I was 17 and my second at 19. I'm 21 next month and I am a single parent and have been for a year, however, I still wouldn't change it. I'm not going to lie, it's really hard but I've not had much stability since my son was born thanks to my ex. The good outweighs the bad though and I can't imagine life without them.

If you decide that adoption is right for you both then that is also an amazing thing to do.

I was 17 when I had my DD. I ended up going at it alone, as FOB begged me to have an abortion, when I refused he cut contact with me and didn't get back in touch until she was 4 months old. I had only just left school, I didnt have a clue what to do with my life. It was hard, but I honestly wouldn't change it for the world now.. I couldn't imagine my life without her. I'm now 21, happily married (met DH when I was 19), and pregnant with Amelia's baby sister! there's a way around everything if keeping this baby is what you really want, it will be a struggle at times but so worth it.

I love this!!! Congratulations!

 

[rebeccalouise]

I had my first when I was 17 and my second at 19. I'm 21 next month and I am a single parent and have been for a year, however, I still wouldn't change it. I'm not going to lie, it's really hard but I've not had much stability since my son was born thanks to my ex. The good outweighs the bad though and I can't imagine life without them.

If you decide that adoption is right for you both then that is also an amazing thing to do.

I was 17 when I had my DD. I ended up going at it alone, as FOB begged me to have an abortion, when I refused he cut contact with me and didn't get back in touch until she was 4 months old. I had only just left school, I didnt have a clue what to do with my life. It was hard, but I honestly wouldn't change it for the world now.. I couldn't imagine my life without her. I'm now 21, happily married (met DH when I was 19), and pregnant with Amelia's baby sister! there's a way around everything if keeping this baby is what you really want, it will be a struggle at times but so worth it.

I love this!!! Congratulations!

Aww, thank you hun! I hope you and the kiddies are well?

 

[tinkerbelle93]

I had my son a few weeks before I turned 19, my OH was 19 as well. When he was born my OH was still an apprentice in his profession so therefore on a really, really low wage. But we got help with tax credits ect so that made it doable (I don't know whether or not you're in the UK?) I'd been hoping to go to uni but did an open uni course instead, which was a good way to study around my baby. It was really hard (and still is) but we've come through it all okay and are now married and hoping for another baby soon. There's always ways round things. I don't know much about adoption. I know in the USA open adoptions where you stay in touch are the norm, but I don't think that's the case for the UK.. so depends where you are really

Good luck! x

 

[MeaganMackenz]

My then boyfriend, now husband, and I had our daughter just after my 20th birthday. We are the same age and can't say we were too prepared. But neither of us could imagine giving her up. It was hard, we weren't supper stable financially but we made it work. We just had our third daughter and 6th wedding anniversary. You can do it!! If you think you may regret it I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't live with that forever. Hugs.

 

[ChiiBaby]

Hi hun
I got pregnant when i was 16 with a beautiful girl and i wouldnt change her for the world. I am now 20 and i cant wait to have another baby!
When i found out i was pregnant me and my OH moved out into our 1st flat of course being a mum/dad is hard but its hard at any age! im sure youll do great!

 

[vermeil]

I think adoption is a beautiful gesture, a gift of a lifetime for a couple desperate to have a family also. You can choose a loving home nearby. There are future children you might not have later because of this one. So much to think about! But of course this is a personal decision. *hugs*

 

[Koifish]

I can't help in the age aspect but I was adopted.

First, If any part of you doesn't want to give the baby up please talk to your boyfriend about it. You need to let him know how you feel and don't so anything for him that your not comfortable with, you don't want to regret anything.

If you do choose to adopt make sure it's for the right reasons and that you are 100% ok with it. Adoption is a great thing. I know I hear a lot of bad stories about it but there are many good ones also. I was given up as my birth mom was a teen when she had me. I am so happy with my life and my parents (might not be birth parents but I love them as if they were and wouldn't change it). My family is wonderful and have given me a great life. My mom was unable to have children and really wanted a family, this was her option and because my mom chose to keep me instead of abort I am here, I have a great family and my mom and dad are parents and we're able to have their dream of a family come true. I have a SIL who can't have children but would love to and would look to adopt they are great people and adoption allows them the option to start a family. Like I said do it because you want to, if you will regret it I would keep your baby. Really think it over and talk to your boyfriend.

Good luck

 

[DaisyDreamer]

Dear, I am 19 with my first and my DH and I are in somewhat of a tight spot. Personally I believe everything happens for a reason and while we weren't actively trying to conceive, we definitely knew the risks!

If you feel solid in your relationship with your partner and it doesn't feel right to adopt, then openly explain your feelings to him. Get all the information you can about other options to make a well educated decision

Wish you the best

 

[dizzy65]

I was 19 when i was pregnant with my oldest, and my advice to you, is do what ever you think is right for you guys. you can do what ever you set your mind too I will be following your story to see what you end up doing.. Good luck! and keep us up dated