"2 boys...that is scary :("

[Lucy28]

So I post that my twins are two boys on facebook and I get "2 boys...that is scary " from a single "friend" of mine from college who "forgot" to attend my wedding, and stopped talking to me on the phone once my OH and I moved in together. She hasn't been able to get her life together (I mean in the ways that are important to her, not me) and seems very angry.

Anyways, having gotten tired of the rude twin comments at work already, I replied "nah- not having any children is scary." I feel like quite a b**** for doing that. I have just had it. I went through two terrible miscarriages and want both of these babies very much.

This is just the tip of the iceburg with my group of old college friends and I am tired of it. We are all 28/29 years old and they act as though I sold out by getting married and having kids. This is incredibly frustrating.

Should I apologize to her for that comment?

 

[ciarhwyfar]

Honey, sounds like you should have cut her out of your life long ago. As you may find in other threads on this forum, as you get older and life changes for you, you will find that you have a small select circle of actual friends. Don't let what other people think or say about your pregnancy bother you. If you are looking forward to having those two little boys, be happy in the preparations for them.

If you are finding your old friends aren't ready or willing to be happy for you with the changes and milestones in your life, it may be time to look for new friends who may have more interests in common with your current life. Blessings and good luck to you.

 

[jessie_m]

Nope don't apologize. Two boys is an amazing gift! You don't need to apologize for defending your family. It's all part of being a mama! I'm delighted for you!

 

[Murdhuacha]

I don't see why you should apologise to her. She obviously wasn't thinking about your feelings when she left her comment about your boys.

 

[syntaxerror]

She may not have meant to be offensive...I haven't had babies yet but I know babysitting two little boys at once can be a handful. I know I was stressing when I thought we might be having twins because I was just convinced they'd both be boys and I wouldn't be able to handle it.

Add to that that not having children can be a very mature and responsible lifestyle choice -- and yes, I'd say your response was probably offensive and hurtful to her.

BUT

I think your response may have been more in response to her making you feel poorly (lack of communication/missing your wedding/not being particularly considerate about your babies.) Maybe the best way to handle this would be to contact her directly (and privately, via message) and explain how you feel and why you reacted the way you did. If she responds badly, at least you can eliminate her from your life knowing that you handled everything as maturely as possible.

 

[Lucy28]

Yes, I agree. I am sure it was hurtful.. but I sort of meant it to be. However, I think the moment got the best of me What I should have written was something like "me facing the possibility of not being able to have children was scary and this is a blessing"

 

[MissFish]

Hell no! You aren't getting apologies from everyone elses snatchy comments. I'm also growing sick of the unwanted advice (more like lectures) & comments.

Btw, congrats on the twin boys. OH has two boys, 16 mos apart and they are wonderful, best friends and so much fun.

 

[DarlingMe]

I am the same age as you and have a friend that asked me if I was "keeping" the baby when I told her I was pregnant. Stable relationship for years and own a house, I was just baffled by her response. Last week she asked me if I was scared to be pregnant and how I was "going to deal with it". We were trying to get pregnant and are ready for a LO!

I think there are so many different outlooks on what is important in life and your friend (and mine) are just at different points in their life. I look at as being the same as her saying she is relocating and moving across country alone. Not something I would do, but something I could see her packing up and doing. I dont think she meant it as anything personal, just different life paths.

 

[breavis]

I think having 2 boys is fun. However mine are 3 years apart lol but they do alot together. Your twin boys will probably be best of friends and will keep each other busy. You shouldnt have to say sorry to her. Congrats on the twin boys that is awesome!

 

[mumoffive]

So I post that my twins are two boys on facebook and I get "2 boys...that is scary " from a single "friend" of mine from college who "forgot" to attend my wedding, and stopped talking to me on the phone once my OH and I moved in together. She hasn't been able to get her life together (I mean in the ways that are important to her, not me) and seems very angry.

Anyways, having gotten tired of the rude twin comments at work already, I replied "nah- not having any children is scary." I feel like quite a b**** for doing that. I have just had it. I went through two terrible miscarriages and want both of these babies very much.

This is just the tip of the iceburg with my group of old college friends and I am tired of it. We are all 28/29 years old and they act as though I sold out by getting married and having kids. This is incredibly frustrating.

Should I apologize to her for that comment?

No you shouldnt. She sounds envious of you! Ignore her! I have twin boys [ now 23!!] A joy to have. x

 

[Waitin4astork]

It sounds like maybe she (and some of your other old college friends) feel a little resentful and possibly jealous of you 'growing up' and moving on with your life, which includes having a family. Hopefully when your little guys come along, it will help you to meet other mums and find some more friends who you have more in common with

Congrats on your blessings x

 

[allaboard]

Aw leave them behind, people who truly matter should be positive and happy for you. Make new friends if that's the best they can do. You're at a different life stage to them all and if they can't be gracious and supportive now then you're going to continue feeling let down when the babies arrive and they are even more distant from you. Boys are FAB!

 

[bump0911]

I would question why you have her as a 'friend' at all. Get rid I would say. You don't need people like that around you.

Definitely don't apologise.

 

[purapura]

I don't know, but in my opinion; 1 boy is great but 2 is even batter.
Appologise only if you want to keep in touch with her...

 

[KatieMRi]

When people say to me twins I automatically think scary, not in a bad way (though I don't know if people take it that way -- I hope not) I just think that having two babies is such hard work, and nearly double the cost. It is scary to me but if I was having twins I would be happy and I would deal with it, I'm not that great with words though so I would be honest and say what I thought which was scary. Scary is good though, who wants life to be easy and boring??? about your friend and saying you sold her out, I had exactly the same problem with my friends (they made me feel like an awful person) but I was living my life and changing it into what I wanted it to be (I couldn't be a party animal with loads to spend on nights out forever) you have to live your life for you and she should realise and be happy you're happy, unfortunately some people just aren't that way inclined XX

 

[Pippin]

How is having two boys scarier than two girls or one of each sounds like a crazy weird comment made by a crazy weird women. I actually think it's quite a good repost and then she was quite rude first. Personally sounds like you should forget about her anyway and just cut her out of your life. How can you forget to go to someone's weeding

 

[nov_mum]

I think the green eyed monsters are coming out of the wood work. Two boys is awesome!! I don't have twins but mine are 15mths apart and we love them so much we are having another and I will be over the moon if it's a boy (or a girl really, we don't mind about gender much) but boys rock : )