2 year old biting...and other things

[Teri7489]

I'm struggling so much with my son and broke my rule today...I smacked him. He bit me so hard making me bleed and cry I smacked him. Not hard but enough to make him cry. It was wrong but I don't know what else to do. It's the 3rd time he's got me and the second he's got his sister. 2 days ago he smashed our TV with a toy destroying it and just in general will misbehave constantly (hit out/tantrums all the time/emptying cupboards) I feel like an awful parent who can't control her child. He turned 2 in August so what can I do?

I've tried taking him away from things, stern talking to him and the gentle approach.

ideas please

 

[whatwillbex]

My dd was a biter and it was so frustrating and upsetting . The only thing that helped us was time and consistency. With dd the trigger was when she was over excited.
Before it gets to the point where she may bite we distracted with a snack like an apple or something crunchy. We bought the book called teeth are not for biting which helped a lot. It’s hard to ignore but just one firm no teeth or something short but firm and put him down or walk away. If you don’t react it’s not as fun and give who ever has been bitten all the attention and maybe get him to get a flannel to make it better after. It’s so tough, hope it get easier soon for you x

 

[Eleanor ace]

My DD2 (2yrs 2 months) has been an intermittent biter for the last year, mainly aimed at her sister . When she does it I remove her from her sister but so that she can still see her. I act shocked and make a big deal of verbalising what happened: "did you bite Violet?? She is hurt! You bit her and she's very sad!" Then DD2 goes on a timeout while I tend to DD1, this gives her a chance to calm down as she usually bites because she's got hyped up. Then I get her to come and apologise to DD1, look at the mark (luckily she hasn't broken the skin before but she usually leaves a red mark ) and then get her a cold flannel, put cream on or something else to tend to her. She shows remorse now and does do it less.

 

[Eleanor ace]

Oh and PS, I would find it very hard not to smack in that situation (and I don't smack), being bitten so that you bleed must be so so sore and it'd be very hard not to react instantly when someone hurts you even if it is a toddler

 

[Teri7489]

Thank you for your advice everyone. I'm going to what you have suggested as what I'm doing isn't working at all. I still feel awful that I smacked him as I don't normally smack my children, he just really hurt me. Still isn't a good enough for me to react that way though. Will see what happens

 

[WackyMumof2]

OP, don't feel bad about a smack. Chances are we all do it - and it's generally a knee-jerk reaction to something such as a bite because they do bite hard (damn toddlers think it's funny) and it does catch one of guard. God knows DS3 has had a few smacks here and there!!

I'm so out of my depth here because my last toddler is now a full on 7 year old so I'm about to learn this all over again though I think being older, I'm a better parent than I was to my 2 eldest. I know he's only 2 but he will be of that age when he is aware of it hurting when he bites to some degree. Maybe a time out chair in a corner of the lounge?? How you would explain that to him to understand I don't know though. And teaching him 'sorry' can go a long way too. 'No' I think can be really effective. People say they don't understand but DS3 is almost 14 months and he understands alright! He will keep pushing for a few more rounds but when he realizes he's going to keep being told 'no' he decides it's not worth pushing the issue and tends to back off.

 

[SarahBear]

Consistent redirection and removal of whatever reinforces the biting. Be super consistent and remain calm - getting a reaction out of you is rewarding. Then the other thing needed is just time. Nothing will magically cure him of this habit except for good old brain development coupled with consistently showing him it's not a rewarding thing to do.

 

[hellojello25]

Mine was biting for a bit. We tried redirection and removal, but the very last time he did it, he got smacked. Honestly, it was not a knee-jerk reaction. My SO and I agreed that we don't want to spank, but we had tried everything else we could for months.. It wasn't a hard spank and it was on his butt. It was more of a tap than anything. He cried a little, but I think more from shock than anything, and he got the message. There hasn't been anymore biting since.

Some people at work told me they had to bite their children back when they were having biting problems in order to get them to stop. They said it worked. Not sure if you want to try that though...that seems a bit extreme.

 

[Teri7489]

A few people have told me that too, I'm not really keen on trying to bite him back. If I did it in the mood I was in last week I probably would have taken a chunk out of him ��.

He seems to have gotten the message for now. I've noticed him pretending to bite - kind of putting his mouth over my leg and making a sound like he's playing eating if that makes sense? then saying ow! I've said "no biting" with a sad face and he's given me a cuddle so he's understanding it's wrong. Just hope it continues, my bite still hasn't healed! lol

 

[SarahBear]

I think when people talk about it "working," you have to think about what lesson it really taught them and if that's the message you want your kid to get. It is a phase and it does pass. It's best if it can pass while treating the kid with decency and respect. They do pick up on and mirror back how you treat them. For example, all the explanations and talking I've done with Violet over the years, she has started repeating back to her younger brother. I wouldn't want "biting back" and similar practices to be what she models her behavior after.