20 week scan today

[nuala]

i had my 20 week scan today and was told my baby girl (found out sex today) has bad spina bifida and no chance of survial its all a haze my heart is breaking i cant do this took my husband and i 4 years for this.... so on tuesday i have to go into labour please if anyone has advice for me... i was told i can do a funeral is this true

 

[hellohefalump]

I'm really sorry for what you must be going through, I don't know the answer to the funeral question but I didn't want to read and run. *hugs*

 

[Chocciebutton]

So sorry to hear this........Ive not been in your shoes so I cant truly say I know how you are feeling, but imagining it seems unbearable . I hope you get the strength from somewhere to cope a little. I believe you can have a burial or a cremation if you wish, I believe that at 20 weeks a fetal death certificate is issued. I hope that you and your husband both get some support of some kind as it will be hard, especially as it took a long time for you to get this far . I will be thinking of you

 

[Imalia]

I don't know what it's like where you are, but when I had my baby at 20+1, we were able to have a funeral, although we got no foetal death certificate.

I know it is a heartbreaking thing to face, DH and I had been trying for twelve years through three early losses to get to 20 weeks and be told our baby had died. There's nothing I can say that can make it better, but I hope the coming days are as gentle as they can be for you, and the ladies here are wonderful at giving support.

My PM box is always open if you want to talk.

 

[AriannasMama]

Nothing to say just

 

[Rachel B]

So sorry

 

[netty]

so sorry

my sil lost her baby at 20 weeks earlier in the week
They were offered a funeral I believe.

 

[Boothh]

so sorry hun xxxx

 

[future_numan]

Oh sweetie, my heart breaks for you and your husband

 

[nuala]

it hurts so much words cant describe as she is still living and kicking inside it hurts so much everytime she moves and kicks i really dont wana go through this this week i hope they will allow me to spend as much time as we need and bring a teddy and camera i want some memories i feel as if someone has ripped my heart out

 

[sequeena]

So so sorry

 

[netty]

it hurts so much words cant describe as she is still living and kicking inside it hurts so much everytime she moves and kicks i really dont wana go through this this week i hope they will allow me to spend as much time as we need and bring a teddy and camera i want some memories i feel as if someone has ripped my heart out

you take as long as you need with your daughter
take lots of photos and have lots of cuddles

 

[peanut08]

OMG gutted for you cannot imagine what your both going through i will be thinking of you xx

 

[tabitha561]

Im so sorry I cant imagine what your going through. I will be praying that it goes quickly for you

 

[SugarKisses]

I am so sorry for your loss. I really am.

I have lost 2 babies now and had funerals for both. I didnt have much to do with my 1st because I so was numb, but I regretted it soon after and I made sure I did what I regretted with my first with my 2nd baby I lost.
Having the funeral is going to be so hard, but I would recommend doing as much as you can if thats what you feel like doing. I chose poems, the songs, chose what to put in the coffin, what colour coffin etc.

And when I lost my baby girl, I regretted not doing so many things with her with the time I did spend with her. So I did those things with my little boy. Like-taking as many pics as I could-both just baby and with me, daddy, family members. Pictures of feet, hands etc.
I bought a casting mould, and took moulds of his feet and hands, took hair from him, dressed him and cleaned him up. Held him as much as I could....
Hope you dont mind me suggesting this, like I said, I regretted not doing so many things with my baby girl and ill never get the chance back to do things differently.

Be gentle on yourself x x

 

[Jamaris Mummy]

Hello Nuala I'm so very sorry about ur sad news. I had to deliver my baby boy at 16 weeks in august of last yr. What I can suggest is take time to think about how u want to remember ur baby, we never had a funeral but I wish we did now. We got footprints taken etc. We didn't get photos. The choice is completely up to u n ur husband, don't let ANYONE talk u in or out of anything. The nurse recommend we not take photos coz her professional opinion was it wouldn't help our healing. I now feel it would have. All the very best sweetheart. Big hugs and strength sent to uIt's a tough journey but believe me the heartbreak becomes more subtle with time, I never thought I'd say that after losing our son but it is so true. Our baby boy had no chance of survival either but had a different condition. Take care Hun, wishing u the best...

 

[LHill2010]

This thread brought me to tears. My heart is breaking for you. I don't know what you're going through, but just know that we are all here to offer love and support. I'm so sorry.

 

[Hotbump]

there is member here i think that her username is teagansmama not sure and she has a daughter with spina bifida (sp?) im sure she wont mind if you pm her. Again

 

[iloveblue]

So sorry you are having to go through this.
We lost our baby at 20+3 weeks in October. We were offered the choice of making our own funeral arrangements but chose not to. We didn't get a death certificate - has to be over 24 weeks for this.

I really hope it goes as well as it can for you - do what feels right for you, and remember although the pain of losing your daughter will always be there, it does get easier.
xxxx

 

[LittleAngel09]

You poor thing. I lost my 1st baby to this. Its heartbreaking. You can have a funeral if you wish. The hospital did offer this to me, either one arranged by the chapel or to take her home and organise it myself.

I'm thinking of you and if you need to talk pls message me. I'm happy to listen.

x