20 week scan what do you do if one wants to know gender and the other doesn't?

[Louise88]

I get my scan in 2 weeks my oh is adiment were finding out the sex (considering baby lets us know lol) but me I'm not sure I want to know we have a beautiful daughter and we found out with her but she was our first baby so sex didn't matter and I wanted to go crazy and buy pink or blue things. This time though were both desperate for this baby to be a boy and I feel that finding out could destroy the remaining of the pregnancy for us if its another girl but know that if I leave it until birth to find out il love my baby regardless of sex instantly. I know all that matters is a healthy baby but when this will more then likely be our last I can't help but want a boy. So anyone been in a similar situation? What did you's do? I've been thinking of maybe getting them to write down the sex on a bit of paper so my oh can see it and I'll go on not knowing but I think I'll know just by my oh's reaction what it is as he'll be excited and over joyed if its a boy and will mope and be upset if its a girl.

Hate this predicament.

 

[bekkie]

yeah I don't think the whole 'he knows and I don't' thing would work... because in the 20 weeks you have left, at some point he would give it away - like you said... even with his reaction to seeing it. Honestly, this pregnancy has gone by so quickly that I haven't even had time to think about how we're still team yellow (we chose to find out the first time and have a surprise this time). You're so busy with your little one now that before you know it, littler LO will be here!

Tell him all about how amazing it will be once baby is born and he gets to call everyone and say 'IT'S A ______'!!

 

[SurpriseMom2B]

This is only my first pregnancy, but I was sure my baby was a girl and I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted a girl. I wanted to find out the sex to begin with but hubby could have cared less. In the end we found out and I'm so glad we did. One: because I feel like I can prepare better, I know you still have all the pink stuff kicking around but if it is a boy then you will have plenty of extra time to buy boy stuff! And two: turns out we are having a boy. And I am so glad we found out because it gave me time to process that I wasn't getting a girl before the baby arrived. I seriously couldn't picture myself with a boy, but now that I've had 11 weeks to deal with it, I'm totally boy crazy, and all about the blues, camos, and anything else boyish. So for that reason I really think it's best to find out, then you deal with the "disappointment" before baby arrives as by the time they get here your over it all and just plain excited to meet them. Hope what I'm trying to say makes sense lol

 

[ssjad]

We had a rule that we both had to agree, or we didn't find out.

 

[Louise88]

Thankyou for the replies suppose I need to sit down with him discuss the reasons why I don't want to find out the why he does, I already know why he does its because he wants to be told 'its a boy' so he can get excited and tell everyone he's having a son, I don't think he's thought it could be a girl though and I know last time he didnt speak to me for 2 days when we found out with our daughter I can't help but think we'll be happy with our choice of finding out if baby Is a boy but completely regret finding out if its a girl. It doesn't help that I feel I'm letting him down if its another girl as I know how much a boy means to him

 

[fairsinger]

We had a rule that we both had to agree, or we didn't find out.

I agree with this. My DH didn't want to know the first time, and even though I wanted to know, I agreed not to find out. With our last pregnancy, I really wanted to know and my DH was on the fence, but he left it up to me. He couldn't make it to the scan (our babysitter was unavailable so he had to stay home with our son), so I found out and gave him the option of finding out or not knowing. Once he knew that I knew, he wanted to know (which was good, because I am pretty sure I would have slipped up and said "her" at some point). This time, he was fine with finding out. We already have a boy and a girl, so in our case we didn't care either way. In your case, where you have a preferred gender and a possibility of being disappointed, I think you have to decide if you'd like to have time to deal with those emotions prior to birth or not. Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[Pearls18]

Yeah I don’t think one should find out and not the other. I really wanted a girl this time and wished we hadn’t of found out, I thought the time would help me process but in all honesty I am feeling detached from the pregnancy right now (I hate admitting that please no judgements) I will be thrilled when he’s here, but I wish I had just waited because I don’t think I would have gone through any disappointment. I never thought I’d say this I’ve always been such a big advocate of preparation being key, mentally and materially in terms of the gender. I think if one doesn’t want to find out, neither should, he’ll soon forget the frustration and anticipation when the baby is born.

 

[Pearls18]

Thankyou for the replies suppose I need to sit down with him discuss the reasons why I don't want to find out the why he does, I already know why he does its because he wants to be told 'its a boy' so he can get excited and tell everyone he's having a son, I don't think he's thought it could be a girl though and I know last time he didnt speak to me for 2 days when we found out with our daughter I can't help but think we'll be happy with our choice of finding out if baby Is a boy but completely regret finding out if its a girl. It doesn't help that I feel I'm letting him down if its another girl as I know how much a boy means to him

If he reacts like that you definitely shouldn't find out, that isn't fair on you.

 

[Pink Flowers]

we made the rule if one didn't want to know the other wouldn't find out. I wanted to with DS1 but he didn't we spoke about it and ended up not finding out. He was pretty sure as at a growth scan they looked and he saw it

This time we both wanted to find out, more to prepare DS1 x

 

[bekkie]

...I really wanted a girl this time and wished we hadn’t of found out, I thought the time would help me process but in all honesty I am feeling detached from the pregnancy right now (I hate admitting that please no judgements) I will be thrilled when he’s here, but I wish I had just waited because I don’t think I would have gone through any disappointment....

That's a big reason why we haven't found out - we really want a little girl... but when the time comes, if it's a boy - we will hopefully just be so excited that baby is here it won't matter... but I know I would be feeling the same way

 

[Rachael737]

A friend of mine doesn't know but her husband found out at the 20 weeks scan. She's now 32 weeks and so far no slip ups or arguing! Se went out of the room for a wee and when she came back her husband was grinning like a wild thing. They had agreed before hand mind that he wanted to know but she didn't.

Might work...

Good luck! X

 

[snowfia]

I was in the same situation. OH was insisting that we found out when I really didn't want to. He said he was going to find out and just not tell me, but I knew full well that he would end up telling me at some point, just to annoy me :L
He also really wants a boy and I know he's not going to be disappointed about it if it is a girl when he/she is born but would be if we found out.
He knew I wasn't going to give in though and when the woman asked if we wanted to know I just said no before OH had a chance to say anything and they're not going to tell you if you say no

 

[lam_76]

We're the same - I want to know but my partner doesn't. I asked him how he would feel if I knew and he didn't (he won't be at the scan) but he said he wouldn't like it! The main reason I want to know is for planning ahead, if it's a girl i already have a travel system but it's pink so no good for a boy, and i don't want to buy another one if there's no need. The other reason is my partner really wants a boy so if it's a girl I want to prepare him, although he says he won't disappointed if it is a girl. I'm also really really impatient, I think it would drive me insane if I have to wait until January to find out!! My scan isn't until 11 Sept so we have plenty time to discuss it though!

 

[Louise88]

I spoke with my oh last night about it, he then told me I was being silly for thinking he would be dissapointed with another girl, he would love a son and hopes baby is a boy but if its another girl then it just means he gets 2 gorgeous girls instead of one and went went on to say if its a girl we could always plan a 3rd and last baby in 2-3 years time apparently he's actually say down and thought of all the positives of having another girl so he wouldn't be dissapointed at the scan like he was last time, last time he got dissapointed because yes he wanted a boy but because everyone thought that the baby was a boy it built his hopes up to the point he didnt even consider the baby could be a girl.

Anyways I think we're going to find out now that we've spoke about it and he's said he's be equally as happy with another girl and that he's up for a 3rd if we don't get our boy lol

Thankyou for the replies

 

[Louise88]

Sorry double post

 

[babyhopes2010]

you HAVE to come to an agreement.

one cant know and not say anything. i can guarentee the one that doesnt know will ask OR the other one who does will let slip

we compromised team yellow 1st time
found out the sex this time


we had a girl last time. dh was so happy as she was born v healthy
this time i knew the reason he wanted to know is cos he wanted a boy. he told me he wasnt bothered but the way he punched the air when they showed him it was a boy spoke for itself

and he said yes if it were a girl he would have been disspointed but still happy and we would have had another. this is our last now

 

[TicToc]

I also have some friends where one parent wanted to know and the other didn't. So the sneaky parent mouthed the question to the tech when the non-sneaky parent wasn't paying attention and found out. They have since told a bunch of people what sex it is and everyone is sworn to secrecy to not ruin the other parents surprise. I know the secret, my DH does not. So I just pretend to wonder what it will be and can't wait to laugh and say how I knew already once it is born. I guess it's working ok, I still don't think anyone let the secret out.