25 and want to be steralised

[samsugar7]

I am not hinting that you could separate or anything like that, but even without separating, there might be reason that makes you want to be a mum again. I can understand making that choice when you are living in pain day after day, but otherwise, I think it is taking a very big chance that your feelings will never change. I am 40 in two months, and my God have I changed my views and my feelings since I was 25!

Thank you for replying, i think that i am at a stage now where it seems to be my last option.

My latex allergy makes any kind of condom (male/female) hard. OH has a lot of sensation loss from the latex free ones.

I cant have coil or anything like that because od the shape of my cervix.

And i am very cautios about being on the pill as i have already been on it for 13 years and dont want to keep pumping my body full of drugs.

OH is 10 years older than me and will have 3 kids when we have our next one and doesnt want anymore but his family see it as a sign of not being a man having his bits done

I just dont know what else to do.

x

 

[FBbaby]

Well I think I got it, he goes for the vasectomy and doesn't tell his family. What they don't know doesn't hurt!!

Sorry, I don't mean to undermine the issue. I don't know how much your OH and you have spoken about it, weighted all different options and compromised, but from what you write, it seems to be very one-sided. He isn't prepared to use condoms because of loss of feelings, and not prepared to have a vasectomy because of what his family might think. Surely at 35 he should care more about the effect a sterilisation might have on you than what his parents think of his manhood.

Have you discussed in length your concerns about pumping your body full of drugs? What are your concerns exactly. Most women will be on the pill for most of their lives and are just fine with it. They are some cancers you are actually less likely to get if you've been on the pill for many years (I think it cervical cancer, but not certain). I have to take antihistamines every single day, have done for 15 years now, and it is unlikely to change. The prospect did scare me at some stage, especially when I continued with the agreement of my GP whilst I was pregnant, but my GP reassured me that it is not because you take certain drugs long term that it does your body any harm. You can do a lot more damage by taking pain killers for just a few weeks.

I am playing devils advocate because I feel so useless when I have a mum in tears on the phone telling me how they wished someone had made them think harder when they took the decision to go with it, so feel a bit a duty to do that. In the end, it is your decision and yours only, just maybe don't rush with it, give yourself a bit longer and try to see about speaking with women who did go with it at a young age and see how it has affected them, positively or/and not.

 

[samsugar7]

Well I think I got it, he goes for the vasectomy and doesn't tell his family. What they don't know doesn't hurt!!

Sorry, I don't mean to undermine the issue. I don't know how much your OH and you have spoken about it, weighted all different options and compromised, but from what you write, it seems to be very one-sided. He isn't prepared to use condoms because of loss of feelings, and not prepared to have a vasectomy because of what his family might think. Surely at 35 he should care more about the effect a sterilisation might have on you than what his parents think of his manhood.

Have you discussed in length your concerns about pumping your body full of drugs? What are your concerns exactly. Most women will be on the pill for most of their lives and are just fine with it. They are some cancers you are actually less likely to get if you've been on the pill for many years (I think it cervical cancer, but not certain). I have to take antihistamines every single day, have done for 15 years now, and it is unlikely to change. The prospect did scare me at some stage, especially when I continued with the agreement of my GP whilst I was pregnant, but my GP reassured me that it is not because you take certain drugs long term that it does your body any harm. You can do a lot more damage by taking pain killers for just a few weeks.

I am playing devils advocate because I feel so useless when I have a mum in tears on the phone telling me how they wished someone had made them think harder when they took the decision to go with it, so feel a bit a duty to do that. In the end, it is your decision and yours only, just maybe don't rush with it, give yourself a bit longer and try to see about speaking with women who did go with it at a young age and see how it has affected them, positively or/and not.

From what i can understand from the doctor, being on the pill for years brings menapause on earlier and can cause complications but he didnt go into much detail. My mum had been on the pill for over 30 years and went through the menapause at 47 and it was horrendus she used to have to sit in the bath because she was bleeding so much. They havent directly linked it to the pill in her case because mum didnt want to go through more tests but it was suggested.

I try and avoid all medicines if i can and it was only after complications in child birth that i gave in after 36 hours and had the epidural. I know that the pill i was on caused my skin to break out, me to put weight on and also isnt really effective as Jaden was conceived on it!

I tried the implant and put on 3st in 2 months and it dropped straight off once i had it out.

I know that OH is being selfish as he says he wants to get married and 3 kids would be more than enough for him but i cant force him to get it done. After we have our next baby i am going to take him to the doctors when i discuss contraception and i want to doc to explain the procedure to him and things so he can make an informed choice rather than just saying no.

I completely understand where you are coming from hun as my X had a vasectomy young as he had 2 children but we were going to have a child and it would have been expensive to have it reversed. I wouldnt enter into this without thinking it through and talking about it. I wouldnt do it for at least 6 months after having our next child which gives me at least another year and a bit to get advice.

Thank you

xx

 

[Seity]

I don't see anything wrong with wanting to be sterilized at 25. My brother tried to be sterilized at 20 because he already had 2 kids with his wife and they didn't want any more. They wouldn't do it because of his age and so at 21 they ended up with a 3rd kid. They finally let him get sterilized at 25. He's now 31 and they are very happy with their decision. His wife was going to get her tubes tied if they wouldn't give him the vasectomy.