3 Y/O Son Calling My Boyfriend "Daddy"

[xnmd1]

Whats your thoughts on this?

My LO just recently started calling my boyfriend daddy. He calls him that about half the time and the other half of the time he calls him by his actual name. This was something he just started on his own . No one ever told him to or suggested it to him.

Im thinking I should just leave him be and let him call my boyfriend by whatever he is comfortable with calling him. I don't want to pressure him to call him any one name. I plan on talking about this with OH when he gets home as it happened a lot last night and this morning. He has said before though when we were talking that he would expect it to happen eventually as we plan to get married in the next year or so and hopefully have another baby together.

OHs daughters are here half the time and he hears them call him daddy so that may be a big part of what brought this new name on

and My LOs real dad only visits him for 30 min to 1 hour a week. My LO had said to me out of the blue the other day "you're the best mommy I know and Nick (my OH) is the best daddy that I know"

So what would you think ... leave it for him to decide what hes happy with calling my OH. or encourage him to call him something different?

 

[fannyadams]

Personally I would speak to your lo's actual daddy and go with what they think.
I would hate my lo's to call anyone else mummy and he is still in their life, although briefly.
It's a delicate situation.

 

[missk1989]

How long have you and your oh been together. If you have been together along time and its not going to really upset the bio father then i dont see why not.

 

[Palestrina]

I think that's more your boyfriend's decision don't you think? If he's comfortable with it then why not? But if he's not comfortable with it you should try to steer your LO to another name, preferrably chosen by your boyfriend.

And it's lovely that they're growing a bond, I'm sure that must feel very good and LO seems to love him. Just make sure your boyfriend feels that same way and move forward from there.

 

[sparkle_1979]

Such a hard one. I would talk to little ones biological dad and see how he feels. Personally I think I'd have him call him by his actual name if his real dad objects too much x

 

[Snow Owl]

I would def talk to LOs dad and see how he feels.

It could be gutting for him.

 

[MissRhead]

It's a really tough situation which I've been in myself before. My LOs dad doesn't visit very often but he is still known as daddy, I was with my partner and my LO was extremely close to him, I decided to nip anything like that in the bud straight away whenever it happened and I'm glad I did as we are actually no longer together. I'm not saying you will break up just giving my experience, Im just glad I didn't let it cross that boundary x

 

[Noodlebear]

A friend of mine allowed her LO to call her OH 'daddy'. They split up after a couple of years and he now has nothing to do with her as she was never his daughter so she was basically left upset and totally confused. In that situation it'd only work if your partner was going to take the child on as their own but if your LO still has contact with their real dad I don't think it's fair, but obviously that's just me.

My step dad raised me more than my bio dad did but I still called him by his first name as I had my dad. If me and my OH split I think it'd hurt to know that my child was calling someone else mummy, I just don't really agree with it personally.

 

[beanzz]

I personally would never let Oakley call anyone but his biological dad "daddy" as I see it as a bit disrespectful to him. I'd speak to your LOs real dad and see if he minds because he might find it really upsetting in whichcase you'd have to encourage LO to call your OH by his first name everytime.

I call my mums husband my step dad not dad when talking about him but always by first name when actually talking to him. It wouldn't feel right calling him dad

 

[cookette]

Honestly, in most cases this is a phase the kids correct themselves. My SD would slip and call me mommy sometimes, same with my brothers kids calling his new wife mom.

 

[~RedLily~]

As FOB is still involved (even if it is only for a short time each week) I would personally encourage LO to call your OH by his name.

 

[wifey29]

I would definitely speak to his bio dad seeing as he is still involved and go with his wishes. I know that my DH would be devestated if DS called someone else daddy. Maybe you could speak to your DS snd ask him if hed like to come up with a special nickname for your OH that only he uses.

 

[SilasLove]

I definitely think this is overstepping unless your OH had plans to adopt your LO and such. With his bio father being a part of his life, no mattee how small, it really shouldn't happen in my opinion.

 

[pinkribbon]

I personally don't think it's that big of a problem, my eldest son calls my partner daddy-his name and it's something he's decided to do for himself.

His actual dad is a waste of time but I've made no secret of the fact DS1 has chosen this for OH. He knows who his biological dad is, there's been no secret made of it.

Edited to say that I think it does depend on how serious your relationship is, how bio dad feels and also how your OH feels. I think it's one of those things you have to weigh up for yourself

 

[Rachel_C]

I think it's up to your son how he sees the adults in his life. If he sees your OH as his daddy, that's how he sees him so I think you should let him say it. What does he call his biological dad? Perhaps work out something different for each of them, maybe Dad/Daddy and Daddy Nick. Then if LO wants to switch to just Nick later he can. Personally, I feel that if a bio father is only seeing a child for a very short time each week, unless there are some real extenuating circumstances like being in the army or being too ill to travel, I don't care if they're upset by LO calling another man daddy. Want to be called daddy? Act like one! LO's are pretty honest - if LO feels that another man is more of a dad, he can't really argue with that. The way to change that would not be to tell LO not to say it, but to change his own behaviour so he earns the name himself.

If you hadn't been in a relationship for long or weren't sure it would last, I'd probably encourage Daddy Nick or let LO say daddy but you keep saying Nick just until you were sure it would last, but you sound like you are sure so I'd just go with it.

 

[SpringerS]

I agree with RachelC 100%. It's not up to you, your OH or your ex how your son sees the people in his life. Once he knows the truth about who his biological father and his step-father, it's his decision to make.

 

[pinkribbon]

I agree with RachelC 100%. It's not up to you, your OH or your ex how your son sees the people in his life. Once he knows the truth about who his biological father and his step-father, it's his decision to make.

I agree with her too, she worded it exactly how I should have

 

[seoj]

Kids like to label- it's comforting. My SD asked if she could call me Mom when I moved in with my hubby (then fiance). And tbh, if it hadn't been for how we knew her bio-mom would react, I would of said YES! BUT- it would have caused all sorts of issues- even though we've always had her full time and she's had limited visitation with her bio-mom (long story- but not the normal Dad getting LO every other weekend type thing).

In the end- because my SD was 9yrs old at the time, I told her I would love her to call me Mommy- but, that her Dad and I weren't married yet- and how fun would it be for her to make up a fun name for me... which she did. It took time, and she went through many names (some were pretty hilarious)- but in the end, she found one that stuck. And, for me, I love it! Actually- even more so than if she called me Mom- cause she already has one. So it's like our special name.

Again- she was 9yrs- and we didn't want her Mom to get upset or say anything mean to her because of it (at the time, she already reminded her often "that woman is not your Mom" type thing)-- if she had been a toddler, I think I would of let her call me whatever she was comfy with long as it wouldn't cause any issues with the ex.

In reality- a Mom or Dad is not just biological. That is where it starts, but being a parent is SO much more than that- so it's a way for the kid to associate and connect to their parents on a more personal level. Since your OH is (in most regards) your LO's parent... then do whatever you are both comfy with. Just my two cents though!

 

[LuckyYem]

Honestly if it was me I would come up with a special name for your OH. If me and dh were ever to split it would break my heart for my girls' to call somebody else mummy.

My mum has been with her husband for 18yrs I was a teen when the got together so have always called him by his first name, the same with my dads wife I never even refer to them as step dad/mum - but that's just me (it just doesn't seem right for some reason). When we had the girls' I said they could choose what they wanted to be called my mums husband went with Sparky, my dads wife went with grandma and mil partner (she's been with him years) went with pops. My mums husbands grandson calls my mum Noo Noo (don't ask lol) and he's nearly 9. In everyones eyes they are all grandparents even if not by blood and all of them treat and love them the same.