30 something and TTC #1 for a year

Hey aleja- first of all, well done for being proactive. I think it makes sense to try out use re embies. I think it's also less invasive on your body than doing a fresh cycle right? Outta curiosity, do they suppress natural ovulation during an fet cycle? The progesterone seems to be a good plan of action as brassy suggested- is your lp over 12 days? It will happen Aleja! It will for all of us.
 
thanks girls, I forgot about the pessaries -yes i did have the progesterone too. i don't know the protocol has much to do with it though. could just be me

I forgot to mention....my DH doesn't want me to do a double transfer!!!! WTF????? he got spooked by the FS's initial chat to us about the risks, etc........
 
hi girls. Bummed. But thank you for kind words and support. I smiled when I was reading them last night.

Yes I'm upset about this cycle. But I'm even more upset about the possible loss of future IUI attempts. With a count that low I dont think Id be doing any more IUIs. And that only means one thing... IVF. And that won't be in the near future. So I have to wait on a miracle and put myself on hold for awhile. And that's the hard part as I'll be hitting the 2 year mark at the end of this month.

Though Im not counting myself out of this cycle until AF arrives. I wont be drinking any alcohol for 2 weeks but I wont be surprised if no BFP at the end.

As of right now, Im thinking if this cycle doesnt work -- wait a bit and then try to get DH to get an SA done. Maybe this was a fluke? He does have the varococele (sp) but he put up 4 million and 10 million in July IUI. !?!? I dont get it. :( The only thing we can think of is heat. DH works outside and it's been a hot summer. I mentioned to the nurse and she didnt seem to know. Research Ive found is that sperm are a mystery basically.

DH seems willing to look into surgery for the varococele but all the research Im finding is so iffy on whether or not it helps. In fact, one thing I read is - it definitely helps with sperm counts. But it does not help with pregnancies. ?!?!?!

Then problem being, we dont know his spermy numbers until Im already knee deep in the IUI cycle. Money and time already spent.

Sorry to be so long winded.

Aleja, what are the risks your DH is concerned about? 2 babies?
 
Aleja, my lining on my 2 tracking cycles (round 1 & 8) was apparently great, though they didnt give me numbers unfortunately.

I think your plan of action sounds great, why is DH not happy?

MrsG sorry you're still feeling bummed, i think another SA is a great idea. Is your DH taking any vits to help?

x
 
Aleja - I can understand why your dh doesn't want to risk twins. Ous FS nurse did a pretty good job of scaring us with all the risks etc too and even though we did end up putting back 2 it was only because they were pretty sure the smaller one wouldn't take. Dh was very relieved that it was only one at the scan. (Although I have to admit I'd have been pretty excited if it had been two, despite all the warnings!:blush:) I think in your position I would push for a double transfer if you can convince him...the odds of both sticking mustn't be too high surely?

MrsG - it is very strange that your dh's numbers have changed so much since the last IUI... I think another SA might be a good idea too just to get a fuller picture. His original SA was good wasn't it? It is a bit of a mystery... I don't know much about varocele I'm afraid so can't offer any advice there. Fx'd this cycle will work and you won't need to think about any of this stuff! :dust:
 
Hi girlies
Mk I didn't answer your other questions . They don't suppress my ovulation during the FET cycle. They just track my natural cycle with BT and scans then put the emby back when I've ovulated . It's very easy on the body and would be a perfect way to fall preggers if it worked for us.
My LP is about 15 days so that part is fine too. I am thinking that maybe I have some immune type issues .. I have no proof of this but it's something they investigate if there is repeated implantation failure .

MrsG I can see why you are feeling despondent since your DHs numbers have decreased . I think you are right it could just be heat ... Men's spermy seems to change though time and because of environment factors too. Does he take any supplements ? All he needs is one good one so hopefully the fighter is in there somewhere and doing its thing with the eggy as we speak xx

I don't think DH is worried about twins as such, it's more that they are born pre/term, or have health issues etc
The other thing FS worried us about is the vanishing twin syndrome .. Where there is two sacs but 1 baby or one of the babies doesn't make it. apparently there is an increased risk to the other twin. It can be risky during pregnancy with twins but of course most twins are born healthy with no probs
 
thanks for encouraging words girls. Im just going to wait this cycle out and see what the doctor says. I know he'll request an SA. Either way, I feel like unless a miracle happens, I'm on hold for awhile. :growlmad:

Aleja, I completely understand why your DH is worried. With that being said, I'd try for the double transfer.
 
:hugs: mrsG

Yeah Aleja DH & I discussed this for if we had to go down the IVF route & we would also risk the twins if it meant a higher chance of one sticking.

Hope everyone has had a nice weekend

X
 
Hi ladies! Long time no talk. I see some pregnancy banners! I still think of all you and I'm so happy for you guys and hope and pray for a happy and healthy pregnancy!

Just wanted to say a quick hello since I never log into bnb.

My little Sabrina is now 6 months talking standing up and trying to do more. I'll check back. Can't wait to see more banners and bfps
 
Hello ladies!

How are you all doing?
Mrs G, I think that an SA would shed some light. My dr believes that at least two SAs should be done with at least three months apart so as to have a full picture of a mans spermies. And this even in the case of a good first SA. There is so much variation in all men that this is what they do here. It could just be a bad week but it would be safer to have it checked. Try to get DH to take some supplements if he doesn't already. There have been lots of positive testimonies on these supplements.

Aleja, I would personally go for the double transfer. I think that the benefits in this case perhaps outweigh any risks, but this is just an opinion. Do as you feel and try to convince DH to accept your views even if he doesn't agree 100 %. After all it is about our bodies, isn't it?

How is everyone else.
Who else is one their tww? I am 10 dpo and have regular pms symptoms, nothing very different. I have started temping again this cycle. Temps still up but I have a long lp and it is still early.

I have a question for the pregnant ladies in this thread: Was your bfp cycle tww any different from previous cycles? Any different symptoms? I always think that I would feel it if something different happened but I am curious to hear the answer from ladies that have actually experienced a bfp!
I have stopped taking the chinese herbs, even the ones I got last week in pills. I only took them for a couple of days. Didn't have any strange symptoms this time, but it just didn't feel right. I have an acupuncture appointment tomorrow, and I am not sure if I tell my therapist I didn't take them. Do you think that he would be insulted if I told him that I didn't feel safe to take them?

Hugs and babydust to all of you!!!
 
This is going to be long. I found an excellent article about infertility and emotions in another thread. It summarizes all my feelings. I thought it would be a good idea to share:

Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than seven million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.



Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.



The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.



As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money.



A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:
■They will eventually conceive a baby.
■They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
■They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a fosterparent.

Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don't know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.



Don't Tell Them to RelaxEveryone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.



Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.



These comments can also reach the point of absurdity. As a couple, my husband and I underwent two surgeries, numerous inseminations, hormone treatments, and four years of poking and prodding by doctors. Yet, people still continued to say things like, "If you just relaxed on a cruise . . ." Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.



Don't Minimize the ProblemFailure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.



Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.



Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could HappenAlong the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?



Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.



People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.



Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be ParentsOne of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.



Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVFIn vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?"



Don't Complain About Your PregnancyThis message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.



The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.



Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."



I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.



Don't Treat Them Like They Are IgnorantFor some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.



Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.



Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.



Don't Push Adoption (Yet)Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, "Why do you want to adopt a baby?" Instead, the question was, "Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?" Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.



You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.



Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, "Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.") However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.



So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.



Let Them Know That You CareThe best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.



Support Their Decision to Stop TreatmentsNo couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes.



Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.
 
That's a great article Brassy!! :thumbup: I think everyone should be made to read it!:haha:

As regards my last 2ww, from about 6dpo I had very distinct pinching pains and very vivid dreams. The night before my bfp I had my usual pre-af cramps and leg pains but they were much worse than normal. On the same night my throat suddenly got really sore. That was it. No nausea or increased cm or anything like that... Oh, and my bbs were sore but that was before the embryos were even transferred back and probably mostly due to the meds. Hope that helps some!:shrug:

I think your acupuncturist should respect your decision not to take the herbs. Mine had no problem with me stopping them. It's your body after all!!
 
brassy, thanks for the post i was in tears reading it as every word rings true for me.
I have a close friend who told me to "enjoy life" whilst I don't have a baby and since this day (which was months ago now!!!) I haven't made any attempt to see her/contact her. I feel mean but that comment just blew me away:cry: people can be so insensitive and they don't even know it.

brassy will you be testing ?? you must be going mad by now!!! GL and I hope this is it:kiss:
As for the herbs, it is really your choice to stop..you paid for them so don't feel bad for your practitioner. It would feel worse if you kept on doing them and regretted it later.


and OMG Futuremommy your little girl is absolutely gorgeous...What a smile she has!! congratulations and enjoy every minute of it:flower:

I *think* my DH is coming around to the idea of a double transfer. It is my body at the end of the day but he still needs to officially consent and it would be nice to be on the same page. I think he is coming with me to the next FS appt so he can talk to the doc about it then
 
Aleja, I thought while reading the article that someone had found a way to express all those feelings I couldn't describe with my own words...You are not mean by not contacting your friend! You are just hurt, and you have to protect yourself, even if that means that you might lose a friend...I have lost contact with a friend of mine whom we started ttc at the same time. She fell on the first month without even trying. She has said all different kinds of insensitive things to me while she was pregnant and I was stressed, so I decided that I don't want this. It is so difficult to try and understand other people's feelings...I don't want to be made to feel guilty when I am stressed, disappointed and all I want to do is stay in bed and cry all day. It's my life and I am going through this, so I want to deal with it in my own way. When people say that if you relax it will happen, I feel guilty, exactly as described in the article.

I am glad that your DH starts getting used to the idea of the double transfer. When would the FET be? Where are you in your cycle now?

I am 10-11dpo, temp went slightly up today, but I feel all the pms symptoms. I decided that I won't test. I can't deal with anymore bfns...I don't want the weekend to come....I am ok in my ignorance...

Hugs to all the ladies!
 
Brassy that was a great article, thanks for finding it. It really does express that feeling I have every time AF arrives.
 
Brassy, I had no symptoms whatsoever until a few days after my BFP (though I did test early) & my only symptom was cramping. Then about a week later my bbs were sore but I'm only just now getting noticeably increased cm so I will never believe that supposed aymptom again lol!

Future your LO is gorgeous, congrats!

Aleja great to hear dh is coming round!

Hi to everyone else :wave:

x
 
hi gals,
thanks brassy, i totally agree with you - I am all for self-protection these days!!! infertility must be up there with one of the hardest things to deal with personally, yet then we have all our friends/family some whom have no idea and saying silly things like "relax and it will happen"
This one is my favourite..it kills me....because I have come to realise its a load of BS!!! I work with kids whose parents are junkies, criminals, violent, neglectful, and completely stressed yet they manage to fall pregnant with ease.
I feel like saying "Um, no its not going to happen because my DH has very low sperm count, which is diagnosed as a MEDICAL CONDITION YOU MORON THEREFORE RELAXING WILL NOT HELP!!!!!!!!:wacko:

Ok sorry about that, i needed to vent!

hang in there its still early for you ....witchy stay away please.

I had an endometrial biopsy today. It hurt like hell. Its supposed to help the embryos stick in the next FET cycle (in November)....who knows it sounds experimental but I am willing to try
 
So sorry your procedure hurt today Aleja :hugs: It'll all be worth it when you see that bfp though! :dust: (in advance!!)
 
Aleja, I know exactly what you mean! I work with kids too and I think about those things you mentioned all the time! I was telling DH last night that it's so unfair. Someone whom we know had aborted three children between age 16-30. And then she fell pregnant with her daughter by accident! And once she told me holding her daughter in her lap that had she known how difficult it is to raise a child she would have aborted her daughter, too! This I call unfair! Although DH insists that life doesn't work this way I still feel like that!

How did they do the biopsy? Is it similar to D&C? What are they looking for? I hope you have the best outcome!!! GL!!
 

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