35 and over and ltttc for baby #2 for over 2.5yrs!

[Cookie1979]

Orchid - really hoping that you get your bfp! Fingers and toes crossed. I really need to do a good clean, I do bits here and there but always seems to be more to do.

Rang the doctors and they said they would ask a nurse if I can have a blood test to check rubella, I expect a call back tomorrow. Really really hope they agree and that I'm now immune then can start trying again next cycle. Fingers crossed.

Hubby is away at the moment, he's away Sunday to Friday for 3 weeks but he'll be back in plenty of time for me ovulating next cycle. Weird sleeping in my bed alone, couldn't sleep properly last night.

X

 

[tommyg]

Orchard does it not feel good to have a clear out. One of my aims is to spring clean every cupboard once a year. And the amount of stuff that gets hauled out that hasn't been touched since the last clean is scary but it does encourage me to say I haven't used that in a year or 2 am I ever likely to use it? At which point it is likely not to make it back into the cupboard.
But at the moment it's the mountain of baby stuff that seems to lurk in every cupboard that is bugging me. I dream of reusing it but the clutter factor is bugging me.

Good luck cookie with your bloods tomorrow.

Hello maiden, sorry your faced with IVF as your only option. People who have never walked this road will never understand that the child you long for is a sibling for the child you've got. Your child can't be their sibling.

 

[WhiteOrchid24]

Thanks Cookie!

Tommy - it feels SO good to finally have the house completely done. I am such a hoarder so it was tough as just so much stuff but we got there and all is well. The paperwork is all signed so the house goes on the market on Wed....

Maiden - so glad you came over! I am so sorry for what you have been gone through... It must have been so heartbreaking to discover what had happened to DH and how insensitive for ppl to tell you how lucky you are to have 1 and that should be enough! People really don't get it.... A desire to have a child can't be tamed or ignored just because you have 1... In fact you have lots of other issues to deal with that others don't even think of... Like Tommy said - you can't escape places with children and babies and you have the guilt of not being able to provide a sibling.... That's my toughest thing just now... Anyway happy you are here and hopefully you get a miracle. It's so unfair how expensive IVF is.... Have you discussed any other options.... Does you DH still have some sperm? Sorry not sure how it works! Sending big hugs

Bex - sorry I totally missed your message! I am glad you were able to at least enjoy some wine to console yourself about the horrible witch arriving! I will be doing the same for sure!!

As for testing well AF is due on Sunday.... FF says I ovulated on the Saturday so I would most likely start spotting on the Sat. Regardless though I HAVE to go for a blood test first thing on Monday - for the clinic, so that they know for sure. If by any small miracle I haven't started bleeding by Monday morning then I will test with FMU as I couldn't handle being told over the phone by the clinic that it's negative!

AFM: Definitely not feeling very hopeful unfortunately....Not entirely sure why but my gut feeling is that I am definitely out. Tommy very much doubt it would be implantation as I have pretty much had it mildly and on and off since Day 4. I am also starting to feel little niggles of sensitive bbs tonight which is generally never a good sign..... I've basically resided myself to the thought that next week I might have to head back to the clinic to get started on the injectable hormones. Urgh.... The thought of all that drivers doesn't appeal but what do you do?!

Hope everyone else is doing well!! Is anyone else in the 2ww?

 

[Cookie1979]

Maiden - One thing I hate is when people say to appreciate what you have, do they think because we want a second child that it means we don't appreciate what we have? Makes me so mad! Wanting another baby doesn't mean you dont appreciate, doesn't mean you don't feel lucky and doesn't mean you love your child any less. Its not about that. Personally I just feel like our family isn't quite complete yet, I want another child, I want my son to have a brother or sister, but wanting that doesn't take away from what I feel for my son. Just last night we sat eating dinner together and he was telling me how much he loves mash potato and peas (as he ate them) and I just thought I'm the luckiest mummy in the world! He's adorable and sweet and he's mine and the simplest things just make me feel lucky...if I didn't want another child my feelings and my thoughts about him wouldn't be any different. Oh I'm so sorry about your hubby, that must have been a real blow...is there any way he could get compensation? IVF is so expensive, I had a look a couple of clinics near me and the cheapest I found was £3400, but free if you donate eggs...but I'm too old to donate. My sister in law just did IVF, she was successful first round but it cost her £5000! Just so much money!

Oh Orchid, you never know...perhaps this negative feeling is your way of shielding yourself, if you tell yourself you are out and then you are you subconsciously think it will be easier. That's how I've been in the past. Still keeping my fingers crossed for you. I'd be in the 2 ww if I was allowed to try, but nope...just still hoping that we can start again next cycle.

AFM - Booked myself in for reflexology, I felt so much better just from chatting to her for 10 minutes. She just was so nice and her positivity is infectious. So I start that on the 16th, its not cheap but maybe just doing something different, something that will relax me abit and make me feel more optimistic will help. You never know anyway.

tommy - I really need to have a proper clear out of the cupboards in my house, particularly in my bedroom, there is stuff in the cupboards that hasn't been touched in years, and my kitchen cupboards need a major sort out. I think I'll write a list of everything that needs doing round the house and work through it.

xx

 

[Destiny08]

hi everyone!

this seems like a great place to be.
I'm 24 with a 3 year old DD, been with DH for 8 years, married for 3 and a half. we've been trying for number 2 for almost 2 years now, with no luck at all...
im in awe of all of you who have been trying for longer...i feel like i'm on the brink of giving up, which is devastating as i've always wanted at least 3 children.

how do you keep going?

also...IVF. can anyone explain more to me? I would have to go down the route of egg sharing, as we couldn't possibly afford it privately, and as i already have a child, the NHS wont help me.

any advice anyone can give would help so much.

as a sidenote, i was put back on anti depressants a week ago as trying for a baby on top of other stuff is getting a bit tough. and i have a history of depression.

oh also! does anyone have irregular cycles? and has anyone tried using the pill to make them more regular?

sorry for all the questions!

 

[Wish4another1]

ladies
Good Tuesday morning to ya!!

orchid - I am still holding out hope for you this TWW... sometimes our feelings are trying to protect us... but I would rather just see your BFP!!! hehe
good job on the clean out of the cabinets (as we call it here) I forsee quite a bit of that in my future as my husband and I consolidate two houses into our new one!!

tommy - what are you next steps? when is your next appointment or are you waiting a bit?

destiny - welcome to the thread - I hope your stay is SHORT very short!!! but the ladies here are absolutely awesome!! I can't help you with IVF - my DH won't do any type of assisted conception (except clomid and that had major complications for me)
but I know many ladies have got their take home babies from IVF and there are definitely some here on this thread!!

Maiden - welcome to the thread also!! again I hope your stay is very short!! I am so sorry to hear about what happened to your DH - is there any recourse at all against those that did the hernia surgery... how will they get the sperm for IVF if he has been accidentally steralized?? My prayers are going out to you and your DH as you try to process all this...


bex - good for you for enjoying a glass of vino and not letting AF get you down... here's hoping for this cycle for you!!

cookie - you obviously appreciate your son... we all appreciate the children we have - it doesn't make us NOT want to have another... sigh....

to anyone I missed!!

AFM: Found out last night that my DH's best friend's wife is 5 weeks pregnant... I am happy for them - she has had two early losses and been primary care giver for her sister's two kids (while sis was out pretending not to care about them) DH best friend also has a son with autism - so she has spent the last 10 years caring for other peoples kids (and not complaining) - so I am happy that she will finally have a baby of her own (they have seen the heartbeat - this is the furthest she has got)...
anyway I am truly happy for them - almost 3 years and 2 losses - they deserve this forever baby!!

and another word about people saying we are ungrateful for the child(ren) we have - I have learned to NEVER start a sentence with "AT LEAST" and I mean about anything... i have gotten it many time atleast you have the girls...yes I do but husband doesn't have any children!!! its just hurtful way to start a sentence in my book...

anyways... we got some unexpected good news last night - my husband's annual bonus was double what we thought...which is so awesome!!! God is really working out all the details on buying this new house!!!!
Hope each of you have a great day!! back to work for me

 

[Cookie1979]

Wish - great news about the bonus!!! My hubby is the same, says no to further treatment, so got to hope it will happen naturally.

Destiny - welcome! Can't help with IVF as thats a road we won't be going down, if in doubt google...thats how I find out about most things, although not always a good thing of course. I hope you have some luck soon, I've been trying about 21 months now so I feel your pain, my emotions are very up and down, one minute I think I'm doing ok, the next something sets me off. I went through a phase of thinking it will never happen, but I'm trying to be more positive.

AFM - Another pregnancy announcement! I mean seriously, some higher force is trying to knock me down, well I will not be knocked down, my feet are firmly on the ground. Really got to stop letting other peoples news get to me so much, I think I'm doing better, I had my usual reaction but once I vented to a friend I felt alright and I feel like I'm not going to breakdown, and I'm happy for her, jealous but happy. So a woman I work with (we've always got on great) now works in a different office to me (we have 3) and she emailed asking if I'm in tomorrow, but I'm not I'm working from home. Thank goodness as obviously she wanted to tell me to my face and I may well have cried, instead she told me that she's pregnant with number 2 over email, and just to rub salt into a very open wound she told me another girl from work is also pregnant but with number 3. I feel like history is repeating itself, she announced to me that she was pregnant quite soon after I miscarried (this was before my son) so I think she saves her announcements for ultimate impact!! Only joking! Fact is no matter how many other people get pregnant its not going to change my situation, so need to stop reacting so badly. Happy thoughts and all that!

x

 

[maidenkates]

Tommy- thank you so much. Secondary infertility is so confusing and painful and lonely. I had only been dealing with it for a year without answers, I don't know how devastating it must be for longer... My friends keep telling me that my daughter won't be alone because they have multiple kids that will be there for her.... Not the same!!! I fear she will be alone. IVF seems so far out of reach....

Orchard- DH SA came up zero they would have to take his swimmers directly from his testes for another 7,000. Your road has been so long, I hope you are nearing your destination. I will cross fingers this is your last 2ww.

Cookie- everyday this kid does something that cracks me up or is amazingly sweet, I totally understand what you mean. She loves babies and talks about them nonstop, so I know she would love love love a sibling. Breaks my heart. We are in California so for us the whole process including DH sperm retrieval surgery would be about $24,000 that would wipe us out.....

Destiny: I also don't know how these wonderful women are staying so strong. I know I have gone through waves of emotion from rage to depression, I am starting a General Anxiety Disorder class Thursday to try and deal without medication.... This totally sucks, but it feels so much better to know you're not alone

Everyone: thank you for the outpouring of support. I hope you all get your BFPs really soon and I hope I didn't miss anyone's message, you are all so kind.

 

[maidenkates]

ladies
Good Tuesday morning to ya!!

orchid - I am still holding out hope for you this TWW... sometimes our feelings are trying to protect us... but I would rather just see your BFP!!! hehe
good job on the clean out of the cabinets (as we call it here) I forsee quite a bit of that in my future as my husband and I consolidate two houses into our new one!!

tommy - what are you next steps? when is your next appointment or are you waiting a bit?

destiny - welcome to the thread - I hope your stay is SHORT very short!!! but the ladies here are absolutely awesome!! I can't help you with IVF - my DH won't do any type of assisted conception (except clomid and that had major complications for me)
but I know many ladies have got their take home babies from IVF and there are definitely some here on this thread!!

Maiden - welcome to the thread also!! again I hope your stay is very short!! I am so sorry to hear about what happened to your DH - is there any recourse at all against those that did the hernia surgery... how will they get the sperm for IVF if he has been accidentally steralized?? My prayers are going out to you and your DH as you try to process all this...


bex - good for you for enjoying a glass of vino and not letting AF get you down... here's hoping for this cycle for you!!

cookie - you obviously appreciate your son... we all appreciate the children we have - it doesn't make us NOT want to have another... sigh....

to anyone I missed!!

AFM: Found out last night that my DH's best friend's wife is 5 weeks pregnant... I am happy for them - she has had two early losses and been primary care giver for her sister's two kids (while sis was out pretending not to care about them) DH best friend also has a son with autism - so she has spent the last 10 years caring for other peoples kids (and not complaining) - so I am happy that she will finally have a baby of her own (they have seen the heartbeat - this is the furthest she has got)...
anyway I am truly happy for them - almost 3 years and 2 losses - they deserve this forever baby!!

and another word about people saying we are ungrateful for the child(ren) we have - I have learned to NEVER start a sentence with "AT LEAST" and I mean about anything... i have gotten it many time atleast you have the girls...yes I do but husband doesn't have any children!!! its just hurtful way to start a sentence in my book...

anyways... we got some unexpected good news last night - my husband's annual bonus was double what we thought...which is so awesome!!! God is really working out all the details on buying this new house!!!!
Hope each of you have a great day!! back to work for me

I knew I would miss someone, so sorry we are going to talk to a lawyer soon, but I am not holding my breathe it's a huge hospital and I know they are protected. But I am also feeling kind of negative right now... I need to get over that! Hopefully we will be able to get IVF covered by them otherwise we would have to do it in one lump sum.
Thank you again for talking to me, this is the nicest group ever!

I didn't realize you all were overseas the internet is pretty great

 

[tommyg]

Evening Ladies

Orchard, well done getting the house ready to go on the market. Hope you get a quick sale. Have you seen any houses you fancy yet? Fingers crossed for Monday lets hope you get a BFP and not have to do another round of treatment, and a million miles of driving.

Cookie, hope the reflexology does it for you. I have to say my logic with "alternative" therapys is they might not do anything but they are not going to harm either. I tried acupuncture for a few months last year other than being relaxing it didn't do much for me. Currently trying spearmint tea!

Destiny hope is what keeps us all going. You might be able to find IVF advice in the assisted conception forum. However there are other things to try, clomid, IUI before IVF depending on your issues. I assume dd was a natural conception.

Wish how are you doing? Fantastic to hear about your friends, fingers crossed for a sticky bean it sounds like they really deserve it. Bit of luck and you'll be her bump buddy.
Is the next secret to getting pregnant on this thread - be to move house - are you and Orchard planning to start a trend???
Seriously enjoy your new place, have fun sorting stuff out, I found it quite therapeutic to actually move into what was OUR house rather than me living in his house.

Maiden we are dotted about the place, Canada, UK, USA but we are united in our dreams.

AFM I'm doing fine, hoping that my cycle is a naturally short one, then I can try IUI for next cycle. Going away for a week on Saturday so they wouldn't treat me this cycle. However looking forward to getting away for a family week skiing. Get the boy going on his skis. We only booked it about 4 weeks ago as I'd been living in hope that I wouldn't be able to ski because of a baby, been living that dream for the last 2 winters.

 

[Srbjbex]

Thanks for the support ladies - AF has just about disappeared now glad about that! Onto the next cycle hey! OH had his repeat SA yesterday so hopefully we will get the results of that soon and we can move onto the next phase of our journey. We are going to an open evening at the Priory BMI private hospital to talk to a consultant next week re IVF, I'm actually looking forward to finding out a bit more.

maiden and destiny - welcome to the thread, this is a friendly bunch who have welcomed me with open arms and I am very grateful

maiden - that sound awful re your hubby. I agree with the others - is there some kind of compensation you can get as this is a clear consequence of the surgery, even if it's just enough to cover some IVF.

destiny - I'm starting to learn more around IVF, we are probably looking at ICSI where they inject the sperm directly into the egg as its OHs swimmers that are our problem. Like you we will have to self fund, so have been doing some research into local clinics. I'm no expert by any means, but is there something specific you wanted to know?

Tommy - ooo a holiday sounds good. I know the feeling around booking things. The last few times we have booked holidays (we always do it well in advance) and I always think "I will most likely be pregnant by then" and then the holiday comes and goes. best thing I have learnt is never let the expectation of being pg stop you from doing something. Worst case scenario you have to cancel!

Cookie - yep I've had more pg announcements here too! Boo! No-one close which is better, but still frustrating. And can't help but feel when is it my turn! I also have a colleague just the same as you - she announced her pregnancy just after my miscarriage and it was very very hard. I genuinely am worried she is going to announce her second pg soon (even though I have no idea if she is trying or not) just because it seems like sod's law.

Wish - couldn't agree more with your 'At Least' comment. I've told very few people about or struggles - only people I know who will understand. If we go down the IVF route we will need to tell my parents what's going on etc. and I'm worried about the 'at least' reaction

Orchid - I'm nervous for your wait - I can't bear to think what it will be like for you!! not too long now!

 

[maidenkates]

Srbjbex- thank you, it has been rough, but I keep thinking I should be happy that we know what the problem is. We are going to talk to a lawyer soon, I am crossing fingers because we can't afford IVF on our own
Sorry for your loss, an announcement right after must have been unbearable. My friend sent me a picture of a positive pregnancy test and asked "what do you think? Is it positive?" When I called to congratulate her she told me she didn't want to be pregnant and has complained about it ever since Hopefully we will have our time soon xo

 

[WhiteOrchid24]

Hi everyone!

Sorry I feel so far behind! I have been so busy and honestly just trying to keep my mind of the inevitable that will be this weekend/Monday. It is turning out to be brutal! I'm trying so hard to forget about but it is impossible... I have gone from one extreme to the other as the other day I was so cranky and fed up and felt completely out as I had my usual back pain on my left side (not a good) sign, then yesterday early afternoon I was super emotional and all over the place. So far my bbs are absolutely fine but it wouldn't be the first time that they haven't hurt before AF arrived (it's not common but it has happened). To be honest I am trying to protect myself and accept there is a good chance that I will be back at the clinic next week to start cycle #2 and the injectables but it is so hard. And not helped by the fact that last night I dreamt I was pregnant.... It was so weird I had no tummy or sign that I was pregnant but my friends were all congratulating me (it was after 12 weeks) and telling me how they had known earlier but didn't want to say anything and then that my MIL was convinced I was having a boy!! So weird and frustrating! I hate pregnancy dreams!

4 more days to go until AF is due although I have also read that sometimes Femara can cause you to be late...so will see. I am undecided if I will test Sunday or Monday.... In some ways I just want to know and put this misery behind me so I can move on!

Sorry ladies - I haven't caught up with any of you....just talking about myself! But I wanted to just update you with where I am....

One thing I did want to say to Maiden was that I really hope you get some compensation... had you known there was a risk of DH becoming sterile you would have frozen some sperm (I'm sure) on the basis that it could happen. The fact you were never informed of that risk must surely be negligence of the part of the hospital/dr you dealt with. I hope it works out - that is a crazy amount of money for IVF since you have to go through the added steps of surgery to get the sperm. I'm sending big hugs - you have had a really tough time.

A big hello to everyone else and sorry again for not responding individually. I have to get out of the house in 1 hour for a viewing with other realtors but I will try and catch up properly tonight if I can! Hugs to you all

 

[tommyg]

Maiden, I'm missed the bit about what happened to your husband. Before you pin your hopes on compensation, One thing to watch is did he sign any disclaimers before the op?
I know before any op I've had (wisdom teeth, bust appendix, cyst removal) I've had to give my permission, and although I have to confess I've never actually read any of them. They all seem to be a sheet of paper crammed with the smallest print ever. I've always taken the view the op is needed esp my appendix I'd have died without that op so the risks don't matter but I'd be surprised if they didn't contain an acceptance of the risks involved.

Orchard good luck with you realtors. Did you have sore boobs before you feel pregnant with DS? Fingers cross for you.

Bex hope the SA comes back without any issues.

AFM doing ok, looking forward to some family time.

 

[WhiteOrchid24]

When do you leave to go on holiday Tommy? You must be so excited....I wish we were going on holiday!!

With DS no I didn't have sore bbs - not til about 5 weeks I think... Which is why I had absolutely no clue for the first few days that I was pregnant... I had spotting which I assumed was my period starting but then it stopped... At that point I figured something was off! That being said I'm sure about 6 months ago I had a cycle where I didn't get sore bbs until about 1 or 2 days before AF so I can't go on that alone as got my hopes up for that cycle only to have them crash down! I wish I could just tune everything out!!

 

[maidenkates]

Hi WhiteOrchid- I am really hoping for you!! Your wait has been long enough. In my opinion pregnancy dreams are a good sign, I only had them when I was pregnant with my daughter, in all of my symptom spotting and BFNs I always knew I wasn't because I didn't have any dreams or cold sores also, thanks for your well wishes. He got the surgery 3 months after we started trying so I made him ask the surgeon. And he said there was no reason to worry, that it wouldn't be a problem, but I still agree with TOMMY and think that it had to be in there somewhere. The urologist seemed to brush over the fact that it was caused by the surgery like it happens all the time but when I Google it, most things say that in this day and age it rarely happens.... But still states it's possible, so I would be REALLY surprised if we didn't sign away our chance for the family we have always wanted. I will be thinking of you and hoping for your BFP xoxo

 

[tommyg]

Orchard it's hard trying to tune out, when you are just dying to know have you hit jackpot or not, and AF and BFP signs are just so so similar that it really could go either way.
Meant to say I've only had prego dreams a few times (including the one with the quads recently lol) and initially I wanted to think they were some sort of good omen but now I just believe they are wishful thinking. TTC is just on your mind so much your brain needs to process it. But it is always a weird feeling when you wake up trying to work out if it is real or just a dream (kind of glad the quads were a dream)

Maiden the other issue is proving it was the Doc who did the damage and not scar tissue which does it's own thing. Also if he had any infections that can also cause scaring. Sorry I'm not being helpful but I think trying to get any compensation would be a long road and probably cost a small fortune in legal fees before you get anything.

 

[Cookie1979]

tommy - skiing sounds good! Sure you'll have a fab time and will be good for you to go away and relax abit. Have you heard of inositol? Its supposed to be a good treatment for PCOS. Google it if you want to know more. It did screw up one of my cycles, but I have read so much positive information about that that I'm going to try it again but a lower dose.

Bex - the open evening sounds interesting, wish my hubby was more open to further treatment. His sister just had ivf and the first round was successful, but the hubby says no!

Orchid - I totally understand about protecting yourself, I do exactly the same and I imagine with something like IUI you go into it with pretty high hopes and must be really hard to face it not working. I hope your gut instincts are totally wrong, really hope you get your bfp. xx

Maiden - hope you get some compensation, especially with IVF costing so much.

AFM - Well the doctor called this morning and she instantly agreed that I should get my rubella immunity tested again...she seemed abit mythed as to why the nurse had said no and to just get the second jab. She's the same doctor I took my son to see last week and I spoke to her about it so maybe that helped. Anyway have my blood test tomorrow morning so they are going to check rubella along with my progesterone. Keep your fingers crossed that I'm now immune!! xxx

 

[maidenkates]

Tommy- don't be sorry, you're just being realistic all things I have thought and told my DH, he wants to get a free consult with a lawyer and see how it sounds, but I am not hopeful. I can take out family loans but I don't know about having that much debt EEK! Your journey has been so long, how do you stay strong and hopeful? I am having such a hard time staying positive... You ladies are inspiring

Cookie- thank you! I hope you are immune, I had to take a break for a stupid vaccine and it drove me nuts. It was 2 months. Is Chicken Pox Rubella? That's the one I needed. I got it after my daughter was born and they never checked to see if it worked and it didn't so I had to get it again 2 years later. If you do need to get it, make sure they check to see that it worked

 

[tommyg]

Maiden its worth a free chat with a lawyer to get their thoughts on it. The big questions to ask how likely are you to win, how long to go through the courts, and cost.

Rubella is also known as German Measles - nothing to do with chicken pox.