.

[Mustang_Love]

Well, I managed not to test todya! Woot! Lol! I kept busy putting up the Christmas tree and decorations. Zach LOVED it! This is the first year that he has really gotten into decorating the tree. I have a bunch of pics, but not sure how to get them loaded since I no longer have my laptop. I will try though. I will be 9 to 10dpo tomorrow. Do you think that is still too early to test? Or should I wait til Sunday? Or would you jsut wait for AF to show?

Sounds like a fun day! Congrats on not testing I started testing around 8DPO but didn't get my BFP until 13DPO. If you can keep busy and hold off on POAS, I would. But I understand that is SO much easier said then done!

 

[andella95]

So, I've only used $ tree tests this cycle, and haven't really had anything close to a BFP. Today was 13 dpo, so I figure my chances are shot - although when anyone else says that, I tell them there is always hope until AF arrives!

I am really, really close to giving up. Unfortunately, I think I'll ALWAYS be aware of EWCM and know when my fertile time is and don't think it will ever truly be off my mind, even though this is getting too hard. It's not the testing part that makes it hard - I can handle BFNs and all that, it's just every month goes by, and suddenly it's two years later and still no baby. In another two years I'll be 35...almost 36. This is making me realize just how badly I want it. I don't know how to come to terms with the fact that I really, truly, might not be able to have another baby.

I usually get a migraine the day before I start spotting, and then the next day I get AF, but I actually had a headache yesterday, and have been having very slight cramping tonight. Pretty sure AF will start tomorrow or the next day.

I just keep picking up this (now dry) test and seeing that little evap line and wishing that somehow...maybe...it's not an evap. I feel like such a fool!!!

On the other hand, I'm thinking that maybe Brandy is going to get lucky and get her BFP this month!!! That would be so awesome!

Sorry to be a downer, but I just don't have anyone to talk to about this. DH doesn't get it at all.

Off to bed now, probably cry myself to sleep tonight.

So sorry guys.

 

[BrandysBabies]

Oh hun! I am so sorry this has gotten you feeling so down. You vent and cry with us all you want, we arent going anywhere. I just dont understand why god makes it so hard for some women to conceive. It's not fair and just not right, especially when you want it so badly. I keep trying to talk myself out of it as well telling myself that I am just fooling myself thinking I am already pg, why should I get to be that lucky? I have never been the girl to get picked first. I have never been the girl to win the prize. I have never been the popular one or the pretty one or the one who gets everything she ever wished for, so why should this be any different? And I think the answer to that is that as long as we are TTC we still have hope. Lean on us just as we will lean on you. It's hard enough that we are the "big girls" of the group with out beating ourselves up in the process. to you! And btw, YOU ARENT OUT TIL THE WITCH SHOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[StarlitHome]

I keep trying to talk myself out of it as well telling myself that I am just fooling myself thinking I am already pg, why should I get to be that lucky? I have never been the girl to get picked first. I have never been the girl to win the prize. I have never been the popular one or the pretty one or the one who gets everything she ever wished for, so why should this be any different? And I think the answer to that is that as long as we are TTC we still have hope.

thanks Brandy. I really, really needed to read that tonight.

I've been feeling very down the past couple days - combination of PMS, disappointment over the BFN, and missing my family as it's nearly Christmas and I haven't seen any of them since last December - and I just really, really needed that.

 

[BrandysBabies]

Oh hun! I am sorry you are feeling so down. The holidays can really suck that way sometimes. Whenever you start feeling down just come play with us!

 

[StarlitHome]

Oh hun! I am sorry you are feeling so down. The holidays can really suck that way sometimes. Whenever you start feeling down just come play with us!

Thanks.
A really big part of it is that my family is back in Canada and I haven't seen them since a few days after Christmas 2009 when I moved to Hawaii to be with my husband. I'm real close with my parents and my siblings, and I miss them a lot. No one here really understands that - the longest my husband was away from Hawaii, ever, was a college semester. Same with his younger brother. And his little sister (she's 16), my sis-in-law, hasn't been away from her parents for more'n a week.

To top it all off, lil sis-in-law keeps talking about how much she misses my family and my hometown.
Now, I can appreciate that but... she spent all of 5 days with my family. They are my family.

And I'm really, really trying to get a hold of myself so that I'm not a miserable weepy mess for all of December. My one-year wedding anniversary is 2 days before Christmas Day, and this is our first Christmas together in our own place. And I love my husband, and I want to enjoy this with him.

But whenever sis-in-law brings up how much she misses my sisters or says something about doing different things with them, it breaks my heart.
And it makes me angry that she is so selfish not to think of how that might affect me.

Honestly? Next time I'm just going to start crying when she starts.

Thanks for listening, girls.

 

[EmmyReece]

ohhhhh hun I totally get how you're feeling

I had to spend 2 christmases in a row with my fella's family, not last year but the 2 years before. And I was so emotional, he had everyone round, his grandparents, his aunties, uncles and cousins, and I just felt completely out of sorts. And it turns out I wasn't part of the last christmas my mum and brothers had with my dad

And even the past 2 christmases even though we've spent the morning at my mum's, we still have to make sure that we can get across and see his parents.

Argh I didn't mean to go off on one then, but it completely struck home with me then, I just wanted to let you know that you weren't alone in feeling this way hun

 

[dinkykitten]

Hi girls,

I am feeling horrid today! It's a long explaination, but bear with me...

7 weeks ago I had an operation on my leg to lengthen my calf muscle. Was on crutches for about 4 weeks then limping a bit but now it's pretty much ok, just a bit weak. Anway, the day before yesterday I was babysitting for my sister so I caught a taxi to hers with my OH and as I jogged across the road I felt something 'pop' in my calf and agony shot through my leg. I hobbled to my sisters in tears and sat down. I now think I've torn my calf muscle, the same one I just had an operation on!

So not a great start but it got a lot worse. My sister doesn't go out that often which is why i was babysitting. She said she'd booked a taxi home for midnight and off she went. At about 23.50 she rang and asked if I minded if she got a taxi at one instead. I told her I didn't and just watched some tv waiting for her to come home. At 1.40 am I began wondering where she was, the journey should have taken 30 mins at the most. By 2 am I was really worried and so I rang her, there was no answer. I rang again 5 mins later and she answered her phone and was extremely drunk she told me she didn't know where she was I asked her what happened to the taxi and she said she'd gotten in, dropped her friend off at her house drove for a few mins then freaked out (because she was so drunk) and decided she needed to see her friend again because the taxi was making her feel dizy and confused. She got out, asked the taxi driver to show her the way and he said he couldn't get out of the car and drove off. She is awful at directions so she got lost, tried to ring me but ran out of credit so simply sat down and waited as she knew I'd ring eventually to find out where she was. She did try ringing the police as she was panicking and the woman on the phone told her she was stupid for getting that drunk, that she should be ashamed of herself, and then hung up on her!

I instantly panicked because it was -3 outside and she was very drunk and I didn't even know where she was!!

I rang our mam and she started freaking out. I tried ringing the local police and after being on hold for 10 mins I gave up. I eventually managed to get my sister to walk to the end of the road and tell me what street she was on. I then had to ring my mam again and get her to get my stepdad to look up the street on google maps to find out where she was. I then had to ring a taxi and get them to pick me up and take me to where she was. By this time it was 3am. When I found her she was huddled in a ball and shaking like mad.I bundled her in the taxi and took her home. Then had to strip her, put her pyjamas on, and put her to bed with a hot water bottle. Then me and my OH went to bed at 4am on her living room floor and got woken up at 6.30 by her 9 year old.

I slept horribly from being on a floor and from the pain in my leg.

When I got home I took a trammadol Which I was given after my op and it didn't do anything. I've now taken another trammadol and a mefanamic acid and it's still agony.

So yeah, not the best day in the world!

Hope you're all doing better than I am!!!

 

[MommyV]

You ladies are breaking my heart. Andella Starlit and Emmy hang in there. Christmas is supposed to be such a happy time but I find myself feeling depressed around Christmas time .

Starlit- r u going to be able to visit family around Christmas time this year? Could they pos visit u? I can only imagine how hard it is because all of our family lives near and we are all very close. Hugs and I hope that u have a wonderful and Blessed Christmas.

Andella- try to hang in there I was lookin at your tests in the pg test section and I thought I saw a shadow on that last one. I guess it will just be a waiting game now hopefully af won't show and you'll get a good line. If not just know there is lots of support here.

 

[EmmyReece]

I've had 2 days now of getting visible lines on my opks ... now I did originally think I was somewhere between 9 - 11 dpo, but I'm kinda scared that I was wrong on that part and I'm ovulating ...

You know when your heart tells you one thing, but your head tells you another thing? It's like, my heart is telling me to have a little faith, that I could have been lucky, but my head is telling me that I need to give it a few more days and see if the opks get any darker

I'm trying to think how on earth I'm going to sneak a frer past Chris while we're in London, I still need to wait for my opks to get darker first though

 

[Mustang_Love]

Why is it we always end up depressed at what is supposed to be the "happiest time" of the year?? I'm keeping everyone in my thoughts.

 

[EmmyReece]

I think it's more to do with the fact that it's all about family isn't it? and I guess it just reminds me of what I should have if that makes sense?

 

[LittleSpy]

to everyone who need one.

 

[andella95]

Oh dinky all of that is awful! I hope you've had some time to rest and start to feel better.

I'm sorry that I'm not the only one finding things hard right now....missing family and being emotional and everything plain just sucks.

AF arrived today...which is one day earlier than I expected. I'm thinking that I may have actually missed bding on the right day this month! I got to thinking about it, and I had a very negative OPK on a Wednesday and Thursday, but I forgot to take one friday, and then had a positive on Saturday. So I figured I would've o'd Sunday. But now that I think about it, I most likely would've gotten a positive on Friday, and I o'd saturday, and we didn't BD until saturday night and sunday morning, and I've heard that there is a really low chance of conceiving then.

I have been far more emotional than usual this cycle...a combination of work stress, hormones, Christmas, and winter. I cried for so long last night. Feeling like my life is over at 33 because there is no chance for me to have the family I need and want. Thank God I do have my little boy, but I have always wanted 3 or 4, and it's not going to happen, and I don't know how to deal with that. If it weren't for him, I don't know what my purpose would even be. Everything just seems so meaningless if when I grow old I don't have that family. Hard to explain.

Last cycle after AF I was going to really focus on losing weight - but then I got sick and felt like crap and that kinda went down the drain. I feel like I'm back on track. I've loosened up my rules a bit and I am trying to make it "funner." I just have to be careful because other wise I will start a starve/binge cycle. And that sucks.

I *might* still use OPKs, if for no other reason than to be able to determine if AF is late or if I ovulated late. So I guess I'll be NTNP, at least as much as possible for someone like me. No more testng until AF is late. Ever.

I need some hope around here!

 

[andella95]

...and I can't take a break from the site because I need the support!

Is there anyone who would like to be my friend on facebook? I play Farmville, lol. You'd even get to find out my real name! if so, just pm me.

 

[BrandysBabies]

Andie, so sorry AF got you, but it sounds like you have a good game plan set. And dont you dare leave us! Lol! I would love to be Facebook friends, but we have a "no facebook, myspace, etc." rule in our house. DH and I had issues with it a few years back and we decided that it was better this way. Blah, anyway, no sense in rehashing old wounds.

Luv you girls! Have an awesome day!!

 

[andella95]

Andie, so sorry AF got you, but it sounds like you have a good game plan set. And dont you dare leave us! Lol! I would love to be Facebook friends, but we have a "no facebook, myspace, etc." rule in our house. DH and I had issues with it a few years back and we decided that it was better this way. Blah, anyway, no sense in rehashing old wounds.

Luv you girls! Have an awesome day!!

Yeah, my DH has no clue how to use facebook. Or the computer, really. Lucky me!

 

[BrandysBabies]

Well, our issues were him "abusing" the use of those sites, and I figured if I was going to asking to stop using them, then I needed to do the same. I am so happy that is our past and not our present. We are in a much better place now and DH has done a lot of growing up since then.

 

[andella95]

Well, our issues were him "abusing" the use of those sites, and I figured if I was going to asking to stop using them, then I needed to do the same. I am so happy that is our past and not our present. We are in a much better place now and DH has done a lot of growing up since then.

This is slightly off topic, but before we got together, my DH was a very heavy drinker and has been with more girls than I even want to know. I, on the other hand, didn't drink at all and was actually "saving" myself. Complete opposites. I used to feel like every time we'd even go to the supermarket girls would be looking at him thinking, "Oh - that's that one night stand I had" or whatever. I was so super insecure! The first we after we got married, he even had a girl call him and beg him to go meet her at the bar to play pool. Of course, he told her no.

At first, he'd still go out every few weeks, but one night some girl brought him home and they gave each other a hug before he got out of her car. I lost it and told him no more going out. So, he doesn't drink anymore, lol.

He still didn't really understand why I felt insecure at times until my ex contacted me on facebook (and asked me to have sex with him because he was lonely and going through a divorce - idiot.) After that he realized he didn't want to do anything, however innocent, that might make me feel like he wasn't 100% with me. So, it's all good.

Although over thanksgiving we went out to eat and our waitress (150 miles away) used to bartend at one of his former drinking spots...and he doesn't think he did anything with her, but can't be totally sure.

 

[StarlitHome]

Starlit- r u going to be able to visit family around Christmas time this year? Could they pos visit u? I can only imagine how hard it is because all of our family lives near and we are all very close. Hugs and I hope that u have a wonderful and Blessed Christmas.

No, my family is in British Columbia, Canada - they are a one-income family with 8 kids at home. And dH and I live in Honolulu, Hawaii - 2000 miles away and we're also a one-income family.
Christmas last year was super-expensive for us and for my family, since I got married and my in-laws came up from Hawaii to stay for 5 days over the wedding and Christmas.
I will hopefully get to see them in the New Year, after dH and I have moved to a bigger place.
It's been over 11 months since I've seen my family.

I think it's more to do with the fact that it's all about family isn't it? and I guess it just reminds me of what I should have if that makes sense?

Exactly. Christmas with my family is full of all the traditions and things that I grew up with, it's what my subconcious expects.
Also, I miss them all.

However I am better today Having a relaxing Sunday with dH.