42 and thinking of trying again...

[mpg1502]

Hi girls,

I am nearly 42 and wondering about going for no.2.

We had our daughter a year ago (after many years of trying, including IVF which failed). I had a very troubled pregnancy going into pre-term labour at 23 weeks.

I know that it is perhaps highly unlikely that I will get pregnant again but am also sad to think that there might never be another one...

A couple of weeks ago we had a "pregnancy scare" when I was absolutely convinced I might be in the family way... had my poor husband waiting outside the chemist on a Sunday morning waiting for it to open. It was a false alarm but it got us thinking... what if?

After all we went through to get our daughter not only would it be a miracle to get pregnant but I am absolutely petrified of all the things that could go wrong.... I'm just not sure I could cope if the worst happened. Also, I will be forced to have a stitch early this time (had an emergency one with last pregnancy at 24 weeks) - how would I cope if I had to be on bed rest, with a toddler! So many things to think about.

Plus my age (although I like to think of myself as a "young" 41 !!) there's no getting round it, I am officially "GERIATRIC" yep... that's how I was known at the hospital when I was pregnant with my daughter. At 40 !!! I am so torn, I adore babies but do realise that our little munchkin will be heading into the "terrible 2's" and I will have my hands full with a toddler. Could I seriously cope with another one?

Lots of my friends have had 2, 3 or even 4 children all under 5, but they were all pregnant a lot earlier than me, in their late 20's early 30's. I even know some girls who have said to stick with one as they even found their second just a little too much pressure.

Oh it's such a dilemma. I simply adored being pregnant and having a baby. It really was the bestest thing in the whole world. I am sad to think that I might never do it again. And my daughter would never know what it would be like to have a brother or a sister.

HELP!?! any advice welcome....

Thanks
M x

 

[Halle71]

Hello

I am 40 and desperately want number 2 (Matilda is 2 and a half) but I have had to wait because I got made redundant and have onlt been in my new jb a few months. We are officially starting to tcc in January.

Even though I would do anything for another baby I am starting to have negative thoughts - even though I got pregnant at 37 with no problems had a really easy pregnancy I am aware that, three and a half years later, we are more likely to have problems. However, even though I say this and understand the risks, I kind of believe that I will get pregnant immediately like last time and I am worried how it will effect me when/if I don't.
I've also been thinking about the long term downside of being an older mum. I also see myself as a young 40 year old but I will still be 50 when she becomes a teenager, 60 when she leaves uni. This is really upsetting me at the moment. If she waits as long as I have, I will not meet my grandchildren

However, I think my conclusion is that I already have one child and I'm already an older mum so how much more difficult can two be. I don't want M to be an only child and guess this is even more important in the future.

I can see why you would be having second thoughts given your complications. Being objective, the first issue about whether or not you can ge pregnant seems to have a straightforward solution - try and see what happens. But, the same as my worry, if you start and it doesn't work, that can be soul destroying. But so could not giving it a go. I don't think there is a solution!! I so wish I had met my OH 10 years earlier.

Do you have support network who could help out if you are on bedrest or is your toddler in any sort of childcare? I think that of you get pregnant you will be able to find a way to deal with these practical problems.

Sorry for the hijack.

Let is know what you decide and good luck.

Hx

 

[readyformore]

If it's something that you really want, I wouldn't let fear stand in your way. If people knew of everything that could go wrong with pregnancy/delivery, most would prevent pregnancy. But, it doesn't mean that it's going to happen to you.

You mentioned preterm labor. That would be scary too. How far along were you when you actually delivered?

It might be hard to decide, but think about 5 years from now. Will you regret not trying to have another? Would you regret having 2 children? Pregnancy and babies are such a short period of time, think long term...kids, not just babies.
It's especially difficult, because you probably won't be able to change your mind and start ttc in 5 years. You probably should make the decision soon.

Good luck with the decision. Just coming to terms with your feelings can be so difficult.

 

[mpg1502]

Hello

I am 40 and desperately want number 2 (Matilda is 2 and a half) but I have had to wait because I got made redundant and have onlt been in my new jb a few months. We are officially starting to tcc in January.

Even though I would do anything for another baby I am starting to have negative thoughts - even though I got pregnant at 37 with no problems had a really easy pregnancy I am aware that, three and a half years later, we are more likely to have problems. However, even though I say this and understand the risks, I kind of believe that I will get pregnant immediately like last time and I am worried how it will effect me when/if I don't.
I've also been thinking about the long term downside of being an older mum. I also see myself as a young 40 year old but I will still be 50 when she becomes a teenager, 60 when she leaves uni. This is really upsetting me at the moment. If she waits as long as I have, I will not meet my grandchildren

However, I think my conclusion is that I already have one child and I'm already an older mum so how much more difficult can two be. I don't want M to be an only child and guess this is even more important in the future.

I can see why you would be having second thoughts given your complications. Being objective, the first issue about whether or not you can ge pregnant seems to have a straightforward solution - try and see what happens. But, the same as my worry, if you start and it doesn't work, that can be soul destroying. But so could not giving it a go. I don't think there is a solution!! I so wish I had met my OH 10 years earlier.

Do you have support network who could help out if you are on bedrest or is your toddler in any sort of childcare? I think that of you get pregnant you will be able to find a way to deal with these practical problems.

Sorry for the hijack.

Let is know what you decide and good luck.

Hx

Hi H,

Thank you for your reply. I too have been thinking about when our daughter becomes a Mummy. If she waits till 40 to have her first I'll be 80! Its terrible isn't it, there's nothing I regret more than not having her earlier so I can enjoy more years with her. However, although I met my husband when I was 29 we didn't try for a while and it was only when we did start we realised there things didn't seem to be happening as they should.

My mother was 30 when she had me, so 71 now. Although she is a sprightly septagenarian (hope that's spelt correctly!) she isn't up to any childcare. Sadly she also lives 500 miles away so can't be much help if I am on any bedrest. My parents-in-law also aren't up to childcare. So, our only option would be nursery or a nanny/au pair. But after having so long without a baby I am loathe to have her looked after by someone else. But I suppose in the long run, if we were blessed with another then it would be in a good cause.

Oh I wish I'd met my husband when I was 21 and had babies then so I could have so many extra years with them. Hindsight... a wonderful thing. All this I'll have my career stuff sounds good but actually is it really worth it? not for me...

Wishing you lots of luck on your next baby journey, I hope it happens for your and keeping all crossed.

M x

 

[mpg1502]

If it's something that you really want, I wouldn't let fear stand in your way. If people knew of everything that could go wrong with pregnancy/delivery, most would prevent pregnancy. But, it doesn't mean that it's going to happen to you.

You mentioned preterm labor. That would be scary too. How far along were you when you actually delivered?

It might be hard to decide, but think about 5 years from now. Will you regret not trying to have another? Would you regret having 2 children? Pregnancy and babies are such a short period of time, think long term...kids, not just babies.
It's especially difficult, because you probably won't be able to change your mind and start ttc in 5 years. You probably should make the decision soon.

Good luck with the decision. Just coming to terms with your feelings can be so difficult.

Hi readyformore (great name!),

Thank you for your reply. I think you're right, I think we would regret at least not trying. And because we had so many problems getting pregnant with our first, perhaps we should just leave it to fate and see what happens.

Luckily with my daughter we halted labour at 23 weeks, they stitched her in and we got all the way to 38 weeks which was amazing! However, I know now that my cervix may just not be up to it, so I could be on full bedrest, I won't know till we try.

I find it difficult not to think of the worst, I am such a great big girlies blouse when it comes to sad things and having come so close to losing our daughter it literally terrifies me. But you are of course right, I could get run over by a bus tomorrow for goodness sakes, you just don't know what fate has in store but you can't live your life expecting the worst.

I think we'll get Christmas out the way and then take a good long look and make a decision to at least see what happens. As I said, it took years for me to conceive the last time and was a complete surprise that it happened naturally as IVF etc had all not worked. So it might take another miracle....

Here's hoping...

M x

 

[Rubies5]

I am almost 40. My kids are ages 12, 11, 6, and 5. I think it would be totally fantastic to be the mom of a 10 year old when I'm 50. Infact, for me, it is much more appealing than being an 'empty nester' at 50, which could have happened if we stopped at 2. As they have grown, I have found life takes on a different energy: traveling, sports, hobbies... Pregnancy, babies, toddler is very, very fleeting. I wish I had more time to work with..we would love one or 2 more!

 

[SabrinaKat]

I am pregnant with my first at 44 (mc at 41, conceived this little one at 43), probably my one and only -- don't let age or regret stop you if want to try for another (or your first, if anyone else looking at the thread) -- I had been told for years that due to PCOS I wouldn't/couldn't get pregnant and a month before starting IVF, got pregnant naturally -- so why not let nature take its course and see what happens?

best wishes

 

[AnnaLaura]

I am almost 40. My kids are ages 12, 11, 6, and 5. I think it would be totally fantastic to be the mom of a 10 year old when I'm 50. Infact, for me, it is much more appealing than being an 'empty nester' at 50, which could have happened if we stopped at 2. As they have grown, I have found life takes on a different energy: traveling, sports, hobbies... Pregnancy, babies, toddler is very, very fleeting. I wish I had more time to work with..we would love one or 2 more!

I love your attitude--thank you.

 

[goddess25]

Its a hard decision for sure. I had my first baby at 34, my second baby at 36 almost 37 and will turn 38 in April and am thinking about #3.

There is no doubt that it is very very hard work, its demanding and challenging and to be honest an utter nightmare at times having them close together HOWEVER at the same time I would not change it. Its wonderful having more children and seeing them start to play together. For the most part my son is not that keen on my daughter yet but there are moments when he will give her a little kiss, and cuddle when he thinks we are not looking that just melt your heart.

Its not going to be easy but if it is something you want then I say go for it. Do not live your life with what ifs, fear and regret. All you can do is try.

Good Luck with your decision.