49 minutes a day?

[Nibblenic]

I was watching Jo Frosts new show last week. I was genuinely shocked by a statement that said we're only spending 49 minutes a day as a family.

Now I imediately thought well thats not me/us. So i went of to find that this is actually a reseach from about a year ago

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/7760585/Family-life-squeezed-into-49-minutes-a-day.html
https://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/8703010.stm

Now by this surverys deffintion 'family time' is pretty much as a whole family. Actually doing something together and focused on eachother. Then all of a sudden 49 minutes (during the week) became very real.

A break down of our evening.
5pm oh arrives home play with lo. I however cook so we're not 'together'
5:30pm we do sit down as a family and eat. 20 mintues 'family time'6pm. Lo goes in the bath OH watches/plays with her. I tidy up
6:30pm into Pjs and start of bedtime. I come up for 10 minutes help with teeth brshing and bring milk 10 minutes family time.

Thats it really, 30 minutes Mon-fri, I was pretty shocked.

Now on the weekends we are always at a park/museum/NTsite/swimming/ farm. So I would say here are at least 3-4 hours per day where it is just us being together doing something then plus our normal night time routine.

I would say obviously becase i am now a sahm I spend a lot more time with her than 49 minutes. Even between naps and cleaning etc. However only 6% felt they needed more time with mum.

I would say we go out a lot more than the average family. It does cost some money but because we have passes for most of these places its not like paying out every weekend just once a year and obviously parks/walks are free.

The survey also pointed out that children were wanting to spend time in the house doing things a a family. Now most of the time Lo is at home on a weekend she is asleep as she still has a 3 hour mid-day nap. But when we are not out and she is not asleep. Me and Oh tend to take it in turns to look after her, as one of us is normally cooking/cleaning/sorting something. Now im not sayng we dont spend time together but in the house but its minutes rather than hours of concentrated play. Not just happening to being within 5 metres of eachother

I dont think this makes anyone a better or worse parent I was simply suprised by how little time mon-fri we actually spent completly together focusing on Lo/eachother

I still think we spend 'enough' time as a family we deffinately have a good bond and get along and work together well. In an ideal world we would be rich and OH wouldnt have to work and we could be together everyday, but that is near enough no ones reality.

So my question; Can anyone really find more than 1 hour in a day to concentrate on being a family unit on work/school days?
Is it enough?
Are our lives just too busy to bring up children and give them what they want and also what they need?

 

[DanielleM]

I don't know I think Mon-Fri when OH works and sometimes doesn't get home until 6 or later, it is totally impractical to spend over an hour together as a family as the children go to bed, well Jacob at 6.30 and Evan at 7.30.

To me the children getting enough sleep is more important than keeping them up to spend some 'family time' together. Obviously at weekends when there is a lot more spare time to spend together I think it is important to spend together.

I also think it is very important to sit down to family meals together instead of eating on your knee with the tv on, I think this can be detrimental to a family when you could be talking to each other. Especially when the children grow up and become teenagers and it is not 'cool' to do things as a family, I think this will be when it becomes difficult to get any family time together.

 

[tallybee]

I agree it's quite scary looking at it broken down into those little chunks of time! During the week anyway. OH works long hours and has a bit of a commute so he leaves loooong before anyone else is up and is usually back around tea time ish.

At weekends we're the same as you nic, pretty much all the time is spent together as a family apart from if one of us has something on (I do Saturday mornings in the Barnardos shop but apart from that we are generally all togerther).

It would be nice if OH didn't have to spend so much time at work but I think if we, say, won the lotto or something, and neither of us needed to work, we'd still have to do something as otherwise we'd end up pissing each other off! I do think it's possible to have too much time together, everyone needs space too

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Mine are at school on weekdays so

7am- get up and we are all busy with bathroom etc but when we are dressed we eat brekkie together so 15mins.

8.10 am leave for school and the walk takes 35 mins and I treasure the fact we can walk to school and have that vital bonding time. I love it.

I work in school some days and see them but that does not count.

3.15 pick kids up and walk home so another 35mins.

3.50 we all sit at table and have snack and I have a cuppa they have milk so another 10mins

5pm OH comes home and I have dinner ready then so we can all sit at table together so another 30mins.

After that I have one-to-one time with each child, 30mins each and then after that is baths/bed etc.

 

[Lightworker]

I'm not generally a fan of Jo Frost, but I think with this one she may be spot on. I do realize that on the days when my DD1 goes to school all day, we spend little time. i started doing housework when she is asleep in the evenings, and so during the day, we now have much more time.
The TV also tends to be off for a huge chunk and this means we spend alot of time talking, reading, arts and crafts. When the weather is good, we also tend to spend time outdoors, in the park, swimming etc. I do generally think that as families, more effort needs to be made on spending time with children.
As time has gone by, there are all these fancy toys, which we sometimes buy to keep our children entertained, when really, we should be the ones spending the time with our children. This is not aimed at anyone in particular, more just an observation of families in modern society. Even when you go to playgroups, alot of the moms are in one corner chatting, whereas, playgroups are intended for moms and babies to play together, to discover and explore, not stand in the corner and watch their children or have a gossip.
So yeah, basically, I think we can do alot more in terms of relating to our children.

 

[polo_princess]

When you sit down and think about it, not a lot of families are family orientated due to lifestyle iykwim, parents often pass like ships in the night due to work commitments, some work long hours etc etc, some unavoidable, some through choice.

This is why sitting down together as a family for meals is something thats really important to me, even if its just for 30 minutes, its solid family time with no distraction.

I do think its important to make an effort to spend some time together.

 

[celi84]

Obviously I am yet to become a mum, but I can tell my experience as a child just to point out that those tendencies are anything but recent.

When I was growing up, both of my parents worked. We had breakfast all together but that was the only meal in common, and as I'm not a morning person, I was usually sleepy during that time. Mum came home at 6pm, dad at 7pm. Once at home, mum would help with homework (one child at a time) then dinner time, but it was in the kitchen with my 2 bros only, while mum was there cooking for my dad and herself. Once dad arrived, it was only a quick kiss to us and straight to watching the news. Bedtime would be about 8.30 pm for most of our childhood. I can remember my mum playing some children's card games and reading us a bedtime story every night, but my dad did none of that.
During week-ends, it was not much better because again children and adults ate separately as my dad didn't want to eat with us. Therefore time with the whole family was extremely limited, and even proper time between mum and children only was probably lower than 49 mins a day in average.

when my baby comes, I hope I can do (a lot) better than that, but one thing I definitely aim is meals together, not children first and adults later. I am confident that my OH will accept that and can also enjoy a bit of playing and reading bedtime stories on a regular basis.

 

[Nibblenic]

playgroups are intended for moms and babies to play together, to discover and explore, not stand in the corner and watch their children or have a gossip.
So yeah, basically, I think we can do alot more in terms of relating to our children.

Totally with you on that one LW. The cold hard fact of the matter is youve only got a couple of years before you going around with them is not only unecessary but embarassing! I look at people siting looking into thier phones when they have a under 3 year desperate for thier attention. Not that its wrong but I really think its the parents that are missing out. Softplays are FUN!

 

[Natsku]

That seems so different from my childhood but then my parents' work commitments weren't the norm (dad was a vicar and mum worked nights) so we spent a lot of time together as a family. We ate meals together, at least half an hour each meal, and when us kids were little we ate breakfast together too. We played card games and board games together regularly and went on day trips and walks. This is the kind of family life I hope to continue with Maria and any future children. Of course it will depend on what kind of work commitments we will have in the future but as of right now we are together all the time, all 3 of us so we have lots of family time together at home.

 

[indy and lara]

Andy leaves for work at just after 6am now so that he can be home as early in the evening as possible. He commutes for 3 hours a day. He is home about 5.30pm and we spent from then until Emma goes to bed about 8pm together as a family- playing, dinner, playing, bath. He works at home again after she goes to sleep and never takes a lunch hour. But not everyone has the opportunity to work that flexibly. At weekends we spend most of each day together doing stuff.

I am also a SAHM so I am with Emma all day. I agree about the toddler group thing. So many people just seem to ignore their kids there- I don't get it!

I think that PP hit the nail on the head though. In most families at least 1 person works and Mon- Fri working hours don't fit terribly well with young children and their bedtimes. As kids get older and stay up later it must be easier for people to have weekday family time.

 

[BlackBerry25]

My OH is home most days, as he works a job that has no schedule whatsoever, and often works nights just 2 or 3 times a week, and I am a SAHM. I think we spend a lot of time together, probably most of the day.

I realize that is impossible for most people!