4th pregnancy in 6 months...advice how to calm nerves?!

[LuBru]

Looking for advice from the such strong women here who have made it through multiple losses...

I'm at approximately 10DPO and this morning had an extremely faint positive on a Wondfo test. I got a blood test in the afternoon and the result was 18.

This is my 4th pregnancy in 6 months. One was an early miscarriage and the other two were chemicals. Seeing a faint "BFP" (I'm calling it a "big faint positive" because there's nothing fat about it yet!) is really scary. I'm not sure what else I was excepting by testing at 10DPO - I know it's so early, all tests are pretty much faint positives. But I did it, and now I feel like I opened Pandora's Box. All those anxious feelings from previous pregnancies are back. I'm kicking myself for testing so early.

Any advice? How do you stay sane when you have recurrent chemicals/early losses? My husband seems numb. I know he's trying not to get excited until it's more of a sure thing. I'm trying to do the same, but I'm also so scared that if this doesn't progress, it means something is seriously "wrong" with my body, even though no tests have found any issues.

I know I really just have to wait a few days and there's not much more to say...but if anyone has wise words of advice I am all ears. Thank you!

 

[dairymomma]

Being PARL is not fun and it's def not easy. I've been there SO many times and each time, I think 'I can do this and not let anxiety and fear get the better of me.' But each time, those feelings creep in and there's no stopping them. Know that you are not the only woman feeling scared and nervous and anxious about your pregnancy. It just goes with the territory of being PARL.

But to help you relax as best you can, my advice is this-find a support network. Mine consists of ladies in my life as well as on here who I can talk to about my fears and anxiety who truly understand that I need to talk about it or it just gets worse in my head. I also have an incredibly supportive doctor who lets me come in weekly for a quick peek at baby if I want reassurance, a therapist who will talk to me day or night on the phone to help me cope with the crippling anxiety I feel during pg, and a compassionate naturopath who will literally make me a ten minute appt in an already overbooked schedule if I call in panicking about something. Having all of these people around me who are willing to go above and beyond to help me STAY pregnant is incredible. Find your 'squad' and don't be afraid to let your fear out. I find if I keep it locked in, it just mushrooms and gets unbearable.

I also journal, do adult coloring books, take walks, meditate, and just try to get about my daily life as best I can. Alot of time, I actually try to forget I'm pg because knowing I am is so stressful. Find something that keeps you busy and lets you just sink into it. Stock up on good books from your library or grab a few cool looking magazines next time you are at the store. If you do handwork, get a book of patterns to try or a pretty skein of yarn and make something new. Keeping your mind busy helps and I know how hard it can be to do that but even if you try, it can do wonders.

And remember to breathe. Stress is unavoidable but you can minimize it. Hang in there and FX this is your lucky sticky bean.

 

[DeuceMom]

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[LuBru]

Thank you so much dairymomma and DeuceMom for your advice and support. I really appreciate it. You are both right that distractions are important. I have been anxiously searching internet forums for everything I can think of - "what should FRER look like at 12DPO?" - then "what should FRER look like at 13DPO?" - so silly! I know that it is not healthy but it is hard to focus on anything else. I will try to take your advice. I listened to a guided meditation (for the first time) last night as my mind was racing and it helped me fall asleep.

It helps to know other women feel this way because sometimes other people really don't get it. I *know* I should just relax but it is really scary to think about losing a fourth pregnancy in such a short amount of time and what that would mean about our future prospects of having a child.

Thanks again

 

[DeuceMom]

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[KatBar]

Hi LuBru,

I don't know that I have any great advice, but wanted to say I'm right here with you! I had an early miscarriage in December, and chemical in January, and now almost 6 weeks into another pregnancy, my anxiety is getting hard to handle. Even with 3 blood tests that have all looked fine, I still find this anxiety lingering around me all day.
I try to distract myself as much as I can, and take deep breaths when I'm feeling it all whelm up again, but it's not a fun place to be in.

 

[ohmygoodness]

How are you doing now? Has it gotten easier? I'm about 4.5 weeks along after 3 losses in a row (6.5wks, 14wks, cp), and completely relate.

 

[LuBru]

Thanks for checking in! I'm around 14 weeks today and emotionally things had been getting better - partially because I've had (and still have) really bad morning sickness which somehow reassured me - until last Friday when I went to my regular midwife appointment. She tried to use the doppler for the first time and after a long search could
not locate the heartbeat. My husband and I had been waiting to hear the heartbeat to confirm everything before announcing and I guess I was really expecting to hear it. Now I'm anxious all over again. I'm going back in this Friday so the midwife can try again and I can only hope she hears it then - otherwise I guess I will probably get an ultrasound. People tell me not to worry but as you know losses definitely happen and I am afraid of a MMC.

I wish you luck and strength on your journey. The only thing that has helped me is remembering that there is literally nothing I can do but eating as best as I can (despite the morning sickness!) and being as healthy as possible and resting. It's not in my hands. It doesn't really stop me from worrying but it at least reminds me that I am not in control and if something happens again it is not my fault.

I definitely feel that my experience of pregnancy is different from most of my friends (and mom) because they experience a lot of joy and excitement. I feel like I am just holding my breath.

 

[DeuceMom]

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