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[Aidan's Mummy]

I don't think we can say most of the burden will end up on family members. Isn't that a generalisation? I'm sure girls that do fall pregnant at 13 may leave their baby with parents all the time etc. But there will be some that do face up to their responsibilities; also not all pregnancies are planned. If a girl does fall pregnant accidently at 13 then I would see her standing up to her responsibilities a good thing, yes she is young but you can still be a good mother to that baby. I think a baby with a 13 year old mother would be much better staying with that mother instead of being shoved into the care system which is already failing children.

Is it right to have sex at 13? No. Should a girl of 13 become pregnant? Again no but who are we to judge them? Stereotyping them and saying they can't be a good mum before they have even tried isn't going to help either. How would any of you feel if you were told because you couldn't finically support yourself i.e. living on benefits and because you needed support that you would be a bad mum? Some older women have babies that are on benefits which means they are not finically stable, some women also have a lot of support. It doesn't make them any less of a mother at all. Maternal instinct is a powerful thing I have worked with girls that have fallen pregnant at 13 and a lot of them are outstanding mothers with maturity way beyond their years. Being a good mother has nothing to do with age it's about that child be loved and looked after. Just because they need financial help and support does not make them bad parents.
x

 

[lynnikins]

i dont think 13yr olds should be mums, end of , yes there are some girls who at that age can make a good go of it but the road is very hard and full of potential problems for them. I was a very capable 13 yr old I could do everything my mother did for my sister (born when i was 13 ) but in no way was i emotionally ready for motherhood.
in the UK a 13 yr old requires alot of support to have a child right now to not even being able to legally regisiter the child's birth without their own parents there, not being supposed to go to MW and doctors appointments alone, not having the legal right to consent to their own c-section or medical intervention!. there are HUGE problems they face.
Yes with support its possible but hardly practical

I was 22 when i had ds1 and glad i waited that long tbh after loosing pregnancys through MC when i was 21 then yeah it was hard and my mother wasnt able to be there to support me.

on the sex education, what happend to relationship education? my parents taught me the "sex ed" stuff and taught me the emotional side of things with relationships how to deal with conflict and the practical side of raising a family while i was a teenager so when i did get married and have kids I was better able to cope with the whole deal of raising kids.

after spending several years working with 12-13yr olds then very few are emotionally mature enough to be having sex let alone having babies and the few ive seen fall pregnant have had a very hard time doing alot of "growing up" in their pregnancies and having a newborn and 4/5 of them have had issues with the fact they had to grow up too soon. Its not the case for all and yes there can be some women at 20/30/40 who arent ready to have children but at 20/30+ you have access to things you didnt as a 13 yr old.

and whoever asked no a 13 yr old cant recieve child benifit their legal guardian has to recieve it on their behalf.

 

[Nibblenic]

I don't think we can say most of the burden will end up on family members. Isn't that a generalisation? I'm sure girls that do fall pregnant at 13 may leave their baby with parents all the time etc. But there will be some that do face up to their responsibilities; x

But at 13 they can not go to medical appointments with the child alone as they cannot give consent. FOr that matter they cannot give consent for thier own health. Not able to register the birth open them a bank account even open thier own.
They are still leally rquired to stay in FT education up till 16, soon to be 18. Who is going to take care of the baby/child then? They wont be able to finacially support them going to nursery.

Thats before they even have a social life.

Yes I do not agree that the babys will be better off in care. HOwever I dont think a 13 year old can provide for the child and themelves.

 

[nomadlife]

I think it would very much depend on the specific 13 year olds maturity level.

My personal view is that with good family support, I don't see why a mature 13yo couldn't be a decent mother. Of course there are legal stuff they couldn't do for the child as has been mentioned, but I think they could provide in the other areas. But it hugely depends on the 13 year old in question.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

I don't think we can say most of the burden will end up on family members. Isn't that a generalisation? I'm sure girls that do fall pregnant at 13 may leave their baby with parents all the time etc. But there will be some that do face up to their responsibilities; x

But at 13 they can not go to medical appointments with the child alone as they cannot give consent. FOr that matter they cannot give consent for thier own health. Not able to register the birth open them a bank account even open thier own.
They are still leally rquired to stay in FT education up till 16, soon to be 18. Who is going to take care of the baby/child then? They wont be able to finacially support them going to nursery.

Thats before they even have a social life.

Yes I do not agree that the babys will be better off in care. HOwever I dont think a 13 year old can provide for the child and themelves.

If a child is classed as mentally comptant according to the frasier guidelines that can give consent. I have asked 13 year old's for consent and sometimes their wishes have been put before their parents as they have been deemed mentally competant. As I said it depends on the maturity level of the girl, there are schools with attached childcare facilities. No different to a baby being cared for in a private nursery. Again laods of people can't finically support their child going to nursery, I couldn't for one. But I was giving a grant called care to learn, does that make me any less of a mother? Also they can have a soical life yes it may be nost as much as a 'normal' 13 year old but every now and then they gan go out. They can also make friends with babies and they can have days out with their babies.

i dont think 13yr olds should be mums, end of

I am in NO WAY saying a 13 year old should fall pregnant on purpose because it is hard and they will have a lot of responsibility. Some may not cope, they may do a terrible job. But others will do and have done an amazing job. And all 13 year old's with babies shouldn't be deemed bad mothers because I am sorry from my experiance with working with these girls it just isn't the case. x

 

[Eternal]

I havent read the whole thing, but on the simplest level of "can a 13 year old be a good mum?" then id say, yes its possible. Although i would advice any against it.

To be honest in my naive views I find it shocking to even beleive 13 year olds have sex, of course i know it goes on, but 13? that is still a baby, and how can they have the maturity and understanding to raise a child? But then I know some 30 year olds i wonder the same about.

Its def far from ideal and i would be really upset if it were a child of mine (thankfully all mine are boys lol). my sister had a child at 16, she raised him, 16 is a lot older in many ways too. did she do a good job? he spent a lot of his teenage years in care and went on to have a child at 15 who is in full term care.

I dont think its right, i think children should be children and to me a 13 year old is still very much a child.

 

[hopeandpray]

I would say that the vast majority of 13 year olds couldn't but I'm sure that there are a few great 13 year old mums out there.
Most don't have the finances, emotional stability, life experience. I could not have been the mum that I want to be at 13 or 14.
I think that having an older parent myself that I loved the benefits that that brought that is something I would like my children to have but it is not something necessary to be a good mother.
I also believe that to be a mother at 13 even if you are a fab mum with a lucky child, that you will miss out yourself. Yes you can still have people babysit and whatever but I think that once you become a mum your priorities change forever and I don't think that you could really go back to a normal childhood/teenage life.

 

[kaiser246]

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[Aidan's Mummy]

My question would be to the PARENTS of the pregnant 13yr old? Why weren't you keeping an eye on your daughter or son to begin with at that age! And yes, my opinion, 13-15 is still children! I have an 18 and 15 yr old and they are not able to go to sleep overs, hang out with boys unless they come to my house and sit in front of me! They have to pass my OH and my inspection before they can even come in! Yes, we are strict as parents but I believe in protecting my CHILDREN because that is what they are. They are very good girls because of that. No cussing, swearing or disrespect to us. No sneaking out! If my daughters did end of pregnant, I would support them but as a parent, I would not even allow them to get to that point because we have rules as parents. It is funny though because my hubby looks like an Italian mobster and they have boys come over and they take one look at my husband and I never see them again! One boy was so scared that he only came to the door just to say hello. He wouldn't even step his feet inside. My girls asked him why he wouldn't come in and he said that their dad scared them! We believe in protecting our children!

I don't think the parents are always to blame I had a very strict upbringing, I wasn't allowed boys in my room and I wasn't even allowed to sleep out that often. If I was they had to talk to my friends parents and arrange it themselves. Yet I still fell pregnant aged 16, I think if a teenager is going to have sex then they will find away no matter how closely you watch them. They will find an opportunity somehow it just isn't possible to watch them 24/7. x

 

[kaiser246]

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[Aidan's Mummy]

You see in the UK 16 is the age we go to college Just to add though hun if they did fall pregnant it doesn't mean they couldn't achieve those goals, I still went to University . Although I was a lot harder and I wouldn't advise girls to become pregnant. x

 

[EternalRose]

Havent read the whole thread, but will do so once baby is in bed.. I would say a 13 year old could not be a good mum, even with the best intentions I just dont think it could be possible. If support and guidance is whats required for the 13 year old to be a good mother than she is not ready. As an adult parent, I am still required to be a good parent, with or without support. So, if a 13 year old would need support to be a good parent...then what would she be like without it. IMO to be a parent, you need to of had sufficient life experience; understand the trials and tribulations of life, be disappointed, want something so badly, be let down, be self disciplined, develop self awareness, work towards something. I could go on... I doubt a 13 year old would have experienced half of the things that have made me what I am today, and subsequently make up part of the inner philosophy that I live by daily when parenting.