8 year old peeing pants, and masturbating a lot

[emicakess]

Well this is the first time I have posted here, because my daughter is just almost 2 haha! But i am here asking a question about my nephew.

He is 8, he will be 9 in October. I am asking here because its been impossible for me or SIL to find articles that fit really what nephew has going on here. I think SIL is going to take him to a counsellor soon, because she is running out of ideas.

So first off, nephew pees his pants multiple times a day. He seems to hold it until he cant anymore, run to the bathroom and have an accident. SIL, me, my OH, SILs OH, we all have had numerous talks with him about realizing right when he needs to go pee and going to the bathroom right then so he doesnt have an accident. He has accidents at school and seems emotionally unaffected. Apparently he had an accident at the park a few weeks back and another kid called him out, he did cry about it and then stopped having accidents for about 3 weeks, and now is doing it again.

And second issue is masturbation. I get that it is normal and so does SIL. What we are concerned with is the many many many talks SIL, and SIL OHs have had with him about doing that in a private area.. not in the living room, not infront of his brothers, not infront of family, especially not in public. They have told him he can do at in his room or the bathroom. She said at first she started out explaining it to him gently, but now she gets mad at him because he just doesnt listen! He just does it whenever wherever. School is out now, and I had him (as well as his brothers ) at my house. While the little ones napped, i put a movie on for the 2 older ones to keep them calm and quiet. He was seriously masturbating almost the whole time.. i told him three times to please go in the bathroom to do that! I asked him to go wash his hands, he came back out and started up again.
I read up on articles and all they say is to explain to him to do that in private. Well he isn't listening, he doesn't care! He doesn't care that he pees his pants either. I have no idea if the issues are related or what.

Does anyone have any advice? We are at a loss about what to do or tell him anymore.

 

[suzib76]

Peeing himself - has he seen a doctor to rule out medical reasons?

 

[Nibblenic]

Has he been checked to make sure there is no medical reason for him doing this?

It could be a 'boy thing' but in reality it could be to do with physical or sensory issues too. Does he have other sensory issues or is it all surrounding his genitalia

 

[jd83]

Is there any possibility that someone he knows may be abusing him? Both of those things can be related to physical abuse, or sexual abuse. Personal experience within my own family. I'd probably suggest the counselor, sooner, rather than later. Something is off, for him to be peeing his pants that often at that age. Masturbating THAT much, all the time, in public, is also pretty out there. Most kids who discover that area, tend to keep it private once you explain to them its a private thing.

 

[emicakess]

Interesting, thank you ladies. I wish I knew more but i dont i know my nephews lives have been chaotic. They've moved a lot. My SIL is getting them a doctor again today i think, so think she will get him into counseling soon. He doesnt express much emotion, so she bought him a journal idk if he uses it though, probably not. I know she needs to get him into see someone soon because it just doesnt seem normal, and you ladies just confirmed that for.me thank you.
I hope he isn't being abused...! He goes to his dads on the weekends and i dont know what goes on over there. His brother goes too, and his brother does not have the same issues.

 

[lau86]

I don't know but I would be seeking professional help if it was my son

 

[jd83]

Interesting, thank you ladies. I wish I knew more but i dont i know my nephews lives have been chaotic. They've moved a lot. My SIL is getting them a doctor again today i think, so think she will get him into counseling soon. He doesnt express much emotion, so she bought him a journal idk if he uses it though, probably not. I know she needs to get him into see someone soon because it just doesnt seem normal, and you ladies just confirmed that for.me thank you.
I hope he isn't being abused...! He goes to his dads on the weekends and i dont know what goes on over there. His brother goes too, and his brother does not have the same issues.

If there is any abuse happening, it doesn't always occur with all the kids. My brother was physically abused by his father, and he used to have major issue with peeing his pants when the abuse was happening. His father never abused my sister or me. My sister and I were both sexually abused by a teenaged neighbor, and had many problems stemming from that when we were younger kids that my mom couldn't figure out, either, until she finally found out what was happening. The neighbor never touched my brother. So its not always all the kids that it happens to. Anyways, I could be off base with this too. It's just the very first thought that popped in my head reading what you had posted, because it sounded so much like what we went through as kids. In which case, its certainly something that should minimum be looked into, and I would think a counselor would be the best bet. No matter if its a correct or incorrect theory, it really does sound like "something" is off, for him to be behaving like that so often. Getting him help for whatever it is can only be a good thing.

 

[tommyg]

I would agree abuse doesn't always happen to all children. Very often it is the oldest who is abused, and they let it happen with the hope their abuser will leave younger siblings alone.

I would possibly take him aside and ask if anyone else is touching those areas. School must also be wondering if there is abuse or why is he not caring.

 

[emicakess]

I dont think he masturbates at school, at least not that i know of, i would hope they would tell his mom!! But he does pee his pants at school. He is the middle child.
I'm not sure how i would go about asking him if anyone is touching him, being his aunt. I will get an update from SIL. Last i heard, on Tuesday, she got the kids a doctor again. They havent had a doctor in atleast a few months but possibly a year or more. The child in question also has asthma, pretty mild i think, but he does need an inhaler sometimes. She ordered one without him having a doctor somehow but it took like a month for her to get it and then his grandma "lost" it, i never actually saw it. I dont want to sound like a bitch, her life is very hectic and chaotic but she makes it that way. She is very nice and sweet person, she iust puts everything off and overwhelms herself.
All i know is if it were my kid these issues would be taken care of... its frustrating because i am just an aunt, there isnt much i can do. And i am kind of an emotionally awkward person, so is he (my nephew) so we arent much connected on a heart to heart level..

 

[tommyg]

It's hard, I'm thinking you are in the US, loosing the inhaler sounds very chaotic.
Something just doesn't sound right. Could you invite him to your house for a sleepover and use the time to check all is ok?
Has his mum spoken to school as they must wonder what is going on to.
Something must be really troubling this kid, it really isn't normal for an 8 yo not to care about peeing their pants or doing private things in public.