Acceptance

[readyformore]

The concept is not easy for me.
How do you accept something you don't want? How do you get your mindset/attitude to work with it?

I am finally listening to my body. I truly don't feel that I'm going to get pregnant without help (please no false optimism-I sincerely hate that).
My cycles are regular, but holy crap, you should see my chart this month. Even with ewcm and ov pain, it looks anovulatory. I've wasted a year trying to be patient like everyone suggests. All I've done is waste time and gotten myself into a state of obsession and emotional turmoil.

I so desperately want to enlarge my family. I have to accept that it might not happen. My insurance will cover some for infertility, so it looks like I might get a round of IVF!! While I'm excited about that, I have to realize that it doesn't always work, and not on the first try.

I'm not ready to be done! Why doesn't my body understand that?! Why is it arguing with me?! Why can't I just accept it and move on?!

 

[dachsundmom]

I don't think it is human nature to give up on something one wants so desperately.

I can't tell you how to accept it, because I can't do it either. I am trying one more month; just bought a fancy new monitor and am talking to my doctor on Tuesday about trying a different drug route, but I know I am probably facing IUI/IVF.

I didn't want to do it because I have my DD starting college in four years and every dime I spend on fertility treatments is money she won't have for college.

I am so sorry that you are struggling right now.

 

[readyformore]

At least I know I'm not alone.

 

[Redclaire]

i will not give up!
it's a nightmare, sooo disappointing to know that my body doesn't seem to be working after all the yrs worrying i'd get caught accidentally!!
i know 36 is still young but if it hasn't happened now, with a year of very actively ttc and 2 iui with injectable meds.... on to ivf...financial nightmare but i have have have to do it and try everything!
Don't waste more time...move on to active ttc, doctors and meds and i know its all crap and not what you want but at least you can know in your heart you tried EVERYTHING!
that's my plan!!

 

[dachsundmom]

At least I know I'm not alone.

Nope, not alone at all. I am prepared, though not emotionally, to do IUI/IVF, but I fear that I will not know when to stop. I also worry that I am sacrificing the future of the child I have now for one that isn't even here yet, or may never be here.

Does that make any sense?

 

[readyformore]

i will not give up!
it's a nightmare, sooo disappointing to know that my body doesn't seem to be working after all the yrs worrying i'd get caught accidentally!!
i know 36 is still young but if it hasn't happened now, with a year of very actively ttc and 2 iui with injectable meds.... on to ivf...financial nightmare but i have have have to do it and try everything!
Don't waste more time...move on to active ttc, doctors and meds and i know its all crap and not what you want but at least you can know in your heart you tried EVERYTHING!
that's my plan!!

I think you're right and you have motivated me very much.

I kept thinking it would happen for me if I just waited. Nope!

I have to try because I don't know how to stop. . . and I don't want too either.

Just looking at my chart has left me really defeated.

My body is broken.

 

[NorthStar]

If it's something you really want and it's not going to potentially kill you then don't beat yourself up for trying more, and trying a different route (medical intervention in whatever form).

Sorry you feel crappy though.

 

[readyformore]

At least I know I'm not alone.

Nope, not alone at all. I am prepared, though not emotionally, to do IUI/IVF, but I fear that I will not know when to stop. I also worry that I am sacrificing the future of the child I have now for one that isn't even here yet, or may never be here.

Does that make any sense?

Yes, it makes sense to me.

It's a lot of money. You can't exactly save up for 4 years to do IVF, it might be too late. It's not like we're in our early twenties and have that luxury of time.

If IVF fails, then you have 4 years to save up for college. There's always student loans too. I don't particularly like the idea of saddling my children with a crazy student loan, but if it happens, they are young and will have years to pay it off.

Knowing when to stop? Well, I'm ttc #4, I don't even understand the concept, lol!!!

 

[dachsundmom]

My DH said the same thing! If she needs to get a part time job in college, so what?

 

[NorthStar]

Well giving your child a sibling to complete your family is a kind of future investment, right?

I figure that has got to be worth something, you can't put a monetary value on that.

It means a lot to my OH that we have a family, and it's early days for us on this TTC journey, but I think I'd rather look back and know I've tried my best...

 

[Redclaire]

it is alot of money...a huge investment but i was reading a site today
one ivf cycle costs same as
one exotic holiday or
45 meals out or
one second car, or
one yr in uni or
quarter of a wedding!! or....
do the maths that add up to acceptable!!

 

[dachsundmom]

it is alot of money...a huge investment but i was reading a site today
one ivf cycle costs same as
one exotic holiday or
45 meals out or
one second car, or
one yr in uni or
quarter of a wedding!! or....
do the maths that add up to acceptable!!

I was good until I read one year in uni, lol. I think uni is less expensive in Europe than it is here, as the uni my DD is talking about is $32,000.00 a year on out of state rates, lol.

 

[crystal443]

Awww..we're looking at IVF in Sept probably we were told back in Nov that we have unexplained but we have made two other gorgeous kids We have a DD in Year 9 and a DS in Year 7 so our treatments will dip into their College funds as well. Both kids are in gifted classes and are very bright however help from us or not for uni they will both need to get part time jobs when old enough they need to understand the concept of work and how expensive education is. I don't know that I've accepted I'm unexplained tbh We're giving it our best go the next few months and fingers crossed something works

 

[Indigo77]

Honestly, kids seem so entitled these days...They seem WAAAY too dependent on their parents. I started working when I was 14 and I paid for my education and everything else myself...I think it's good for them to work...They learn that money does not grow on trees, they learn how to manage money, they figure out early how much money they need to have the life they want, and they end up making better choices on what they do study and where they study....

 

[dachsundmom]

Honestly, kids seem so entitled these days...They seem WAAAY too dependent on their parents. I started working when I was 14 and I paid for my education and everything else myself...I think it's good for them to work...They learn that money does not grow on trees, they learn how to manage money, they figure out early how much money they need to have the life they want, and they end up making better choices on what they do study and where they study....

I think you are absolutely right and in my case, I know I am wrong to feel like I should pay for her entire education.

My parents paid for my degree right out of high school and when I went back three years ago for a different degree, DH and I paid for that one. He is getting his MBA right now on the GI Bill and I would like to pursue my PhD next spring.

My main concern is how busy DD is with after school activities and the amount of homework she is given every night; so I tell myself to let her concentrate on her grades and we will worry about the rest. My father suggested we pay for part of it and let her take loans/job on the rest and if she does well, and we choose to, to pay off the loans as her graduation gift.

It might be our happy medium.

 

[readyformore]

That's actually a great idea!

 

[dachsundmom]

That's actually a great idea!

This is one of those subjects where I see both sides of the argument, but I don't have the answer for it. If she earns her way into the college of her choice, then I feel that it is our responsibility to pay for it. But, if she knows that she holds the key to her debt load when she is finished, she might be more inclined to do well.

 

[Indigo77]

It's an excellent idea! Perfect, really....You are on to something here...

 

[crystal443]

I'm hoping DD will do well with scholarships, she'll also be able to live at home while she goes to uni to help out, she wants to go to med school which is great however we cannot pay for her full education so she's going to have to work for slot of it.It'll make her appreciate her education I hope and work hard in life. Everyone thinks the tough stuff with kids is when their little but the toughest things come a bit later

 

[Indigo77]

That's exactly what my grandmother used to say...It's when they get bigger that your worries will get bigger....