access advice in first 6 weeks?

[Linzi765]

My ex and I are to attend mediation together 6 weeks after our baby is born (EDD 21st march). Mediation suggested we meet now to arrange access but I am just finding it too stressful and when I attended the initial meeting I barely slept at all that night and dont fancy that happening again whilst im pregnant.

I have told mediation to tell me ex partner I will be in touch when the baby is born for him to see her before we attend mediation. I literally have no idea how I am going to feel after the birth and first few weeks as this is my first baby.

What do people think is reasonable? I dont want to seem like I was unreasonable or awkward during the first 6 weeks as I know we are going to end up in court sooner or later as he wants unsupervised access to baby under 3 months (i PLAN to breastfeed so dont see how he can take her so young?) and overnights at 6 months, which I dont think I will be comfortable with.

I guess it may just be a case of seeing how Im coping and how much time I can handle my ex in my home. We havnt spoke for weeks, so I know I will find it difficult.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

x

 

[Dream.dream]

With my first his dad got 2 hours on Wednesdays and 6 hours on Saturdays

Honestly though in the newborn stage they will get bored really quick baby doesn't do anything so they will just be sitting there holding baby so probably an hour or 2 a few times a week is better

It bugged me for the first bit him being there but it ment I could get some stuff done while he held him

 

[babybaillie]

if you dont want him to have access alone then i would defo breastfeed and stick with that as long as you can. id offer a couple of hours in your home to start with. baby cant go away while breastfeeding and i would stick with that until your happy with unsupervised contact

 

[teal]

Is there a reason why you're not comfortable with unsupervised access?

I don't think it's unreasonable to wait until baby is here. Since you won't know ahead of time how feeding will be going, or how you'll feel after the birth. I breastfed my son and he fed very frequently. Don't let anyone pressure about expressing either because that's not as easy or quick for everyone xx

 

[Linzi765]

there isnt a reason I dont want him unsupervised with her, but I just dotn see why he would need to be in the first few weeks if I am breastfeeding.

I just dont see how he could take her away from me incase she wakes up and wants a feed? If he is over at my house which i will suggest, then maybe I would go in the shower or do some washing and he could have a little time with her then alone....but I just mean like large amounts of time away from me?

Well, he has said that i am being "twisted and manipulating" by mediation in 6 weeks. guess he is worried he wont get what he wants the first 6 weeks.
I am just worried about the baby blues and fluctuating hormones etc....as we dont have any kind of relationship at the moment at all. He left and has partied for 2 months...I know its about the baby but I think its SO difficult to have someone around you and baby when he hasnr even asked how we are in the last 9 weeks ya know? But yet he expects when shes out of me to be round everyday, personally i dont think i would cope very well with seeing him everyday.

I guess I wont know how i will feel until after baby and how many times a week i will want him around. I have to think about my emotional wellbeing during this time also and not just his??

 

[teal]

You're definitely not being twisted and manipulating. I don't think 6 weeks is a big ask. You're right, your hormones will be all over the place. You really don't need any extra stress if you can avoid it. Your emotional well being comes first, it's a massive adjustment and you're the one who's physically going through the birth.

I think allowing him to come over initially is very reasonable. You're right that if you're breastfeeding then I don't see how LO could be away from you for too long. You'll be breastfeeding on demand so LO will be deciding when to feed. xx

 

[xxsteffyxx]

My ex demanded overnights from 4 weeks onwards, he got a few overnights and when I refused it he then took me to mediation thinking he would get more... He got 12 hours a week in 3 4hr stints. It was hard, but it didn't last...

He bows see's him 2hrs on a Saturday. And he has just turned 2 years old xx

 

[Patrizia]

Hi. Not so sure I have any advice.... As I'm heading into a similar situation...... So, I'm following this thread. Mediation in six weeks, baby due in nine weeks.....

 

[Miss406]

Snap!
Hey I used to PM you didn't I?

I'm in exactly the same position (just posted a topic in this section myself, lol).

I think the first contact should only be 30 minutes up to 1 hour. Just so that IF there is an atmosphere you are not in THAT atmosphere for too long!

Best of luck hun! Xx