Adopting

[Kitty23]

Anyone else considering adopting?

Me and the Dh have been thinking about adopting for about a year now, and we don't see it as giving up ttc iykwim. I know in the grand scheme of things 18 months ttc isnt a life time, but thats just it I don't want /can' t wait a life time for a child.

Personally me and the Dh don't want to try any invasive fertility treatments so that counts alot of things out.

So I've been looking into adoption a bit more, and it looks like the chances of adopting a baby are out of the window. So we've been talking about adopting either a toddler or two young children.

I've grown up around adopted people my two aunts are adopted and its no different from being a bioloigical child to me.

We've set up a kind of plan ( plans help me lol) we will ttc for another year and then in Jan if I'm not pegnant then we will try to adopt, if that doesnt work out we keep trying another 3 years and then give up, and grieve. I need to have some sort of order to things, some goal. I cant imagine trying for 10-15 years and nothing.

Is anyone else really considering adoption? Anyone else who doesnt want invasive fertility treatments? Hope I'm not the only one lol xxx

 

[vineyard]

I have considered adopting. Our plan is to do in vitro once and use all the frozen eggs in frozen embryo transfers and if we're not pregnant by then, then we will adopt.

These are hard decisions to make and I commend you for setting a plan and being open to adoption!

 

[Stardancer]

We're considering adoption at the moment. The main thing that 'puts me off' is the age of the child and the background they will have had. Our local council said we'd be lucky to have a child under 3, and they will have been taken into care. Adoption isn't what it used to be, kids come with issues nowadays - they've seen things kids shouldn't see and are often abused/neglected. I feel like loving the child as your own would be the easy part - dealing with the issues the child comes with is something you have to be prepared for, and I'm not 100% sure we are. At the moment, we're thinking of going to an information session and seeing what happens.

Friends of ours adopted a little boy around 3 years ago - he was only 11 months, so they were very lucky, but he was born addicted to heroin and cocaine and they're seeing the health effects now - he has problems with his sight, his hearing and learning difficulties - and he was taken into care at 2 days old... many older children have lived in horrific conditions and the transition to a loving home is very traumatic. It's a big thing huh? But I admire anyone who is up for it.

 

[Mrs R]

Hi ladies,

Sorry to butt in but just wondering if any of u have considered international adoption?

Obviously this is a tricky process but something that I've always thought about.

Obviously there are children in our own countries who need loving homes, but in my view, children in care in more developed countries like the UK are well looked after, clothed, fed, have money etc (I work in a kiddies home) compared to children in countries such as China where they have next to nothing.

Just something I've always thought about .....................

 

[Stardancer]

I have looked into it a little, and found the average time for the process is around 2-3 years, plus the extra costs in travelling to the country involved etc. You still need to go through the same process in this country, and then go through the other country's process too. I would think it's very rewarding, but I don't think I could do it.

 

[Mrs R]

Yeah done some research myself on what foreign adoption entails and my job means I'm familiar with the process with social services assessments.

Apparently you would have to cover the legal costs in the other country too which hikes the price up. I was given a rough figure of about £10,000 (by a colleage in adoption services) to cover all costs involved (give or take a few pounds lol) but at the end of the day, this would be similar to a few goes at private IVF anyway.

 

[JASMAK]

I have an appointment with the adoption agency on Jan. 21st. I am really excited to get my many questions answered about adoption. I will not consider international.

 

[vineyard]

In the US we can expect adoption to run around $20,000 so I figure I can do in vitro and a couple frozen embryo transfers for the price. With my age (27), I figure I have a great chance of in vitro working so I have to try it.

 

[FJL]

At this stage of our journey, adoption is not for us, for 2 reasons.

1. While I completely support anyone going through the adoption process, we want to have our own biological child. Just like we wouldn't want to use donor eggs or sperm.

2. I think out of all the options (IVF etc) adoption would be the hardest. It is extremely life invasive and like treatment, it has no guarantees. The pre-requests are bullshit! In Australia, adoption 'in country' will take approx 12 years. Adopting ANYWHERE internationally is approx 7 years...Australia is probably the worst country to be in when wanting to adopt because many orphanages/agencies won't deal with us.

I just couldn't imagine going through years of IVF, then adoption and in the end leaving empty handed.

For us, if IVF doesn't work, we will be childless.

 

[FJL]

Forgot to add that many people in Australia take the route of permanent care...it is very similar to the adoption process and you can be placed with a child under 2 years with a 95% chance that the child will never be re homed with the birth parent/s. This process time is cut down to around 2-3 years with option to adopt later down the road.

Unfortunately in Australia, you have to pretty much kill your child to never have a chance of getting it back...the government is big on the aim of the childing ending back up with the birth parents at some stage in its life.

If we were to do anything, I reckon it would be foster care...but still then, the thought of helping, loving and nurturing a child and then saying goodbye would be so heartbreaking.

 

[CareBear]

Anyone else considering adopting?

Me and the Dh have been thinking about adopting for about a year now, and we don't see it as giving up ttc iykwim. I know in the grand scheme of things 18 months ttc isnt a life time, but thats just it I don't want /can' t wait a life time for a child.

Personally me and the Dh don't want to try any invasive fertility treatments so that counts alot of things out.

So I've been looking into adoption a bit more, and it looks like the chances of adopting a baby are out of the window. So we've been talking about adopting either a toddler or two young children.

I've grown up around adopted people my two aunts are adopted and its no different from being a bioloigical child to me.

We've set up a kind of plan ( plans help me lol) we will ttc for another year and then in Jan if I'm not pegnant then we will try to adopt, if that doesnt work out we keep trying another 3 years and then give up, and grieve. I need to have some sort of order to things, some goal. I cant imagine trying for 10-15 years and nothing.

Is anyone else really considering adoption? Anyone else who doesnt want invasive fertility treatments? Hope I'm not the only one lol xxx

Hi! You're not the only one who doesn't want invesive fertility treatments, I don't and I won't do IVF. My next step ( I believe) is IUI which I am very unsure about and haven't made my mind up yet! I always thought I would adopt however since working as an adoption panel clerk and seeing the assessment process applicants have to go through has made me realise that I could not go through this. Also as Stardancer said the children that are available for adoption come from very troubled backgrounds and have a lot of issues, even if you are lucky enough to get a very young child they have to come to terms at a later date as to why they were taken into care and they could have a lot of issues at a later stage even if they seem ok at first. I commend anyone who adopts nowadays as it certaintly is not as "easy" as it used to be. It is very rare to find a child now that has been given up for adoption by its parents because they know its the right this for the child. Also you have to have had stopped trying to conceive for at least 6 months I believe before you can start the assessment process for adoption and you have to use contraception just in case - this is especially the case if you have unexplained infertility.

I know what you mean about not being able to keep trying for the next 10 - 15 years, I don't think I can do this either and I suspect if I am not pregnant in the next few years I will accept a life without children.

Good luck!