advice needed

Discussion in 'Adoption, Fostering & Surrogacy' started by fordy, Apr 28, 2010.

  1. fordy

    fordy mummy of 5

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    first of all i'd like to thank bnb for this area as it may help me in my current situation....
    secondly i dont know if this is for people who are adopting etc or for the mothers who are pregnant and adopting out etc so follows my story....

    i gave birth to a gorjuss wee boy 8 weeks ago i also have three other children whom are not my current partners children but they recongnise him as dad, my little sister whom is 26 yrs old cannot have babies due to her epslipy (spell?) so me and my partner had a big long talk (took like 3 months lol) and decided when jack was born we would try for a baby for my little sister using my eggs and his sperm however i had planned to wait at least a yr before trying as i wanted my body to recover.

    two days ago i was feeling sick the normal pregnancy signs and took two tests both came back positive we were using condoms but unfortunley one broke....now i am pregnant my sister is over the moon which i am really grateful for bringing such light to her life but the problem is how can i give up a wee baby??? i look at my other children and i think i couldnt live without them. I had planned on getting counselling etc before falling pregnant and now that i am pregnant its hard on me i dont wanna say i wanna keep this baby and make her miserable but i dont think i could keep the baby anyway with being so close to jack in age.

    i dont believe in abortion either and i know i should have been a bit more safer in that respect but things like this happen in every day life not just to one person.

    so the advice i am seeking is how can i give up a beautiful little baby???:cry:
     
  2. pink_bow

    pink_bow Mummy

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    aww hun this must be incredibly hard for you :hugs:
    Could you not start councelling now? I do think you should speak to your sister though and tell her your fears, you need to be honest with her.

    Good luck in whatever you do xxxx
     
  3. Cariad_bach

    Cariad_bach mum to 2 boys and 2 girls

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    Aww hun thats a really difficult situation,

    I plan to become a surrogate but im hoping to be a gestational surrogate (not using my egg)
    I know being a Traditional Surrogate is easier physically but harder emotionally IMO :(

    I agree with Pink_bow in that counseling now would be a good idea and total honesty from day 1 with your sister would be best,
    Im sorry i cant help more hun xxxx
     
  4. CareBear

    CareBear Is considering whats next

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    I also agree start counselling now and maybe contact social services or an adoption agency as they may be able to give you some advice. Good luck x
     
  5. pinkmummy

    pinkmummy Guest

    What a wonderful thing for you to do for your sister :hugs:

    I agree with everyone else, the sooner you start counselling and 'detatch' yourself from the baby the easier it will be, good luck and I look forward to following your journey xx
     
  6. nicholatmn

    nicholatmn Guest

    Counseling and any type of support you can find! Trust me, giving up a baby is difficult! If you truly know you want to give up this baby, please start getting emotional help right away. Hormones makes this even worse.
    If you need any help, please feel free to PM me! xx
     
  7. fordy

    fordy mummy of 5

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    thanks ladies i am seeing my doctor on monday so will work something out with him also it could be my hormones at the moment i cant be anymore than 4 weeks pregnant lol but thanks once again i'll be using this area for the following months to come and i hope on making a journal too :D
     
  8. Charlotteee

    Charlotteee Married Mum/Stepmum of 4

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    :hugs:

    Im confused though atm. Are you carrying her child at the minute? Or your own?

    xx
     
  9. buttonnose82

    buttonnose82 Wife & Mummy

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    :hugs:

    Charlotteee, for what i understand she is pregnant with a baby that is her egg and hubbys sperm but the baby is for her sister :)
     
  10. BabyHaines

    BabyHaines Mummy to baby George!!

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    I know you must be feeling incredibly torn, but whatever you decide, good luck xxxx
     
  11. fordy

    fordy mummy of 5

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    i'm carrying a baby made with my egg and my hubbys sperm lol
     
  12. Karb

    Karb Well-Known Member

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    I think if you are already having doubts make sure you get some expert counseling and let your sister know how you feel- it will only get harder- it really is an amazing gift- I wouldn't have the strength
     
  13. Elli21

    Elli21 Well-Known Member

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    :hugs::hugs: i didnt want to read and run, but all the advice given is advice i would have given myself.
    So whatever you decide, good luck xxx
     
  14. MoonMuffin

    MoonMuffin Mom of 2!

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    I am planning on surrogating for my SIL in a few years (though I believe we are using her egg if possible and donor/future boyfriend sperm), and if I'm allowed another c-section after that I'd like to do it again for someone else. And I was also adopted :D
    The child itself will be very accepting and understanding as long as your are honest with them from the beginning. The hard part is dealing with your emotions and attachment. You were already planning on creating a child for her, sure its earlier then expected but just get yourself in therapy asap and try your best to do this for your sister. Warn her now that it wont be easy and you may not be ready and that if this doesn't work out you maybe you should try the route of donor egg and sperm when surrogating for her.
     
  15. anna2009

    anna2009 New Member

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    PLEASE THINK HUN, I HAVE HAD 2 KIDS WHICH WENT FOR ADOPTION AND IT WAS THE WORSE DISSCON, IT WASNT MY CHICE WITH EITHER THEM BUT THEN I GAVE UP AND AL;LOWERD THEM TO BE PUT IN GREAT HOME, i found out at 7 months gone with my scond child and had to endure a long and dangers labour which nearly took my life and babys, then had to leave baby with ssd as i was homeless and i had her took away from hospital when she deemd fit to leave hospital at 8 days old, and i brest fed her for the 8 days so it was even harder, they alloward conrtacr rill she was adopted, i say try it for the 6 weeks colling period which u can see if it wporks for you, try haveing second hand thigs and brestfeeding, i have allways sy , loveing home and have things is they need isa better then money, we have 1 yr old , had 4 misscarriges and hopeing to have more now were ready, u can do this is u like, think befor running, as its easyer to have abortion then to give a child away
     
  16. anna2009

    anna2009 New Member

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    PLEASE THINK HUN, I HAVE HAD 2 KIDS WHICH WENT FOR ADOPTION AND IT WAS THE WORSE DISSCON, IT WASNT MY CHICE WITH EITHER THEM BUT THEN I GAVE UP AND AL;LOWERD THEM TO BE PUT IN GREAT HOME, i found out at 7 months gone with my scond child and had to endure a long and dangers labour which nearly took my life and babys, then had to leave baby with ssd as i was homeless and i had her took away from hospital when she deemd fit to leave hospital at 8 days old, and i brest fed her for the 8 days so it was even harder, they alloward conrtacr rill she was adopted, i say try it for the 6 weeks colling period which u can see if it wporks for you, try haveing second hand thigs and brestfeeding, i have allways sy , loveing home and have things is they need isa better then money, we have 1 yr old , had 4 misscarriges and hopeing to have more now were ready, u can do this is u like, think befor running, as its easyer to have abortion then to give a child away
     
  17. Dinoslass

    Dinoslass Well-Known Member

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    I think counseling should help. It must be hard, I can imagine it would be for any surrogate mother. I think you should start by thinking it is your sister's baby, hopefully that can give you some distance.
    What did the doctor say? Does your sister already know that you are pregnant?
    I wish you good luck. Think it is remarkable and honorable that you are doing this for your sister.
     
  18. twinmummy5

    twinmummy5 Well-Known Member

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    hi fordy....ok your plans where to have a baby for sister. Amazing gift for her to live her dream for real. Its alot earlier than you had imagined and now ur here with a positive pregnancy test. Your sister already knows, (but does she think this will become her baby) if so she has imagined allsorts of wonderful things that will happen in the next 9 months. This is a very delicate situation and will need family therapy which may include ur sister, being honest right from the start will help.

    depending on your final decision.....u need to detatch yourself from the pregnancy, as this will make it easier. Also a possible c-section, under sedation may also help with the detatchment. Remember you will always see this child and always be part of its life, just happens that your sister will be its full time mummy. Think of it like this you will have all the fun bits of seeing the baby, playing,cuddling,feeding......but will have sleep!!

    Do not feel that giving this baby to your sister is the only option because you had promised. You could possibly have this baby and then try again for your sister when you feel the time is more better, and had months of therapy.

    i wish you and your family all the best for the future and hope things go to plan xxxxxxxxxxxx big hugzzzzzz
     
  19. fordy

    fordy mummy of 5

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    thanks everyone for there opinions, i have now been into counselling for the last 5 weeks at least and its going brilliant, i have spoke to my sister about my feelings and she understands it and is aware of it and had got worried before i told her, but totally understands everything and she has helped me alot more than i could imagine.

    now anna2009 i understand what ur saying, but i am a fit and able woman i have had no serious trouble with labours (exccept for jack being back to back) i am sorry but i was offended by what u said, a child never asks to be brought into the world and to me its a miracle, i can carry and give birth to a child when theres loads of women out there that cant, and i am helping one of these women but making her and her partner lives complete, abortion would never be an option, everychild that comes out my body would be loved if not by us by there parents.
     
  20. Croc-O-Dile

    Croc-O-Dile Well-Known Member

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    TBH, I don't think Anna2009 fully understood your situation. Although I do understand why you'd be offended by it regardless.

    Glad to hear you were upfront with your sister and have started counseling! Are you feeling a bit more confident about having your sister's baby now? Or are you rethinking that still?
    Either way, good luck! And not to sound like a creeper, but I often check to see if you've updated anything on the situation. I find your selflessness very inspiring. :hugs:
    xxx
     

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