Advice on talking with husband?

[rustyswife828]

Hi girls!

Well yesterday was interesting..

I began talking to my OH about how I started charting..

He told me that he doesn't want to talk about this stuff cause it stresses him out..

So when he's stressed out he can't

So guess I'm turning to y'all!

Well we only maybe once or twice a week and that's all!

I'm worried that not enough isn't gonna get us pregnant!

Any advice on this? I would love to have more with him but don't wanna bring up getting pregnant to him cause it stresses him out..

Any advice ladies??

 

[VictoriaIris]

I don't want to sound negative, but if getting pregnant stresses him out, then does he really want it? I only say this because I was in exactly the same situation at you. My OH agreed to start a family with me, but he felt "under pressure" to perform, and it was stressing him out, and we have sex even less than you two do!
I said to him "We have to aim to have sex a certain time of the month cuz we don't have sex very often as it is and we'l never get pregnant. And if you really wanted to have a baby with me, we WOULD be having sex, and you wouldn't be stressing out because its what you want. How can you want something but freak out about it and not go about getting it".

In the end, after a long chat, we have agreed that he will take it a little more seriously, try to BD with me when we should, and I will be less serious about it. He wants us to be a bit more in love about it, and little less "RIGHT im ovulating lets have sex now". I think if I was charting he wouldn't want to know about it because its all a bit clinical (is that the right word?) and not enough "let it happen when it happens". If you know what I mean. I hope I have helped not hindered. Good luck. x

 

[MrsMcCurdy]

Talk to us all you want, dear! That's what we are here for! As for your DH I'd say try to just drop little stuff here and there without pressuring him. If that doesn't work than try to be patient, he'll probably come around soon.
GL! Lots of Baby Dust!!

 

[Gingerspice]

the month i fell pregnant with DD1 we DTD once that month. (Hubs was away business the rest of the time )

Also, OH said to me he wasn't interesting in knowing the details of the bodily going on. He definitely doesn't want me telling him 'I'm ovulating now, so we must dtd tonight'. I'm not charting anyway so I don't know for sure whats going on but using general mid cycle fo ovulation I have an assumption when it might be. I therefore do take the lead at that time to encourage the dtd but we've upped our attempts last few months.I think OH is hoping it might take awhile longer tbh as he comments we've probably had more DTD in past 6 months than the previous 4 years! IF possible, know something that he can't resist. If I wander down in nice lingerie then he'll soon be getting the idea if he wasn't otherwise up for it, so find something you OH finds equally unable to turn down and use that to your advanatge at the points in your cycle you think may be best.

 

[rustyswife828]

I don't want to sound negative, but if getting pregnant stresses him out, then does he really want it? I only say this because I was in exactly the same situation at you. My OH agreed to start a family with me, but he felt "under pressure" to perform, and it was stressing him out, and we have sex even less than you two do!
I said to him "We have to aim to have sex a certain time of the month cuz we don't have sex very often as it is and we'l never get pregnant. And if you really wanted to have a baby with me, we WOULD be having sex, and you wouldn't be stressing out because its what you want. How can you want something but freak out about it and not go about getting it".

In the end, after a long chat, we have agreed that he will take it a little more seriously, try to BD with me when we should, and I will be less serious about it. He wants us to be a bit more in love about it, and little less "RIGHT im ovulating lets have sex now". I think if I was charting he wouldn't want to know about it because its all a bit clinical (is that the right word?) and not enough "let it happen when it happens". If you know what I mean. I hope I have helped not hindered. Good luck. x

Yeah I get what you are trying to say... He wants to start a family so bad..But he just hates to perform on demand and wants to still be enjoyable rather than a "job" to get pregnant.

Guess I have to keep TTC below the surface until I reach near my big "O" day..Then I can start seducing him..

But we're seeing my new OB/GYN in a few weeks and whenever we do see him I will tell the doctor how much we have every month and maybe the doctor will tell "him" that we need to have more to see if we can get pregnant or not...

I don't want to put more pressure on him cause we need to have more... My best friend got pregnant because her and her OH had sex like 5 or 6 times a week!

 

[rustyswife828]

Talk to us all you want, dear! That's what we are here for! As for your DH I'd say try to just drop little stuff here and there without pressuring him. If that doesn't work than try to be patient, he'll probably come around soon.
GL! Lots of Baby Dust!!

Thank you!! I love it here!!

Yeah that's the last thing I want to do is put more pressure on him and less baby dancing...

 

[rustyswife828]

the month i fell pregnant with DD1 we DTD once that month. (Hubs was away business the rest of the time )

Also, OH said to me he wasn't interesting in knowing the details of the bodily going on. He definitely doesn't want me telling him 'I'm ovulating now, so we must dtd tonight'. I'm not charting anyway so I don't know for sure whats going on but using general mid cycle fo ovulation I have an assumption when it might be. I therefore do take the lead at that time to encourage the dtd but we've upped our attempts last few months.I think OH is hoping it might take awhile longer tbh as he comments we've probably had more DTD in past 6 months than the previous 4 years! IF possible, know something that he can't resist. If I wander down in nice lingerie then he'll soon be getting the idea if he wasn't otherwise up for it, so find something you OH finds equally unable to turn down and use that to your advanatge at the points in your cycle you think may be best.

Oh wow...Only one time? You're giving me hope!

I haven't pinpointed when my big "O" day is so that's why I started charting to see even if do ovulate and watching for other signs...My best friend told me when you feel you have to pounce on him everytime you see him then you're ovulating.....

Yeah guess when I think I'm about to ovulate and he doesn't seem "interested"... Guess I can spice things up..

 

[CathiiNoo]

I had the same problem with my oh. For the first 3 months of us ttc it was like a schedule, and to be honest I didn't enjoy the sex really then. I honestly thought he just didn't want to sleep with me until I spoke to him. He told me he doesn't like the whole (ass pp said) "I'm ovulating, we have to have sex tonight". So we mutually agreed that we will just bd for fun when we feel like it. Although when I'm ovulating I don't tell him, I just seduce him and make it fun lol then we're both happy and I'm covered. He also isn't very interested in my charting, but every pregnancy test I take he wants to see. I just secretly do it cause I don't like getting his hopes down.. Men aren't the same as women. They don't really worry about the charting etc even if they badly want a child. Men get to have the sex and get a child, women go through the hard parts. That's just life.

 

[CastawayBride]

I use the Clear blue Fertility Monitor. It determines high/peak days. As long as you have sex in the highs and peaks you are good to go. It will allow you to feel like you are no so pressured to do it more. I also got pregnant last time just dtd during the highs as hubby couldn't on my peaks. I was pregnant the first month using it, hoping for same luck next cycle if we are not pregnant this month with NTNP. Learning my cycle again as I was pregnant

Good luck!!!

 

[Celesse]

Maybe not tell him when you are ovulating and use extra "decoy" sex the rest of the month so you are just generally doing it more, fertile or not.

 

[Kyliem87]

We already have a daughter but OH and I only see each other on a wed, sat and sun (he only stays over once a week) we've made a promise though - he will come down and BD (and obv spend some time with us) on days I ovulate as long as I make him feel wanted and none baby maker the remainder of the month! I've need using OPKs because it took me 3 months to get a cycle after removing the implant. This month I've used them again but also paid attention to CM and O symptoms so I don't have to test. That way I can know in secret and I 'invite' him down for other reasons meaning we still get to BD but he doesn't feel pressured to 'perform'

Good luck!

 

[rustyswife828]

I had the same problem with my oh. For the first 3 months of us ttc it was like a schedule, and to be honest I didn't enjoy the sex really then. I honestly thought he just didn't want to sleep with me until I spoke to him. He told me he doesn't like the whole (ass pp said) "I'm ovulating, we have to have sex tonight". So we mutually agreed that we will just bd for fun when we feel like it. Although when I'm ovulating I don't tell him, I just seduce him and make it fun lol then we're both happy and I'm covered. He also isn't very interested in my charting, but every pregnancy test I take he wants to see. I just secretly do it cause I don't like getting his hopes down.. Men aren't the same as women. They don't really worry about the charting etc even if they badly want a child. Men get to have the sex and get a child, women go through the hard parts. That's just life.

Exactly!! That's what my OH was saying! He doesn't want to be on a schedule..He just wants it to happen and have fun!

I think that's a HUGE turn off for a man when you say "I'm ovulating"

My husband told me when I told him that one time and he thought while we were was I hope my sperm catches that egg and it puts pressure on him which stresses him out and his libido goes low...

So yes..I'm just gonna put some lingerie on and show some clevage and just walk around almost naked...

 

[rustyswife828]

I use the Clear blue Fertility Monitor. It determines high/peak days. As long as you have sex in the highs and peaks you are good to go. It will allow you to feel like you are no so pressured to do it more. I also got pregnant last time just dtd during the highs as hubby couldn't on my peaks. I was pregnant the first month using it, hoping for same luck next cycle if we are not pregnant this month with NTNP. Learning my cycle again as I was pregnant

Good luck!!!

Now that's something that could be interesting! Are they pretty expensive and how do you use them?

Sorry for all the questions..but that maybe something I really could use to see if I'm even fertile instead of just charting and checking my cervical mucus..

 

[rustyswife828]

Maybe not tell him when you are ovulating and use extra "decoy" sex the rest of the month so you are just generally doing it more, fertile or not.

Exactly!! Just gonna play it cool and sexy...

Just gonna ambush him when I'm ovulating

 

[AidensMama]

My hubs is the same way. He wants to add #2 baby but really dislikes discussing dates and planning and everything. He says he likes things to happen "organically". Which is funny because he is absolutely not a 'granola' type guy or anything.

We have always had crazily mismatched libido's, with me being rather ravenous and him being pretty laid back about it. He'd rather veg out on the sofa with a snack most of the time.

He also works 12 hour swing shifts. He works 7am to 7pm nightshift for two weeks, and then day shift for two weeks, and the days rotate. With that and having a 3 year old who cosleeps many nights (FINALLY he is getting into his own bed regularly now) it's been a bit of a struggle getting in enough BDing to make me feel confident.

We have talked about it a bit and he's worked on making the effort a few times a week rather than just one or two, especially around O time, but pairing that with irregular/long cycles it's been frustrating to say the least.

I think all the advice/ideas in this thread are good. Charting and OPK or fertility predictor kits so you can time optimally, and simply pouncing on him without all the clinical planning being obvious to him, and even trying to add in extra BDing during non fertile times to change up the routine are all positive things you can do to increase your chances.

I know it can be difficult not discussing with your partner as much as you'd like, so that's why this is a great place to come and spill your guts. Your not alone and most of us can't help but run at the mouth.

Lots of baby dust and hoping you catch a sticky bean soon!

 

[CastawayBride]

I use the Clear blue Fertility Monitor. It determines high/peak days. As long as you have sex in the highs and peaks you are good to go. It will allow you to feel like you are no so pressured to do it more. I also got pregnant last time just dtd during the highs as hubby couldn't on my peaks. I was pregnant the first month using it, hoping for same luck next cycle if we are not pregnant this month with NTNP. Learning my cycle again as I was pregnant

Good luck!!!

Now that's something that could be interesting! Are they pretty expensive and how do you use them?

Sorry for all the questions..but that maybe something I really could use to see if I'm even fertile instead of just charting and checking my cervical mucus..

Yeah the whole reason I liked the monitor was b/c it allowed me to not have to temp, check CM, etc. I also new when I was in the TWW very easily....hubby likes it b/c there is no stress. When we are in the low zone we can have fun, not to be TMI but if I want to give him oral fun I don't have to worry about saliva affecting the spermies. When we are BD we make sure we are doing everything possible to help them along!

It is a bit pricey but you can find them used on ebay I believe. Mine was 149, box of sticks was 40. I got pregnant on the first shot so I had sticks left over...lol I am using them now though and hoping to not need a second box