Advice please?

[cinnabonjovi]

So, I found out that I was pregnant two days before Christmas and my so & I are thrilled about it. I was beginning to think that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant without help. So we pretty much told his family the day after we found out...
My problem is my parents..
I know, I'm 24 and shouldn't be afraid of my parents. I don't live with them, and I haven't for a long time...
but... my mom is super religious and my dad is racist. (As in "waved a 9 mil around the one time he met my boyfriend" and "didn't speak more than three words to me on christmas" and "vote for trump and his wall" racist)
And my mom is super religious as in "thinks I'm a 24 year old virgin despite me having lived with a man and dated someone 12 years my senior" and "judged my cousin very harshly for having a baby out of wedlock" and "always guilt trips me for not staying home and going to church and having views different from hers" and "catholics are bad" -religious.

So here I am, expecting a baby with my catholic, hispanic boyfriend, unmarried and REALLY not wanting to tell my parents ever, but I know I can't avoid it. So has anyone else been in a similar situation or does anyone have any advice of when or how I should tell them?

 

[minties]

My home life is completly different so I have no advice - your dad sounds insane! He actually waved a gun around when you introduced your boyfriend? I'd be worried he'd shoot him if he found out you were expecting.

I've been with my partner for 15 years and we aren't married, no one in my family or his are religious, so we don't care about being married. But is there any chance you and your partner could or want to get married?

 

[cinnabonjovi]

Yeah, my dad is actually that crazy. We're a mixed up little family.

We've talked about getting married sometime next year, but the company we work for is shutting down in September and we'll have a lot on us with baby on the way and impending job loss. So, I don't think it'll happen for a while.

 

[minties]

Not even a quickie at a registry place? We considered that, just so we all share a last name, it was just under $200 here in New Zealand. My partner is leaving his job to go and study so I know what it's like to fret about money, neither of us will be working and with a baby on the way...terrifying.

I'm too scared to tell anyone, let alone my family, not for the same reasons but I dunno, I just can't do it. I'm worried they'll all be disappointed or think we are crazy.

If any of my parents were like yours, I might be likely to cut ties with them, but you're used to them and love them so I know you wouldn't want to do that. To me it's an extreme reaction, I've never even seen a gun in my life, let alone seen someone wave one around because I had a hispanic boyfriend.

 

[cinnabonjovi]

I've considered cutting ties, but even though my mom is a bit extremely religious I still love her. My dad, not so much. If it wasn't for my mom, I'd probably go the way of my half sister and not speak to him.

 

[BrittRashel]

I have a very different situation but I did have the problem that my parents did not agree with my life choices. They wanted me to go to college, become a lawyer and marry a doctor. I got married to a guy in the army at 18 and found out I was pregnant shortly after that. They didn't talk to me for quite a few months after I got married. I finally just got to the point that I stopped caring. I told them that I loved them but that this is my life and this is what I wanted for my life. They could either accept that or we could continue to not have a relationship. Eventually they came around. That marriage ended in divorce and that baby is now almost 7 but I have no regrets and finally standing up to my parents in a respectful manner gave us a healthy adult relationship. Now we can talk about most anything.

I would just get it over with honestly. It is much easier than trying to keep it a secret.

 

[Holliems]

I thought my dad would freak about me marrying a Hispanic guy. Surprisingly he didn't. It if he had, who cares. I'm grown. It sucks though when your parents judge and don't support you. Don't feel guilty though. It's their problem not yours. Be happy.

 

[MrsLux]

Never loose sight of the fact it's THEM with the problem, not you. They sound very ignorant to modern day life. I wish you well on your pregnancy.

 

[Amygdala]

First off: Congratulations!
Secondly: I wouldn't tell them just yet. The first trimester is usually difficult anyway, with morning sickness and worrying that everything is ok with baby. So I wouldn't add the potential stress of your parents reacting badly. Plenty of people wait until 12 weeks, when the risk of a miscarriage is much, much smaller, so why shouldn't you. That way, you won't have to deal with them until you feel better and if there is any stress, it won't affect you and baby so much. Also, I obviously hope that everything goes well for you, but there is always a risk that the pregnancy isn't viable. If something went wrong, you probably wouldn't want to have to deal with your parents' reaction to that? And once you're in second trimester and maybe have a scan picture to show them, it'll be more tangible and maybe they'll react better than they would now to the idea of you being pregnant.

Whatever you decide, I wish you a smooth and easy journey. Sounds like you've got an awful lot to deal with with your family.

 

[MissGossip]

Aww Hun this sounds awful, I can't imagine having that fear or telling parents. In a way I do kind of understand as my family are Christians and I was living with my partner and we were also trying for a baby, I put my need and want for a baby before my families views. Anyway...it didn't happen and we ended up getting engaged and married within a year, we started trying again and 8 months later here I am pregnant my parents are thrilled now we are married, I know this doesn't help you in any way but it just goes to show things always happen for a reason and maybe there is a reason you have got pregnant now, who knows it may actually bring you closer to your parents or it could be the push you need to make a life for yourself, it must be so hard for you and my heart goes out to you. What's important is you taking care of your baby, why not wait until you know everything is okay at 12 weeks to tell your pre te, that way you will be in a clearer frame of mind. Xxx

 

[MissGossip]

Ps. Other than my pre us we have told a soul so it would be completely normal for you to wait until the first trimester is over xx

 

[cinnabonjovi]

I grew a pair and told my mom, and she actually took it very well.

Now to decide whether to tell my dad. lol

 

[MissGossip]

Aww that's amazing news!! Must be a huge weight off your shoulders. Now enjoy the pregnancy!! Xx