Advice, please?

[psychicXXspie]

Hello, I'm Michaela. I'm 13 years old, eight months pregnant. It's a boy! I'm naming him Caden. :]

Caden's dad is... not a very nice person. He's 17 and got a 13-year-old pregnant, if that gives you a clue. He's really into drugs/alchohol, and he's been in juvie a lot.

Anyways, I haven't told him about Caden, and I'm not sure if I should. He'll probably find out anyway because we live right by each other. But I honestly don't want him to be a part of Caden's life. I don't need his help, I have my parents, but I'm worried. I don't want Caden to grow up and hate me because I didn't tell his dad about him. So what do you think I should do?

 

[leedsforever]

Hun I think he has the right to know but I can totally understand where your coming from not wanting your baby brought up around someone like that!!

It is a difficult one but I think you should tell him and see if it might change him! It might make him into a better person!! I know growing up I didnt really see much of my dad and I dont really know whether that was my mums fault or my dads!! But if my mum had stopped me or infact denied the fact that he was my dad!! I know i wouldnt have been amused... no matter what my dad was like!!!

hope you come to a decision x

 

[dizzy65]

do what ever u feel is right and i am sure your baby boy when he gets older will understand y u did this and respect your decision...

 

[Mummy2B1806]

can completely understand why u do not want him in ur baby's life, but I think he deserves to know he is going to be someones dad. Obviously the desicion is urs to make and u know this person better than any of us. But I think u should tell him hun.

 

[TashaAndBump]

Oh that's a reall difficult one, hun... First of all

I'm not sure how good my advice on this will be as it's quite a personal-to-me topic, but I'm sure other people will be able to give you fantastic guidance. However what I would say is, you will know what is best for your baby - follow your heart.

Sometimes as a mummy and the grown up, we need to make decisions that our child might not understand, but that we know are best for them... The question is, do you think that it will be best for your baby not to know his father?

I'm not saying that this will definately happen - there are many fathers out there who don't give a damn - but fatherhood can often change men for the better, and make them want to be a better person.

It might be worth talking with your parents about this, and asking them to help you with getting some legal advice about visitation rights - You could put it to your ex, that he can have access but it must be supervised?

I understand you want to protect your baby from being hurt or let down by his daddy, but that is his responsibility more than yours. How about giving him a chance at least? Telling him about the baby and seeing how he reacts... if he wants to change and make an effort, then you can allow him supervised visitation rights so that you know he won't harm or badly influence your son's life, if he doesn't want anything to do with his son, then it will be him your baby will resent for that and not you.

My Dad wasn't a very nice person and in honesty I wish I had never met him, HOWEVER if I hadn't, I might well have ended up wondering what he was like and resenting my mother for keeping him from me... Worth thinking about that anyway.

Ultimately Caden's Dad is responsible for his part in his son's life, and maybe it is best to see how he reacts the news of being a father and let him take that responsibility?

This is your baby, though - Like I say, you will know what is best for him. I'm just giving you food for thought... I know you will already have thought about this so much, so follow your heart.

Take care, hunni - If you want to talk about anything feel free to pm me x

[edit: I wanted to say, you are so mature and thoughtful to be even thinking about this stuff; It must take a lot of courage and strength to look past your own feelings of just wanting your ex to stay in your past, in order to consider what is best for your baby. You will make a fantastic mother x]

 

[xarlenex]

Id say give him a chance..purely because sometimes people do change.

But my OH's dad walked out on his mother and personally isnt worth a thought. but my OH still wonders if things could have been different. In the end its totally up to you x

 

[xXDonnaXx]

I would let him know about his son. But it's your choice if you want him in his life or not. Knowing he's got a son on the way might change him. But it's entirely upto you what you do.

 

[baby.love]

I agree with the girls that maybe you should tell him and then just take it from there. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

[psychicXXspie]

Thanks. :]

I decided to tell him. And now he's in rehab. I'm so happy. :]

And he was so sweet about it. He started crying and everything. :]