advice

[angelpkj]

FOB is a penis really
but given everythin thats gone on if he wants to be a dad and get involved i will give him the chance

he's on about staying with me to help out when LO arrives in april
im alright with that but my parents arn't happy about me agreeing to let him do that one bit i think their just looking out for me but they think its "not normal" to allow FOB to come and stay over some nights to help with LO and night feeds,its only going to be for a few week so FOB bonds and steps up to responsibility,im going to need help so if FOB is offering why shouldnt i take him up on the offer?

i have very good reasons why LO will not be stayin over at FOBs im not really comfortable with LO going round FOBs at all so this isn't going to be an option

just wanted to know everyones veiws

 

[punk_chick]

I think that its great that he's willing to step up to his responibilities, and I know that your parents worry about you, after all your the 'little girl' and they don't want to see you hurt. Why don't you make a list of rules that FOB should stick to....
ie. NO sleeping in your bed
NO smoking in the house/around LO etc.

 

[sophiew]

Its completely your decision honey. If you're comfortable with it that's up to you. Its your decision and nobody elses. Its good of you to give him a chance to be a Dad, but that doesn't mean you have to be close to him yourself if you don't want to. On the other hand if you think it's going to be easy enough to have both of you be there so much for the child I say go for it.. Just do what makes you feel comfortable x

 

[angelpkj]

yeah its more a case of if he's willing to help i will be grateful and take the help afterall hes FOB and i'd rather him help with the baby during night feeds rather than my mum or on my own

just the way my family reacting over it,making me self doubt a little

 

[sophiew]

Well it's your baby.. And his baby. Your parents are going to have to understand. At the end of the day you're doing the grown up unselfish thing and realising that your child has two parents A lot of mothers don't do that. x

 

[angelpkj]

yeah
thanks

realised that abit today talkin 2 a girl and she said if she was me shed refuse to let FOB see LO and be at birth n that

just made me realise yeah its easier to cut them out LO's life but doesnt mean its always the right thing to do

 

[purpledahlia]

It really depends what he's done. I gave FOB a million and a half chances and to this day has consistently let me and LO down. Ive finally said enough's enough. And i am NOT one to agree with saying to the dad they cant know or see the child. but i have to now, after what he's done. im not gonna be walked over for the next 18years! so only u can judge as only u know what hes done!

 

[angelpkj]

its really really long and complicated,the guy clearly has alot of issues

i don't think we will get back together too much has been said and i've been put thru to much hurt for it to work

i think i just feel sorry for him,dispite everything-i haven't done anythin to hurt him so my concious is clear,he has to deal with the fact hes fucked everythin up with a decent girl and the chance to have a little family for what he thought was for the best and now hes realised it wasnt what he wanted after all

i told him hes let me down,he hasnt been there once when iv needed him not once and if i went off my feelings for him i wouldnt want him near me or baby
but i cant just go off how hes treated me,i need to give him the chance to be a dad and he gets one chance,no excuses if he lets me down and baby down from this point on i dont want to see him again and he knows this so lets just hope it makes him sort his head out and step up :/

 

[purpledahlia]

Sounds exactly like my FOB. Wants this and me and that and bla bla bla, then doesnt, then does, aaahhh.

I was the same though, I gave chance after chance after chance. For way, way too long. And now i put my foot down. I think its fair to give them the chance but be prepared to say enough is enough and dont back down. If FOB continues to be a shit then tough.
I know i wont be treated like crap for the next 18years, I dont have any regrets, my concience is clear. His? His isnt. But its not my problem, So long as you dont make it yours then its fair to give one chance.

 

[xxfluffyxx]

hey girl.....that sounds so familiar to me also!!!! my FOB tried this and more.....was an a$$hole the whole time i was preg,well most of it anyway! then as the time neared he texted, called ,like that wanted to stay,be at the birth..I let him stay on the couch to experience the feeds etc and to "do the right thing" etc....I even let him at the birth which,obviously is hard and personal and intrusive etc especailly if your not with the guy! i included him in everything etc....even now im only learning not to put his feelings,thoghts and needs first,and not to be afraid ,bullied or intimidated by him or his family!JUST PUT YOU AND YOUR BABY FIRST! because at the end of the day,for me anyway,it was all thrown back in my face,he took me to court over my son,called me names,mind-f*cked me constantly etc(amongst much more!)and it got me nowhere being nice and thinking of him however much i loved him and still do!! now..im tryna cut him out etc,from me anyway...remember your emotions will be screwed when you give birth too ...take the help from your family who will ALWAYS be there for you hun!!! it is your choice,he can be involved and visit etc without moving in....hope this helps lotsa hugs x