Age gap between one and two

[LynAnne]

I can't believe that I am posting this but here I am. I feel like am officially WTT for baby number two even though my three month old is asleep in my arms right now. I never thought I would be this broody again this quickly but already I'm longing for #2. Yup, that physical ache is back again, made worse by the desire to give DS a brother or sister.

I'd like a fairly small age gap, anywhere between 18 months and three years, which could mean starting TTC in 6 months if DH is willing get on board. I must be mad. It took 14 months to manage a healthy pregnancy and baby (we had multiple losses) so I'm very conscious that it doesn't happen easily for everyone.

Am I crazy to be broody again already? For mums of more than one, what age gap did you have between 1 & 2? What was a good age gap?

 

[broodymrs]

We have a 3.5 year age gap and even though it's early days it seems like a good gap. Ds1 is old enough to understand what's going on and he is besotted with his brother. TBH for me dealing with two babies (i.e. Where they're of an age where you can't properly communicate with them) would be far more difficult. Not sure where you live but for us in the uk it's worked out well for nursery funding too. Each to their own though, I'm sure people with small gaps will have positive stories too. I think you'd make it work regardless of the gap

 

[Aelyana]

Awww three months old is such a precious age. I love when they fall sleep in your arms.

Anyway I also always am insanely broody straight away so I can relate. I think it may be hormonal for me because it fades a little over time but not until after lo is a year?! Bit crazy but there you go.

We have 21 months between ds1 and ds2, I do agree w pp that it is a lot to handle but also gorgeous and fun. For hopefully dc3 I am hoping for an age gap closer to three years or even a bit more. I can see how that wud be easier. Depends a lot on the character of the lo as well I guess. Gl!

 

[catty]

I was the same and my son and daughter have an 11 month 3 week gap i honestly think its a great gap!!

 

[MindUtopia]

We'll be having a four and a half year age gap, which is perfect for us. I think everyone is different, but it really wasn't until my daughter was 3 to 3.5 that I really felt like I'd given her my full time and attention and could think about having a second. I feel like I would have missed out on time with her if we'd done it sooner. Now when baby comes along, she'll be starting school and I'll have my days to have that one on one time with the baby that I had with her.

Realistically, the choice was also financial. I needed to finish my degree (I was working on a PhD when I had her), get a new job so I could get better maternity pay, and we wanted to give our family business a bit more time to grow (we started the business when I was on maternity with her, so it's 4 years old now). One thing to think about is if you plan to go back to work, would you be able to afford two in nursery or with a childminder? I know for friends who have had their second sooner, it was a huge shock how expensive it was and pretty much their whole salaries went to paying for two kids in nursery. After 3, you will get your free hours (which is 30 hours from September, which helps).

Really though, it's so personal. 4+ years was perfect for us and I wouldn't have wanted any less, even if it means I will be 37 when our second arrives.

 

[justplay91]

I was this way after my first was born. He was born in August and we started not trying, not preventing that November. By January we were actively trying and by March we were pregnant again. There's about 15.5 months between my son and daughter and I love it. I actually find it easier than if I had say a 4 year old and a newborn. Mostly because they do everything at the same time now that they are both toddlers (son is 2.5 and daughter is 15 months). Our day is very easy to schedule. They both wake up around 7 am, we change diapers, have milk and breakfast, brush teeth, get dressed, play and watch cartoons or read, have lunch, go down for a nap, wake up, play more/run errands, have dinner, bath, brush teeth, read bedtime stories, and go to bed. Haha. It works very well and we're just getting to the point of being able to leave the house and do more as a family.
Now, what we did NOT plan was adding a 3rd when my daughter turns 15.5 months old, but I guess nature had other plans. We're currently 37 weeks pregnant with #3 so very shortly the whole thing will be upended again and we'll have to start over.
I would say the worst thing about it is the fighting between them, but I think it would be pretty similar unless there was a significantly larger gap (say 5+ years) in between them. But overall I love the smaller age gap, and would do it again (obviously!).

 

[Boozlebub]

We have 2years 3 months between DS and DD and it's been great so far (DD will turn 1 year old in April) and I can see it getting better as they start to play together (also louder and I'll probably become a referee! )

DS had a good understanding of the situation and baby and really took to his sister. I love watching them laugh together!

The toughest part of our age gap is sleep. DS has never been a particularly great sleeper so I'm up a lot between them as they both only want me!

But ultimately different age gaps work for different people and whatever yours will be will be the best for you

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

We have an age gap of 5 years and 9 months and I honestly could not have seen us with a smaller age gap. Although I was broody for no2 for a long time, it wasn't really until our oldest was at school full time that that ache kicked in. Had we have fell pregnant straight away our age gap would have been much smaller, (it took us 14 months to fall with our 2nd) but I'm actually really happy with the way it panned out.

Our 2nd was born the day our eldest broke up for her February half term and we had a whole week where we just spent time adjusting to being a family of 4 which was lovely but it was nice to have time during the day to bond with no2 when no1 was at school because it made me feel less guilty about having to split my time. Not only that but I feel I recovered better with no2 because I was able to sleep when she slept because I wasn't running around after another child or trying to keep the older one entertained.

Of course it's different strokes for different folks but even the thought of 2 not sleeping through, 2 in nappies, 2 having a tantrum at the same time sends shivers down my spine and puts the fear of god into me.

3 months is a blissful age because their still new and still spend most of the day sleeping so in some respects (definitely not saying all, babies are hard work my 2nd has cmpa so I know the struggles that can crop up) but in some respects it's easy to get carried away with wanting more now iykwim because essentially they don't really do anything. What I'm trying to explain isn't coming across very well but I don't at all mean to sound condescending or rude

 

[LynAnne]

Thanks girls.

You are all so right that it's completely different for every individual situation. I can see a smaller age gap totally working for us and certainly wouldn't want a gap of more than 3 years by choice. I know that some people prefer that gap as they can devote time to new baby while eldest is at nursery/school but I personally would feel like in a roundabout way I would worry that the eldest would feel forced out of the house now that the baby was here. Not saying that's how it was for anyone with that age gap just how it would FEEL for me. I know how tough it can be with two little ones. Whilst not entirely the same thing I was very hands on helping with my younger twin sisters when they were babies/toddlers/young. I'm a SAHM and so childcare doesn't play into it for us. Plus we have plenty of family members who would babysit or help out if we needed I or i decided to take up some part time work.

I know there is no right age gap or time for anyone to have #2. Its just nice to hear other people's viewpoint. I dont plan on trying any time soon though as I know I want to really soak up time with DS first. Plus id have to get DH on board first and I'm pretty sure he is going to be sensible until DS's first birthday at least!

 

[Eleanor ace]

I have a 21 month gap between my 1st and 2nd and I love it, I also have an almost 2.5 year gap between my 2nd and 3rd and I love that too .
The two who are closer in age are into the same things, at similar stages and I love that.

 

[LynAnne]

Eleanor ace - that is my ideal age gap for between 1&2 AND 2&3. I'm under no illusion that it is hard work but it also seems really wonderful!

 

[cupcake.]

I'm not really wtt already but we do want more, ideally 3 children.

But we are planning for a somewhat bigger age gap between our first little baby girl and a second. It'll probably be at least 2 1/2 years before we start trying so we'd have at least 3 years between them, probably more though.
There's lots of reasons, we're getting married next year, OH has a few career milestones he wants to hit, i don't want to go back to work and leave soon for a second maternity leave. We want to move before having another, maybe even buy a house. We wouldn't have room for two little ones here. Also, our first isn't exactly the easiest baby so just in case the next one will be as well it will probably be a lot easier when our first isn't as little anymore. I am actually quite excited for another one and so excited for when the time comes but i'm really content with our decision on having a bigger age gap.

That being said, for number 2 and 3 i think i'd like to experience a smaller age gap.

I'm not concerned about siblings not getting along when the age gap is bigger. I know siblings with like 9 year gaps who get along great and the two sets of twins i know don't really get along. So i don't think the age gap really affects how siblings get along and i'm sure that even if it ends up being lile a 5 year gap, they will be getting along

 

[aidensxmomma]

There's a 16 month age gap between DS1 and DD1 and then an 8 year gap between DS1 & DS2/7 year gap between DD1 & DS2. Both age gaps have their pros and cons although I honestly prefer the gap between DS1 and DD1.

Going from having older kids and then back to a baby has been kind of tough - it's like being a first time parent all over again. Plus, the big kids have a schedule that is much less flexible now that they're older. They have to be up and ready for school in the morning, they have after school activities, they have to be in bed at a certain time, get homework done, etc. I feel like if they were younger, our schedule could be much more flexible than it currently is. DS2 is really high needs as well, so it's a challenge to keep the big kids on their schedule and keep DS2 happy.

There are advantages, though. When I was pregnant, I was really sick the whole time and the big kids were able to entertain themselves or even watch a movie or something so I could nap when I really needed to. And now that the baby is born, they do a great job helping entertain him and helping with him.

My older two are really close, although they fight quite a bit. I think that is more because of their personalities than their age gap, though. It's also great because their interests and abilities are similar. But DS2 absolutely adores his siblings already (and the big kids adore him) so I don't see any issues with their relationships down the line.

All that being said, DH and I are planning for a small age gap between DS2 and our next baby. I definitely prefer the small age gap and I've been a stay at home mom since I had my oldest, so there's not much that will change in terms of finances or child care. That would be a big factor if I was working.

It's definitely an individual decision. While I love the small age gaps, my brother and SIL aren't even considering any more kids until their son is older and possibly in school. What works for me doesn't work for them and vice versa.