AGHHH why is age such a problem to other people!!

[MrsRobinson]

Sorry to rant but is anyone els feeling the same frustration and madness of other people as I am???
I'm 35 (found out I was pregnant on my birthday)
I already have 2 Daughters age 16 and 11 when I got pregnant before I was un married and young but had been with my partner a while and everyone was so nice and the first thing they said was "congratulations"!!!!
I am now married and have been for 5 years (not to my daughters father)
my husband also has 2 children from his past relationship too!
the thing that makes me so mad is when anyone finds out I'm pregnant the first thing the say to me is "oh what you going to do" and "oh my god your having a baby when you have a 16 year old" and "are you stupid your children are nearly both grown up and your starting again"!!!
me and my husband have been trying for a baby since we got married as we thought it would be nice to have a baby together even though we didnt tell anyone we where trying and was giving up hope it was ever going to happen, we are financialy happy and life is great we are so happy, So why does everyone els think we are mad!! or that its sooo bad to be pregnant at MY AGE bloody hell im 35 not quite getting my pension yet!
some people just dont think before opening there big mouths!!

Rant over

 

[Nikki_d72]

Ow, sorry you've had this reaction, it's so presumtious. Mind you, there have been a couple of days recently where I've said the same thing to myself! Just got my life back etc etc but it will be wonderful. My DD is 8 and I'm 38 and we wanted another for a long time. Try not to stress, you will be happy and they will soon see that... bleh to them.

 

[AbbyDBrown]

Double post

 

[AbbyDBrown]

I don't find I that bad. I think 35 would be the limit and I think it's better then seeing teens having kids at least your mature and know what your doing and Congratz!!!

 

[Fallen Angel]

Mrs Robinson, I think you already hit the nail on the head - some people just don't think before opening their mouths.

Now, if it was a close friend perhaps airing their concerns, in a nice friendly matter, genuinely asking how you were going to cope etc., it would be different, but I bet it's strangers or almost strangers and people you work with that are coming out with these comments.

I personally think people just feel the need to make a comment rather than just a pleasant "Congratulations" these days, I don't know what it is, or where it came from, but when I was younger I was tought to have manners and respect for others and not to speak out of line and would never dream of saying things to people like some have said to me.

I'm quite open about the fact we're hoping to have another baby very shortly afte this one, because that's when you're most fertile and I get the same comments, like oh my god, you'll have two in nappies at 36 and how on earth will you cope - or that's your life over then.

I quite frankly tell them if they have nothing positive to say, then don't say anything at all.

It's not like I've gone out at 16 and got pregnant by mistake, we've made this conscious life decision and it's what we're going to do regardless of your opinion.

I understand why it frustrates you and makes you mad, but try and think up a one liner to shut them up and make you feel good - I always walk away with a smile on my face after saying "if you don't have anything positive to say, then don't say anything at all" and they always look quite put out and like they're grappling for words

 

[Claireyb1]

Well congrats Mrs Robinson! 35 is still young in my book
Thankfully I haven't encountered any of this yet, but only very close friends and family know at the moment and they are all over the moon.
When I told my doctor she didn't immeadiately say congrats incase perhaps it wasn't my intention to keep the baby? which is of course not the case!!!. As I am 37 I was worried she might have something to say about my age, but all she said was "don't worry I didn't have my 1st until I was 41!"
I hope you don't get too much more of the comments and can go and enjoy your wonderful news and pregnancy.

 

[Andypanda6570]

When i was pregnant, sadly I lost my Ava people were SO excited for me. I was 40 and I had 3 boys already 20,17 and 11 and all I heard was this pregnancy is a blessing It was for me and with a daughter I was over the moon. I lost her at 18 weeks, but I still want to try again.
I see more and more women over 40 having kids, I think it's the norm now.
Good Luck

 

[Fallen Angel]

Sorry to hear of your loss AndyPanda

Are you trying again? x

 

[Andypanda6570]

Sorry to hear of your loss AndyPanda

Are you trying again? x

Thank you SO much, Yes I think we will.
xoxoxoox

 

[knitbit]

People just don't think before they speak. I didn't get started until I was 33, so being 35 doesn't sound old to me, lol. Being an older mom can be a blessing. Now I'm 38 and expecting #3 and #4!

Congratulations to you and your husband!

 

[Fallen Angel]

People just don't think before they speak. I didn't get started until I was 33, so being 35 doesn't sound old to me, lol. Being an older mom can be a blessing. Now I'm 38 and expecting #3 and #4!

Congratulations to you and your husband!

Totally agree, it's almost like we're more prepared being older isn't it - we have a bit more life experience and for me, personally, I've lived a good life till now so won't ever feel like I'm missing out on stuff in the future and can concentrate on the family

 

[MiissDior]

I technically should'nt be here..
but just noticed new section on BnB and was suprised..
I dont think age matters
and the pregnancy over 35 section was suprising,
But can get the idea of it
and hope its a brilliant support for alot of you ladies
prob in a way be like a little community like the teen pregnancy section is for younger moms.. Im in between the teens and this section so i just pop along to trimester boards or where ever ..
but anyways my point of been here is just to say
CONGRATULATIONS ladies and best of luck with the new section.
Hope its a great benefit and comfort to a lot of you
anyways age deffo doesnt define how good of a mother you are
love is all that matters..

Takecare girls, enjoy






x​

 

[Amberyll23]

I haven't personally experienced any comments about my age (36) and this pregnancy from people that I meet. A lot of my college friends didn't start having their families until they were into their 30s, so it may just be that I am viewed as the "norm" in the circles I am in. My family has struggled a lot with unplanned teen pregnancy and the like with a lot of my cousins, so I think they are just relieved that my DH and I waited and planned for our children.

That being said, I think it is horrible for anyone to make comments about a mother's age. In my opinion, there is a heck of a lot to be said for maturity in parents. Age does not define how good of a mother you can be.

My In-laws adopted a little boy when my DH was 17 and his brother was 19. That little boy grew up in a very loving and stable home, and my DH and his brother were excellent "big brothers" to him.

So I say pffft to the people that are critical of older mommies--they have no clue what they are talking about!

 

[missdenise]

Mrs. Robinson- I am sorry to hear that people are being so rude. They truly don't think. I am 38 and expecting my 2nd. My son will be 11yo and I will be 39 when she is born. My husband has a 14yo and this is his 2nd. We MC about 4yrs ago and have been trying since. We just got married in October and soon found out we were expecting. People are thrilled for us. In my family it's not unusuall. My aunt had her 8th child at 44yo.

The dr was I was seeing when we found out gave us a hard time. She is no longer my dr. I had to laugh when I saw the paper work that listed me as "advanced maternal age". I don't feel advanced. I don't look advanced.

We are excited and feel more prepared for her arrival. We try not to think of how old we will be when she enters college.

Good Luck! Just ignore the peanut gallery!

 

[Storm1jet2]

I've only just started at 35!

Congratulations and don't listen to those folks who are obviously just being rude! As long as you and your DH are happy then that is all that matters

 

[Wind]

I haven't had anybody say anything about my age (I'm 35) but people are always giving my husband grief about his age. (He's 51.) I had one woman walk up to me and say, "I guess now that you have a baby coming he's not planning to retire anytime soon, is he?" He wasn't planning to retire anyway. He loves to work. Grrrrrrr. I had another woman say, "I didn't even know sperm could still swim at that age." It makes me nuts.

 

[Fallen Angel]

I haven't had anybody say anything about my age (I'm 35) but people are always giving my husband grief about his age. (He's 51.) I had one woman walk up to me and say, "I guess now that you have a baby coming he's not planning to retire anytime soon, is he?" He wasn't planning to retire anyway. He loves to work. Grrrrrrr. I had another woman say, "I didn't even know sperm could still swim at that age." It makes me nuts.

I think one or maybe two of those ladies would have got the sharp edge of my tongue if not a slap on the chops!!!!

Cheeky feckers!!

Who do some people think they are??

 

[Bebica]

Don't have that problem even though I am 42 with 2 big daughters already...Maybe because I am newly married and it's just normal that way.I do feel kinda funny at this age but other people take it normal...

 

[hopeandpray]

People can be stupid. My mum had my brother and sister (twins) at 36. They're 17 now and she is still full of energy and life. I can't understand why people say they want to have babies young so that they can run around after them, being 30 or 40 isn't the same as being 90

 

[ciarhwyfar]

My older daughter has been being mistaken for my sister for years now. She thinks it is a riot. That is the kind of comments I normally get when I get them. People probably think I am about 10 years or so younger than I am but I thank my grandparents for any good genes. They both turn 91 this year and live in their own apartment in a senior community, no walkers or canes either.

My OH may be several years younger than I but it isn't noticed by most people. Even people who know my age haven't said anything negative, except my mother and well, that is just how she is.