All these comments...

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by Snorman, Dec 4, 2018.

  1. Snorman

    Snorman Well-Known Member

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    On my body. Why..?
    Why do people do this?
    Why do I have to sit through endless of comments on my body.
    "WOW you're HUUUUGE!!!!!"
    "Ha, you look so funny with your belly!"
    "You're enoooormous, sure it's not twins?"
    "You must be so close now? WHAT TWO MONTHS LEFT??? But you're so big!!"
    (According to my midwifes measurements, I am normal sized..)

    Seriously.. I watch myself in the mirror like 20 minutes every morning trying to find something to wear that I feel comfortable in, and that I look at least a little nice in. And as soon as I arrive to work everything just falls apart, because of all of these comments.

    I talked about this with my friend yesterday, and she was all like "noo but you're beautiful!" and that's when I realized something; I don't feel ugly. I just don't feel comfortable with my body. It changes so fast and everyday I see something different in the mirror, which drives me insane. I think I look nice and sometimes beautiful, but I don't feel comfortable. Does anybody els feel like this? How do you deal with that?
    And how do you deal with people commenting?

    I'm 33 weeks now, and I hate going to work just because I know I will be showered with stupid comments that make me sad..
     
  2. DobbyForever

    DobbyForever First Time Momma

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    Hugs. Exactly, it’s just adjusting to a new you. I had a difficult time PP and third tri with how different I looked. Luckily, most people I know have the sense of what not to say to a pregnant woman (perk of living in super PC california lol). But I had one coworker without fail every Monday that would tell me how much I grew over the weekend and how much bigger I was. At first I just responded with some self affirmation like yeah I love my bump and gave it a rub. But after a while it got annoying. I literally just stopped responding with more than an mmm lol. One day my coworker went OFF on her though. Straight up asked her why she thought those comments were ok and to take a from my body language and lack of response that I was unamused. She was taken aback but only stopped once she transferred sires haha.

    So long story short I’m too old to indulge stupidity. So I will literally just walk away without responding.
     
  3. Snorman

    Snorman Well-Known Member

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    Ugh, right..? Most people at my office don't know how to talk to pregnant women. When my collegue was pregnant this summer, she swelled up a lot because it was so friggin' hot everywhere, and EVERYONE commented on it! She was miserable all ready, and it did NOT help with everyone commenting on how tired, swollen and huge she was..

    I don't know how to deal with the comments.. Right now I just sort of.. laugh a little uncomfortably and then feel sad. I don't have the guts to bite back and say what I really think of these comments. I just want them to stop.
     
  4. DobbyForever

    DobbyForever First Time Momma

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    If you can’t shake it off, may be worth throwing and I Statement at them. Let them know how it makes you feel. They think it’s harmless, so they may stop if they know that it actually bothers you. And if they say oh well you know you look beautiful I am just kidding or that’s not what they meant stand your ground and tell them that they are not hearing you and the comments need to stop. And then if you still get them and it’s still that bad, consider sending hr and email. Harassing a pregnant woman (protected class) is a huge no no. But that last bit is a tad aggressive so only involve her if you are really miffed
     
  5. Snorman

    Snorman Well-Known Member

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    Yeeah.. Problem is, I am soooooo scared of confrontation.. I get real bad anxiety just thinking about it. Anyway.. I only have 12 days left at work, so maybe I'll just have to manage. But it suuuucks that people think it's okay to say whatever's on their minds..
     
  6. WhisperGirl

    WhisperGirl Mum of 6 to be

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    It's just what people say. It's part and parcel of every pregnancy. Just an observation. You feel uncomfortable because you're reading too much into what they're saying.
     
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  7. MollyMoon

    MollyMoon Well-Known Member

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    I'd agree, if their stupid enough not to take your feelings into consideration then don't waste your time worrying cause you are carrying a precious gift. I have bad cellulite from my knees up and I'm just focusing on my baby and trying my best to be not too hard on myself, it's my first baby and I'll walk away from anyone who wants to try and steal my joy. Alot of the times I find that the ppl who make those comments are women who've never been pregnant or they're men.
    A few weeks ago a (male) co-worker asked me how I was feeling and I said I was feeling pretty rough and then he says 'well blame it on your husband or you for getting pregnant.' So I just totally bit my tongue and walked away because he will never know what its like and he's not even worth talking to if he can't empathize.
    I get those comments too 'oh your so big' but just turn around and say yes my baby is a big girl! Just give it back to the rude ones- sorry to say - I think they'll feel pretty stupid if you call them out in front of others.

    But like Dobby said if you seriously feel you are being harrassed write down and date what the person said and who it is a go straight to HR. It's their job to protect employees and its legal. No one can turn it around on you. There are laws about harassment at the workplace.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is try to figure out if it's just ignorant comments or you feel you're being harrassed because sometimes that line can be pretty thin.

    Good luck and I hope things get better for you:hug:
     
  8. AsheBro

    AsheBro Ethan and bumps mommy

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    This was literally me with my last pregnancy. I was big with my son, I retained a lot of water and he just stuck out. I'm also short so he had nowhere else to go but out.
    Literally everyone commented on my bump "youre bump enters a room 5 minutes before you do!" "Oh you're not making it to your due date"
    "He's going to be a big baby... like 9 lbs"
    ect ect
    I even had strangers comment and give me weird looks when I told them when I was due.
    Which I didn't make it to my due date but we believe I was actually 2 weeks ahead of what my doctor thought as I never had a growth scan or anything, plus my body was trying to go into labor for a week or two before my waters broke and I ended up giving birth at 36w6d which could have been almost 39 weeks.
    He was small, 7lbs 7oz and 18 inches long and I'm not gonna lie, I was realllly smug about it because my least favorite comment was about how he was going to be this HUGE baby.
    I'm smaller this time around but my dad has made a few comments saying he thinks she's going to be bigger than my son, which I don't think because I'm actually measuring a tiny bit behind. But no one else is saying anything about my size this time. Thank goodness.
     
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  9. Snorman

    Snorman Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for all your answers!
    I don't really feel harassed, it's more annoying, you know?
    Just some days, when I'm super emotional and over all just don't feel comfortable in my body, that's when I will get super sad and stuff.

    But I only have 4 more days to work before christmas, and then 5 after. Then I'm on maternity leave for a year and it's gonna be amazing :D I'm trying to focus on that!

    (My colleagues are the sort of people who comments on everybody, just a few seconds ago my least favorite colleague said some real nasty shit about a swedish celebrity, just because she wore a colorful dress..)
     
  10. MollyMoon

    MollyMoon Well-Known Member

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    I hope these last few days go quickly then for you! What's your dd?
     

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