Almost out, nerves are going into overdrive

[tinymumma]

With being so close to the third trimester, my head is a mess. We have a medium amount of clothes, a couple of boxes of wipes, some nappies (nowhere near as much as I would like though), wash cloths, a bassinet, 4 bottles, a few sets of dummies, socks, blankets.... It looks like a lot but I'm so frightened there isn't enough!
The cot, chest of drawers, change table, pram and attachment and capsule are all on layby but this is just what OH says as he did it as a surprise. Part of me doesn't believe him even though I've quizzed him about it and his answers never change. I'm going to be unprepared enough being a FTM, I'm so afraid that we won't have what we need.
I'm scared to death of labour. Not the pushing part, the countless hours prior have me in panic attack mode. That I won't cope and achieve the natural drug free water birth I so desperately want. I'm scared about every aspect of the ordeal.
Then there's the whole being a mum part. How am I supposed to know if he's still hungry, if he's in pain or sick. What if he beings to choke on something, I know first aid but what if I get it wrong. How am I supposed to know he is really sick? How do I know what he wants when he cries. My routine and housekeeping have already fallen apart around me, how am I going to do this?! I'm petrified of it all and I know I just have to jump in and do my best but what if my best isn't close to good enough?
Sorry for the length, I just have so much going on in my head and I don't know if I can do this. I want him to be here, so the birth is over, my body can heal, so this endless back pain will go away but that would mean I have to do the mum part and I can't help but feel that I'll drown and fail :'(

 

[Monjon07]

Im so sorry your going through so much headache, I know its hard to do but try not to stress and just keep in mind everything will work out. I am a FTM as well and I am pretty young (23) so I cannot give you advice per se about how to tell this and that, but I can say I understand that it can be scary. I am also trying to do a drugless, water birth! And you have to trust in your abilities, but most of all do your homework and research like crazy haha. That is what really helped me to calm some of my fears. When it came to the whole childbirth part I used to be so scared out of my wits that I said I was just going to get a C-section and get it over with. Then I watched the Business of Being Born and it gave me such inspiration, courage, and even made me feel that I can be strong enough and brave enough to go drug less. Have you seen it? You can watch it on Youtube or Netflix. Also I would recommend the book Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, I havent read it yet, but a friend recommended it to me.

Lastly, what I have done to prepare me for being a housewife, college student, and momma was to start managing my time now because I am the worse procrastinator in the world. I have put myself in a situation where I have no choice, but to manage my time and so far it is helping me prepare. As far as the amount of things needed for a baby: Are you going to have a baby shower? If not simply looking at the lists they have on registries are helpful in knowing what you need. And if you do your registry through Babies r us (if you have one) you can get 5-10% back on all your or your friends purchases through the registry. Hope I touched on all the points. If you want you can pm me and I could maybe help you with some things. I was just thinking about making a quick reference guide on both pregnancy and baby problems like sickness, rashes, etc so I can not panic when the time comes. Just remember have confidence in yourself and KNOW that you will mess up, but UNDERSTAND that, thats alright because its part of being human. The fact that you are worried shows you are going to be the best mommy for your baby!

 

[tinymumma]

This made me cry xo Damn hormones Thank you for the kind words. I'm a terrible procrastinator as well and since I've had the flu for about two weeks, my housework had stacked up which I think has made it seem far more daunting. Tackling that now as well as moving bubs stuff upstairs and partly setting his room up. It's terribly frightening, the whole aspect of becoming a mother and being so young (18) My OH supports me in wanting to be a SAHM but that brings guilt as I hate leaving all the finances and such up to him. I hate that he has been coming home to a shambles of a house, so that is going to change today.
I guess just taking it one step at a time is the best way to cope and get on top of everything

 

[Monjon07]

Just dont be so hard on yourself. Today I felt really off and sick and did nothing for my DH for Father's day, while he bought me a card and made me breakfast during Mother's Day. I felt so bad that I told him I was sorry and he didnt seem to mind and accepted my apology. Then I realized I have to sometimes just relax and stop pushing myself. (Thats what I am bad at; if I am not physically ill I can work and work until I get that way) So many times I just communicate with him. I dont work either, I am currently in school and DH works nights (hate it--need my cuddle bug haha). Sometimes I only cook twice a week and he cleans a lot in my place, but I realize that I just have to go about it one day at a time. Then at the end of the day assess my day and continue whats working for me and for those that do not, think of another way and try it the next day! Its about learning yourself and how you work best. That way when baby arrives you will have you and your household together and all that you have to worry about it sweet LO.

 

[tinymumma]

It's a strange adjustment from school leaver to house wife. I've done it before but had a job then and was only in a one bedroom flat. Now in a three bedroom, two storey town house with a bub on the way. OH is pretty close to perfect, a pity we have to focus on his mother so much. Constantly looking after her children and running around after her, spending money on her and such. She is going through a hard time at the moment but sometimes I just wish I could tell her to f off and leave us be!

 

[Monjon07]

Oh my, I'm sure that's a hard thing to deal with. We are currently in a three bedroom apartment with his brother and his family friend as roomies. Two men... and I have realized that its not easy! Boys don't happen to be the cleanest and sometimes I wish it could just be me and DH, its hard enough learning how each other do things under the same roof. Unfortunately it was the only way he was convinced to move out of his mom's house and be able to live stably. Early in pregnancy I was soooo stressed trying to figure out how to keep the place clean and juggle a baby and school and cooking. Today I had a meeting with them after waiting months for DH to do it (not so comfortable confronting them since I dont know them like that) so I am hoping everyone does their part. We are thinking of getting a house next year, but part of me is scared/reluctant cause there are things they are going to have to stop doing (cursing, alcohol in fridge, etc) so idk... They are cool dont get me wrong, I just would love it if it was our little family...

 

[tinymumma]

That must really suck hon Roomies aren't wonderful at the best of times, let alone I'm your situation! Best of luck with the house thing xo I hope the baby proofing talk went well.

 

[Zeri]

Just wanted to say I felt exactly like this at around 27-28 weeks too. From 4-26 weeks I was basking in the limelight of pregnancy, but by the time 27 weeks hit, it dawned on me that I was actually having a baby! What? What am I supposed to do? I'm not ready? I'm scared of giving birth! etc etc... Those were the thoughts I had. I think most first time mothers get anxious when it comes closer to end of 2nd tri -3rd tri actually.

Do you have a list of things you need to do to get ready? Making one and tackling things one by one might help. For anxiety about labour - I found that reading books and articles on labour and birth (and what happens - what I can do to cope etc)- also really helped (and I did have a good birth experience - natural too! Yes, it was painful, but if women all over the world can do it, so can you! It really helps you be in awe of what your body can do, too).

The Mom part will come in time. For most new moms it's just a process of learning, of trial and error. The first few weeks are tough, but it usually does get easier day by day. By about 6 weeks postpartum you'll probably be well into the swing of things, and would've developed a routine, and all of a sudden you'll find that you'll feel a lot more in control and competent. Do you have the book, "What to Expect in the First Year?". That can help a lot with any questions you might have too.

I'm sure you'll fine. What you're feeling is totally normal!

 

[tinymumma]

I knew I wouldn't be alone in feeling this way. I think people have freaked me out more than needed. Watching my friends become parents, hearing their labour stories and them telling me having a newborn is so difficult and I won't be able to copy. Unlike a lot of them, this baby isn't an accessory to me, I understand more in depth about what I'm in for than they did. They all seemed to think their babies would never cry and being a mother would be like it is in movies and all that. Rainbows and sunshine. I'm not that deluded.
I love the idea of a list. I'll do that today when I finish sorting his room (well the pieces we have anyway)

 

[NotNic]

Lovely you're actually ahead of the pack re organisation. Goodness with my first we bought and renovated a house in 3rd tri, moving in at 38wks with my son arriving 8 days later. Prior to moving, apart from his rocking crib, pram and car seat everything we had for him fitted into two bags and most of that came from my baby shower His nursery stuff arrived two weeks after he did! We more than coped, because you get given gifts and unless you live more than an hour away from a supermarket or mall, you can easily pick up what you need between feeds!

I'm not going to lie and say having a newborn is easy. Our 1st had colic and reflux and we had a horrendous time of breastfeeding, but it literally is a few weeks vs. years of joy when you have a child. When you smell their head or you get your first smile, all your fears melt away. Just appreciate that for at least the first month life won't happen like it used to. Some days you might not get dressed, some are better and you manage to eat breakfast AND brush your teeth before 9am but you'll find your feet and a rhythm and routine that works for you and baby before you know it. You dont have a chance to 'not cope'. You have a baby that needs feeding, changing and loving. You're too busy!

Look into things now that might help save you time. Stocking up your cupboards with tins, packets, washing powder etc. can be done now. Plan meals you can cook and freeze into portions. Buy birthday presents and cards. Look into the cost of a service wash or ironing and save some money back now to send stuff out in the beginning. Shop around for baby item and compare prices. Start getting bits for your hospital bag. There's lots that can be done now and don't forget a lot of women get a huge nesting feeling kicking in during 3rd tri and you can be very productive. Last time mine had my house cleaned and boxes unpacked in 48hrs!!

Have a look at hypnobirthing books on amazon. The breathing exercises will really help you manage stress now as well as benefit you during labour. You can do this. Try to stay positive. It really does help. xx