Alone, Away from Home at Uni, Need some advice

[xXxsabsxXx]

Hi, I'm 18 and currently at university, but found out last september that I was pregnant. It took me a LONG time to come to terms with being pregnant as previously I was pregnant earlier on in the year (May-July) and a week or two after I told my parents I had a miscarriage. I haven't been to the doctors yet either as I'm away from home at university and still have to register with a local doctor. I have only left it so long because I was in denial about it, after being so upset the first time.
I am going this next week to the doctors to register and book an appointment with the doctor but I'm a little scared as I think by now I'm about 25 weeks (according to those pregnancy calculator things) and I don't want to be judged. Do you think they'll be judmental or just glad I've gone?
Anyway I haven't told my parents yet either. Last time I told my mum and she was so disappointed with me as was my dad. I'm so close to my dad but I think if they found out this happened again then he would disown me from the family. There's no way I would've given up this baby for an abortion but I think my parents would have tried to make me.
Thankfully my OH is at university with me and he's as excited as I am. We will struggle with money so have already bought a second hand pram and those stater baby kits of clothes.
Do you think I should tell my parents and have a year out then do my second year somewhere else??
I'm not sure what to do! My parents have been going on about buying me a flat for my next year at uni but I've not said anything because once they buy it I figured I could live there. But I've just read another thread of someone wanting to have a baby at uni and other people saying how hard it is. I have a 3 week holiday coming up march-april and then finish about 8th may. So I will be pretty big by then. I dont want to have to phone my parents and thell them that way I want to do it properly. But will waiting 7 weeks til I next go home be too long??
I dont want my parents to think I've not tried because I have! and I would love to stay and university for the next 2 years but I there is an equally as good university at home which I could transfer to to continue my second year, in a years time. Im so confused on what to do!!!
My OH is with my 100% and will support me no matter what which is really comforting, but I feel like I need to talk to someone else (hense coming on here) for an outsiders view - plus all my friends are away at Uni and I dont feel close enough to my new friends to tell them.
Anyway - sorry this is so long! feels good to talk though - even though its over the interenet cos I'm quite shy!

 

[Serene123]

I don't think your parents should buy you a flat under false pretenses.

The doctor won't judge you atall, you're very young and it's to be expected (fear etc.)

Taking a year out is all good and well, but will your Uni hold your place? And would someone be able to have your LO while you're at Uni?

Being pregnant and having a baby is hard. It's so rewarding though. Good luck with everything.

 

[QueenMummyToBe]

Hey, I'm in the final year of my course at uni (and I'm 31 weeks pregnant)

Firstly congratulations, it may be a big shock but you and your other half are clearly happy about it and that is all that matters.

Some things I have realised since getting pregnant are..

Education isn't the most important thing in the world.
People are a lot more understanding that you think.
It is better to be honest with people as soon as possible.

If you don't want to tell your parents over the phone/email etc then in my opinion you should go home in April and tell them face to face, it will be hard and scary but you are 18 and old enough to make your own decisions.

Talk to someone from University and get their advice. I would say finish 1st year definitely.. doing one year is better than doing none.

If I want to go back into education in the future it won't be for a couple of years, it is hard to be at University and be pregnant, I can't even imagine what it would be like to be here with a 1 year old!

Go to the Doctor, they will be understanding. You need to have yourself and baby checked over!

Whatever you decide to do will be best for you, don't let anyone bully you into making a different decision.

x

 

[xXxsabsxXx]

thanks that's a great help

 

[nikky0907]

Hey, I'm in the final year of my course at uni (and I'm 31 weeks pregnant)

Firstly congratulations, it may be a big shock but you and your other half are clearly happy about it and that is all that matters.

Some things I have realised since getting pregnant are..

Education isn't the most important thing in the world.
People are a lot more understanding that you think.
It is better to be honest with people as soon as possible.

If you don't want to tell your parents over the phone/email etc then in my opinion you should go home in April and tell them face to face, it will be hard and scary but you are 18 and old enough to make your own decisions.

Talk to someone from University and get their advice. I would say finish 1st year definitely.. doing one year is better than doing none.

If I want to go back into education in the future it won't be for a couple of years, it is hard to be at University and be pregnant, I can't even imagine what it would be like to be here with a 1 year old!

Go to the Doctor, they will be understanding. You need to have yourself and baby checked over!

Whatever you decide to do will be best for you, don't let anyone bully you into making a different decision.

x

I agree with this, education is very important and I recommend you try and finish your first year.

I found out I was pregnant in the middle of my first uni year and I finished it and I'm currently on my second year but doing work from home.
Talk to your guidance counselor and see what are your options, they can be really understanding...

I also didn't want to tell my parents over the phone so I drove to their place and told them face to face and I'm glad I did.

And most important, make an appointment with the doctor, your baby is 25 weeks already and you need prenatal care and surely you want to see your LO on an ultrasound, it's a really beautiful experience you are missing out on.

Good luck!

 

[xarlenex]

I didn't have the uni problem as the course I want to do I can't do until i'm 21. I just wanted to say your parents are probably going to be more upset you've put off telling them the longer you take to tell them. How far away is your uni from home? Isn't there anyway you could travel up at the weekend or something?

And definately get to a doctor, he wont judge. But you and the baby need the proper care.
Congrats on your little bump I wish you all the best

 

[Alexis]

i agree with what everyone else has said. i would say tell your parents after the first doctor appointment, but make sure you do that asap. have you been taking prenatal vitamins? if not you should start taking some right away. if you think yure about 25 weeks along, waiting to tell your parents for another 7 weeks would put you at 32 weeks. giving your parents roughly 2 months to digest this in. it would be alot easier on you and them if everything was in the open. they will probably be upset, but youre THEIR baby and will love you no matter what. and youre 18, so this is your decision. good lock with everything and congratulations on your pregnancy. are you hoping for a boy or a girl?

 

[kirsty x]

Hi i was in a very similar situation as you. I was 18 and at uni wen i fell pregnant, im now 19 and had to leave because i would of been having the baby around the time of exams. Theres people in SU who should be able to talk to you n give u advice. I told the uni of my situation and they said it was fine n i cud come bk next yr if i wanted. The hardest part for me was tellin my parents, when it was over i was glad and they came around in the end ..they had no choice really. Best tell soon after all ull be having a baby in a few months and they wont av much time to come around to the idea if u leave it last min. Also u need to go the docs to make sure everythins ok with the baby and urself.

 

[ladyjayne]

Hi,
I was at uni in my second year, but im just in the process of deffering until sept 2010. The Uni advisors have been my biggest help, go to them because they can tell you what the uni can offer. I've been told of uni's giving couples with babies flats and having nurserys that can look after your baby while your in lectures.
I wanted to finish my second year but I'm due the same time as my exams, so its just not possible.
There are downsides to deffering tho as I've just found out! If my exceptional circumstances form isnt accepted then all my exams and c/w will be capped at 40% and I'm still liable to pay for most of the fees for studying even though I've not been there!

If you think you can finish with a child then go for it! Its the best thing you can do, and if you have a plan on what you want to do before you go to your parents then I think they'll be more supportive as they can see your serious about having your baby and still studying.

If you want to chat Pm me!
x

 

[bootyb]

Hiya hun congrats on your bump. woop!woop! and i agree with everyone on here. Im not at uni but im a college in my last yr of a 2 yr course. i found out i was pregnant jes before going back into 2nd year of the course, nd wen i decided to stay on regardless being pregnant nd my college being in another town... i didnt anticipate how difficult it wud be, but i didnt anticipate how rewarding it wud be too. its hard nd i have push myself to do my assignments nd attend work placement, then find time to bounce back nd fourth the GP, midwife, support worker, social worker nd maternity hospital. but wen i set a goal nd achieve it, even it its after the deadline its rewarding. nd college have been really supportive nd my mum too whu i was really scared to tell i was pregnant. but its such a weight off wen you tell your parents.
i have decided im taking a year out nd see how it goes...if i feel strong enough to go onto uni, nd have support i defo will... but my baby comes first regradless. good luck hun xoxoxo

 

[esther]

Hugs for you

That is good that you are booking in for an appointment, there may be a chance that they will book you as a higher risk pregnancy because you have had no antenatal care so far nor have had any ultrasounds. Apart from this they will be very happy that you have come to see them, and they should not judge you because you have not come to see them yet because everyone's situation is different.

As for your parents, you are their daughter. They may be upset or angry or disappointed or whatever but that doesn't matter hun. Perhaps you should hold off telling them until you have had your antenatal appointment and had everything confirmed with your doctor. They are your parents and they love you and they cannot escape the fact that you are having a baby, so they will have to deal with it.

At least your OH is supportive, so lean on him during these hard times.

Good luck sweetie

 

[BumbleBump]

Congratulations hun! It might not seem like it now, as everything is so scary, but your LO will probably be the best thing that ever happened to you (at least I can 100% say mine was when I fell pg while at my first year of Uni.)

As you've read the other uni thread, you probably read what I posted there - and as you said a lot of people (myself included) said how tough it was. But it is still very much worth it. Just make sure you give yourself a break when it comes to desicions etc - for me it took a lot of swallowing of pride to give up Uni for the year to have my LO, and not start again until she was 6 months (and I was 20 - so I didn't finish my degree until I was 23), especially as I had to go to the "dimstitute" instead of the actual Uni as I knew I would be able to cope better there with a LO. But I now have a degree, a good job, and most importantly a beautiful LO - and she's the thing I'm most proud of, the degree etc don't even compare for me they're only important because I can provide better for her.

I'd (personally) tell your parents sooner rather than later. My mum and grandma (no dad on the scene for me) where in shock when I told them, and very upset as I was always the typical "good girl". They thought I had ruined my life, etc etc. They were upset right until LO was born, then they realised that this was their grandchild and all that upset went away. It soon fades, so really try not to worry about it. Now, 5 years on, I actually think they are *more* proud of me than had I just got my degree at Uni.

Don't worry about going to the doctors either, they aren't there to judge and see allsorts - all that matters is the health of you and your little one. And you'll want to get that first scan in asap, it'll be something you always remember ^^

If you ever want to PM, feel free

Take care, and congrats again!

 

[maddyloves]

I'm 3rd year at uni, and when I told my tutor I was amaaazed by how nice he was, he told me his wife climbed a mountain at 36 weeks pregnant and they worked together in Israel for a year with the baby. He gives me extra help on essays too. And he offered to let me resit the second semester next year so I could have more time to prepare, but it's taking my mind off labour! I'm really pleased I'm going to finish my degree pre-baby. So maybe talk to uni, they might be really helpful.

Tell your parents soon as possible, it took me 2 weeks to tell mine, and they were really upset, but more so because I had waited. I'm getting better marks at uni this year than ever before because one shock a year is enough, it's made me soo much more dedicated, and after their shock I think they're really proud.

I hope everything goes okay =)

 

[jelly baby]

hey,

Im not pregnant but i am in my first year at uni and i hope this helps. My friend at uni started uni pregnant, she has give birth just over a month ago now. she drops her baby off at the on campus baby unit and his new born ... pretty much every university has a baby unit/nersery. Im pretty sure its free! also you can get a spechal grant if you have children this can help you out loads! go and see student finance they can help u! Its not the end of the world having a baby while at university, after all there are many others in your shoes and other older students with families. You could consider going part time as you would have to go in alot less.

You should talk to your tutor, there will deffo be something they can do to help you. dont be scared at what they think because im sure they have had people come to them many times before being in the same situation as you.

Dont drop out of your first year! its nearly over now anyway after the exams in may the first year is finshed.

gd luck !! xx