Am I being oversensitive?

[Lottie86]

Everyone in our street is very close and one of our neighbours was due today. She's had a perfectly straight forward healthy pregnancy again and has today given birth to a healthy 8lb baby girl.

She didn't have my mobile number so when she sent a mass text to everyone in the street to tell them she'd had the baby she said on the text for people to let me know. Cue me getting a load of texts from other neighbours telling me she'd had a healthy baby girl on her due date. The first text upset me enough but all the following ones really did feel like salt in the wound.

Is it just me overreacting or does it seem a bit thoughtless to ask people to tell me about her baby? If it had been the other way around and she'd had a poorly preemie I wouldn't have dreamed of doing it. I know she's obviously over the moon with her little girl but at the moment I really can't deal with pregnant people or new babies I rushed into the house the other day when I saw her as I couldn't deal with seeing her with a big bump like I should have in a few weeks

All the neighbours have been posting on her wall congratulating her on the baby which hurts as pretty much none of them did on my wall when Iona was born Plus there's all the pics going up of her cuddled up with the baby etc and I've no idea how to block her status/photos from my FB homepage.

Obviously I'm glad her baby is healthy, term and everything else as i wouldn't wish a preemie or a baby with health problems on anyone but it still bloody hurts Bleurgh I have a soggy laptop now!

 

[clairec81]

I think you've ever right to feel this way and no one could blame you. I sometimes think people are trying so hard not to offend that they go over the top and end up doing exactly that. It's not easy to forget about other people and there babies but that what you need to do. You have a wonderful son and a beautiful daughter and you need to focus on that and stay strong. Hope Iona's doing well and Finlay is enjoying being a big brother. Remember to have at least 5 minutes a day when your nothing to anyone - 5 mins for yourself.

 

[toothfairyx]

We had friends who had stillborn twins at 30 weeks 2 days before I had Jamie, and a colleague who lost her baby at 34 weeks due to placenta problems. It was awful, and as though no-one was having babies that were healthy, on time or without other complications. After Jamie was born I was quite glad to hear when other people I knew had their babies and all was OK. It was nice to know that things do go right a lot of the time even though my personal experiences were sh1t, and I tried to stay very focused that I didn't want to feel upset, envious or sensitive about anyone else's good news if that makes sense?
She's had the baby and all is well. Good for her. She's probably thought that if she made no effort to tell you, you could be upset about that too. Might have been nice if she had made a bit more effort to try to let you know directly instead of through third parties. Now put it to the back of your mind!! And to block her status updates hover over them towards the right side of the news feed and you get the option to switch her off!
Chin up xxx

 

[bob2331]

of course your not being over sensitive, not only have you not long given birth but your little girl is still in hospital.

Fair enough, she could have asked one neighbour to feel you in but not everyone.

As for facebook, im not sure how to hide status, i wish i did, i have a 'friend' who had twins at the time my boys were due, everyone commenting on her photos about how she is so lucky to have 2, an intsant family and all that and then later ones of her moaning about how having twins is! I would give my left arm to have my two boys, like you would for Iona to be home and healthy.

As easy as it is for me to say ignore it, i know its not as simple as that but just concentrate on them 2 gorgeous little children of yours xxx

 

[AP]

Lottie - go to a status of hers and hover over the top right corner of the status.
A lil cross will appear and I think the options appear there.

 

[Cazzyg]

I appreciate it's not ideal, but would you rather no-one told you and you just saw the pics on Facebook? She perhaps didn't realise that you would get multiple messages.

With prem babies, people often just don't know what the appropriate reaction is. I understand it hurts though .

 

[toothfairyx]

Hope you are feeling a bit brighter today x

 

[Lottie86]

I'm feeling slightly better now I've blocked status/photo updates from her, her husband and sister showing on my homepage. Dave bumped into her husband at the hospital last night so has said to him not to take it personally if I'm a bit off with them or ignore them for a while once her and the baby arrive home so at least they now won't be expecting me to rush out to ooooo and awww over the baby with everyone else when she gets home.

 

[cat81]

It's a difficult one this. On the one hand, I completely understand why you were upset but on the other, I am sure she didn't mean to be insensitive and probably thought you might be offended if she didn't tell you her news when she had told everyone else. I think you have done the best thing in blocking her facebook status' for the time being.

I hope you're all ok. x

 

[Foogirl]

It is a tough one.

You are not being too sensitive, you are simply reacting to something which very understandably has upset you and you are absolutely right to do that. You've got so much to deal with just now and life is so unfair when others have their perfect pregnancies and their perfect lives and their perfect children. We know that life goes on, we just don't want it to be quite so bloody happy about it.

But I will also say that I don't think she necessarily did the wrong thing, she just didn't do it the right way. If I had been in her shoes, I would probably have thought someone would be more upset if they had been left out of being told. What she should have done was get her husband to pop round and give you the news. After all, you knew she was going to have the baby.

I do take the point that people don't know what to say or do, but they should also have a pretty good idea of what not to say.

Certainly taking the decision to hide their posts and stuff is a good idea.

Big hugs from us all.

 

[PrincessPea]

Big hugs dear.

I think people just dont appreciate the range of emotions you go through when you have a preemie etc but people can be insensitive and so wrapped up in their own lives. I agree that she could have got one person to let you know and not had you get a load of messages. And the hide on fb is definitely the right thing until you are feeling stronger. I just dont think people get the total sick feeling you get in your stomach when you see pregnant people or with healthy newborns. Its not that you dont want them to its just you would give anything to have that. I have two friends who were due the same time as me and despite the fact I wouldnt have wished anything on them or for them to be going through what we were I still found it very difficult still seeing them very heavily pregnant. I still get a lump when I see pregnant ladies now as I missed out on that and may never experience it!

One of my biggest things was, and still is (and this makes me sound like a right dafty) is I cant bear to see people going into the hospital with baby balloons!!! Because I didnt get any when J was born and I know I probably would have had things been different!

Hope Iona is doing well, big hugs from us and we are all right behind you dear. xxx

 

[Scottiemum]

Its all so hard, the hospital thing, balloons etc still gets to me too...pictures on facebook leaving the hospital together. I wish that had been me. My husband feels the same too! Not just the women. Lots of my friends are having babies or had in the past year and I still get a sad feeling when I hear or get the special text I wish we had been able to send! Not that I would ever wish it on anyone but still hurts. You are not alone in these feelings!

I think you did the right thing, turning off the facebook posts until you feel you can look at them. Thinking of you and your baby girl, love her name! X

 

[Agiboma]

I agree with the other ladies is definetly difficult to read and hear about others taking their baby home while your LO is fighting for their lives in NICU, its something that i could and still have not gotten over,

 

[AuntBug]

I hope your LO comes home soon.