Am I being self centered?

[Blessedheart]

DH just accused me of being selfish meanwhile I've been feeling a lack of care from him recently. He'd always been caring and supportive until recently. He rarely asks how I'm feeling, doesn't bother about how or what I eat, drives on bumpy roads with me in the car without being extra careful, puts on the AC when I'm visibly cold, etc. The most hurtful incident happened last Saturday. I suddenly saw some brown spotting when I wiped in the morning. I immediately told him about it and we agreed I'd call the doctor later that morning. I called the doctor and he told me to just watch it and call him back if the spotting turned red. After relaying this to DH, that was the last time we talked about it. He never followed up on the spotting or on how I was feeling. He even tried to make me take a walk that same day, saying I needed the exercise, without bothering to check if I felt I was ready for that. I think the problem is because I've not been in the mood for sex and I'm always too tired to fix him dinner.
I'm sorry for the epistle, I just needed to talk to someone. What can I do?

 

[Hotbell312]

I don't think your being self-centered at all. This is a very difficult time for us and we need extra care and understanding. I would just tell him how you feel.

 

[PugLuvAh]

I don't think you're being self centered at all. At the same time I know I am more sensitive to how I perceive I'm being treated when I'm pregnant. I think I should get some consideration/appreciation for being pregnant when I get absolutely no special treatment, mainly because (despite the belly) my DH doesn't really think about me being pregnant very often.

Even though he's heard it before, he doesn't think about how tired I must be or to take extra care when saying things to be as I may be hormonal and sensitive. It honestly doesn't enter his mind. Yes of course we'll have moments where we talk about the baby and he'll have his hand on my belly, but for day-to-day interactions "my wife is pregnant, I should be more sensitive and attentive" does not really enter his mind. He treats me like he's always treated me.

Would I care about this if I wasn't pregnant? Honestly, no. We ask each other about our day, we each have our respective chores, we have a good relationship. I guess my expectation is that I think he should be more attentive, and when he's acting like he usually does, I am more sensitive and get upset when I normally wouldn't--which he finds extremely confusing, he really doesn't get pregnancy hormones...or why I'd cry if I'm tired

Anyway, self-centered you are not, but you may need to have a discussion with him about your expectations of him when you're pregnant.

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

I don't think you're being self centred no, however like a PP said perhaps have a discussion with him about the way you feel/expect you should be treated whilst being pregnant.

I'm a very independent person in the sense that I personally don't feel like I need to be mollycoddled, because essentially I'm pregnant, I'm not ill but at the same time if I felt I needed extra support I wouldn't be afraid to ask for it, and I know my DH wouldn't be afraid to step up and give me that support I'm asking for (be it washing the dishes, bathing DD, leaving me alone so I can get extra sleep etc) he just wouldn't necessarily think to do it without asking iykwim?

Must be a man thing. Have a chat with him, it's probably just a case of he doesn't realise or understand why you need extra help/attention

 

[happynewmom1]

I agree with the others. You aren't being self centered at all. But men just don't think like us... I've had to remind myself so so much that dh just simply can't read my mind to know what I'm thinking, feeling or expecting from him. Also when I'm pregnant asking myself if I'm being reasonable with expectations is important too. Dh works a lot of hours and works hard so I haven't asked him to watch the kids for me and have tried to be really relaxed with him. We both have our jobs and work hard. Having said that, I'm still hormonal sometimes... Also we have had a couple pregnancies before to work out some of this so he already knows and understands why I would say no to sex at times and doesn't get upset. I do think it's important you talk to him about these issues though. My first pregnancy was similar and I bottled it all up and was on the verge of being bitter towards him and he didn't even know why until we talked it out.

 

[Blessedheart]

Thanks ladies. I'll try to speak with him.

 

[prettybirdy27]

I had a revelation lately - I realized that pregnancy is harder on our partners than we think. We are going through a really tough time and require extra care, 100%, but it also puts a lot of pressure and stress on them to act as caregivers to us. My husband told me the other day that he struggles with seeing how much pain I'm in with the pregnancy since there isn't a way he can really help. So I do urge you to think about how you're treating him at this time as well. You mentioned that he doesn't do things like following up with you regarding how you're feeling - do you follow up with him and make sure he's okay too?

If there's a time in our lives where we can be a little more focused on our needs than anyone else's, it's definitely pregnancy. However he's your partner too, and he may be feeling like he's being ignored. I'm not saying that you can't need a little extra TLC during this time - you are absolutely entitled to extra care. I'm just saying make sure you throw some love his way too, and let him know he's appreciated.