Am I being silly?

[missbabypo]

Me and OH don't live together so I know that he won't be here all the time and I'm used to that but over the last few days it has really annoyed me a bit£

He has taken two weeks off of work as holiday as he isn't entittled to paternity leave. The first few days were great and he was always here and helping out with Riley and Louie. After about 4 days he started slacking and if I was in the kitchen and Louie was crying he wouldn't pick him up but just keep saying 'sssshh Louie' until I came in and get him. On Saturday he went to the pub to watch the football so I stayed at my mums with the boys for the night, he came home with us on Sunday saying that he had to go home Monday to sort some bills out which I can understand. He left about 2pm on Monday with the promise that he would be back by 12 on Tuesday so I could go to the midwife without Riley but he rang and said he was busy. Riley wanted to ring OH on Tuesday afternoon so I let him, OH was on the pub after saying he was too busy to come over!

Had a nightmare niht last night. Louie wouldn't settle and then both the boys were up at 545am. OH rang this morning. He is going shopping with a friend and then out for his friends birthday tonight so we won't see him again today. I can understand going out for his friends birthday but I really would have thouht he would make an effort to see his kids first.

I know I'm prob just being over sensative but these two weeks were supposed to be for him to bond with Louie and help me out a bit. It just seems like two weeks off work to do whatever he wants is more what he had in mind.

Sorry for the selfpitying rant!x

 

[shellie82]

think id be annoyed too, can i ask why you dont live together?? if you think im being rude and nosey then just say

he has responsibilities whether he lives with you or not and he needs to fulfill these!!

 

[minties]

You're not being silly, I would be very peeved!

P.S do people hang out at pubs like on Coronation Street, for real?

 

[winterleaves]

that's not on. I would have a calm chat with him, explaining that you need his help, wnith chores and the children and why (rather then sound like u are nagging) after-all they are his kids too . xx

 

[missbabypo]

Haha Shellie. It is a pretty weird situation to be fair. It may not make any sense but here goes:

OH was my supervisor when I work at a supermarket inbetween jobs. When I left after a month I saw him on a bus on my way into town for a night out and managed to convince him to come meet me later. One thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together and were seeing eachother for a few weeks. He even met my mum. I ended up pregnant and told him. He wanted me to get rid of the baby but I said no because a lot of women in my family have fertility problems and as selfish as it sounds I wasn't giving up what could have been my once chance of being a mum. He told me he never wanted to hear from me again and wanted nothing today with the baby. I did as he said and I went throuh the whole pregnancy alone. When Riley was 2 weeks old I decided I would tell OH that he was here, I didn't want anything from him I just couldn't live with myself knowing that I hadn't even told him. He wanted to meet him and things were very rocky until Riley was 6months old when he finally got his act together. I had my own place by then. If you ask him he will say we are just good friends but its more than that. We have a relationship without the title and we live separately. It works for us but does mean that I am more or less a single mother as when he is working sometimes he will only see the kids once a week, if that.

Sorry that was a very long explaination lol.

 

[Carlyp1990]

Sounds like the situation between me n OH if im honest, if u find a way to fix it plz let me know x

 

[shellie82]

well he definitely needs to decide if he wants to be a dad hun because its not fair to come and go as he pleases!! your both parents and he needs to realise that x

 

[missbabypo]

Minties: Yup. Seems to be a very blokey thing that he likes to do. Before we had Louie I went a few times if mum was looking after Riley but standing at a bar talking about football and building work isn't really my cup of tea.

Winterleaves: I hate asking him for his help. I managed fine on my own until Riley was 6 months so just feel if I ask now its like I can't cope. I don't even ask him for money unless I am completely broke and the kids need nappies. I'm not working so money is very very tight but I would rather go without myself than ask for help!

 

[missbabypo]

CarlyP do you ever feel like you are just there until he finds someone else? This is the thing that gets me down the most, that he is here now but won't always be x

 

[missbabypo]

I should also point out that I am 22 but OH is 30. He should be out of this no responsibilty phase by now surely

 

[Lellow]

I should also point out that I am 22 but OH is 30. He should be out of this no responsibilty phase by now surely

Oh dear....If it makes you feel any better, your not alone in how hes behaving, it seems to be a common occurence amongst blokes so dont feel to disheartened.
I was lucky cos DH had just started his job so wasnt entitled to paternity leave so i only had him home for 3 days which was great cos it meant i could do my own thing without having an EXTRA big baby at home to worry about

As for the age thing....If a guy is mature, he will be whether hes 30 or 13.
And if he isnt, then i guess its about patience...

Maybe have a chat about things? Maybe things would be different if you explained your expectations of him from the off-set as sometimes they need it written out in black and white!

 

[pinkie77]

I think maybe part of the problem is in your explanation honey. As far as he's concerned, he's still single with a nice little family he can go and play daddies with when it suits him. It's not fair on you or your boys but he's not going to change while he's getting it all his own way. Sorry Hun, jmho

 

[Kimboowee]

That would piss me off slighty!
I was the same as Lellow, OH only had 4 days off, a blessing in some ways!

 

[Kimboowee]

I think maybe part of the problem is in your explanation honey. As far as he's concerned, he's still single with a nice little family he can go and play daddies with when it suits him. It's not fair on you or your boys but he's not going to change while he's getting it all his own way. Sorry Hun, jmho

I agree with that too ^
Would living together be an option?

 

[missbabypo]

Livin together isn't an option, he has his step dad living with him who is an alcoholic, I hate being around him at all so no way could live with them. OH feels responsible for him since his mum passed away because his step dad was the main provider in the family until he started drinking.

Yea I suppose he has the best of both worlds, single but with me and the kids there when he needs support but I've tried bringing it up before and its just started arguments and he disappears for a few days and I end up feeling so guilty because Riley misses him and asks for daddy.

I think I'm just having a massive pity party today aren't I x

 

[Carlyp1990]

CarlyP do you ever feel like you are just there until he finds someone else? This is the thing that gets me down the most, that he is here now but won't always be x

sometimes yea i do hun, he is a very honest person and has promised me that he would never want someone else, but it still doesnt stop me thinking that. especially when he works with load of girls his age who he seems to talk about alot xx

 

[kelly29]

men!!! dick head! i hate the way the have there cake and eat it!!! always!! i don't think your being silly at all! i would be pissed off too i hope you can make him take a bit more responsibility, even make him have the kids!! x