Am I being unreasonable?

[AppleBlossom]

My OH works stupidly long hours pretty much everday. He's a supervisor at a hotel although that's just a part time job until he starts his graduate one in September. He does the cooking because I'm hopeless and he likes to cook, also he does a lot of the cleaning because he is obssessed with everything being clean and tidy. When he's in work I do bits and bobs like washing, ironing, tidying up, washing dishes etc. But for the last few weeks (and even more so now) I have had terrible back and pelvic pain and find it hard to stand for more than 5 minutes without being in pain. So doing housework is agony. I haven't been doing a lot of ironing because I have to stand for a long time but I make sure he always has a shirt for work apart from maybe 1 or 2 occasions. The place is never a mess when he gets in although it may not have been scrubbed from top to bottom with bleach and stuff everyday like he likes. But lately he is constantly pointing things out like, oh I see you haven't done the ironing again etc. I just feel like, because he's always working I should have everything done for when he gets back but at almost 40 weeks pregnant it's becoming so difficult. Am I being unreasonable?

 

[Beltane]

No way. Im only in my first tri and housework has been put on the backburner because of massive fatigue. So what if the ironing sits? Im sure if you sat down with him and explained how difficult it is for you, he would understand. I try and do as much as I can sitting down like folding laundry, sewing, paying bills. Maybe the two of you can come up with simple tasks around the house that only requires sitting.

 

[AppleBlossom]

The thing is he is not a very sympathetic person. He doesn't believe in pain lol when I say to him I didn't do something because my back is hurting or whatever he says things like, oh yeah I forgot you're ill with the pregnancy bug and you're going to be crap in labour if you're in pain now and when I'm ill he says I'm being dramatic. I can't get him to understand which is even more frustrating and then that makes me feel worse because I feel like I should stop whinging about being in pain and just get on with it

 

[sam's mum]

You're not being unreasonable at all! You're just about to give birth! I stopped ironing anything at least a month before Sam was born, and only did enough housework to make sure the place was clean (we'd moved house when I was 7 months pregnant so I thought I deserved a rest!)

Put your feet up, relax and tell your OH that at least until your baby is born, he can do the housework if what you've been doing isn't good enough!

 

[moomin_troll]

I no im being unfair to my partner because hes always done more cooking that me because he used to be a chef n im lazy lol and for the last few months hes been off work with a mistery illness hospital is so rubbish dont no whats wrong with him and because he doesnt moan when hes in alot of pain like i do i expect him to do alot more than me because im at work and hes not.
As the time has gone by and im gettin bigger and my back hurts more i do less lol

I feel awful but thing is being at the stage we are isnt fun and i get tired doing nothing let alone the housework.

If your OH wants to do it then thats ok and you are doing your bit too!!

Dont worry im sure your not as demanding as me lol

 

[carries]

Get him one of those pregnancy bellys!!! YOU can only do what you can do hun, dont beat yourself up about it. xx

 

[AppleBlossom]

He's said he's getting fed up of having to work all day and then come home and do everything. I do what I can but it's not much. I can see where he's coming from

 

[Beltane]

When he watches you push that LO out, he'll be apologizing and kissing your butt for being such an amazing Woman!

 

[AppleBlossom]

Lol he'll probably tell me to stop screaming. I'm making him out to be this horrible monster but he is the lovliest person and he does a lot for me which is why I feel so bad because I don't do as much for him

 

[moomin_troll]

He's said he's getting fed up of having to work all day and then come home and do everything. I do what I can but it's not much. I can see where he's coming from

GIive him a slap! Your having his baby and its bloody hard work!

Just point out that you do things around the place just because he does more means nothing atm and soon remind him he will have more to do when your so tired from looking after a new born baby!

Men =

 

[AppleBlossom]

I have a sink full of dirty dishes to do as well as a big ironing pile and I literally cannot move from this sofa! He'll be home in a few hours and he'll be annoyed if I don't at least do the dishes cause they're from last night and I said I'd do them today. Grr

 

[bumpity]

I'm sorry he's not being very sympathetic. I'm only in week 10, but have been so ill that I've stopped working and don't manage to get any cooking or housework done. I used to do everything prior to being pg so I feel bad and poor hubbie is doing absolutely everything. But he doesn't mind because he understands

a. it's temporary
b. it's in the pursuit of a bigger aim (chidlren)
c. I can't help it

I found that by reading the pg books together he realises that this is normal (fatigue, stress, tiredness and illness of all variety) and that makes it slightly more 'medical'.

could you be at a midwife appointment together where she makes a point about your pain and how he can help????

Good luck - not long to go now

 

[Whisper]

aww hun its tough when men are really unsympathetic, but if standing is causing you pain then thats a sign that you shouldn't be over doing it.

At my parentcraft class, the MW got out some icepops and every person was given one to squeeze really tightly for 1min....easy you think.....oh no it was really painful! Maybe you should get him to try that but for 2mins without talking or any distractions, ask him if it was painful (it will be im sure!). Maybe then he can sympathise a little!

It might work, i dunno but worth a try if he will co-operate.

 

[pocahontas35]

Just wait until the baby arrives! It is more exhausting then. He needs to get prepared for things not being perfect. I also have an OH that is a bit obsessive/compulsive when it comes to cleanliness. He has had to learn that I am not his personal cleaning woman/slave. And I stay at home while he works. There are some days I just lounge around a lot. But, he doesn't have to change all the diapers, answer the "whys" 24 hours a day, put the kids to bed, be a taxi driver, take the kids to the dr., etc.. My OH has learned that he better not complain, b/c then he gets to hear my complaints about all I have to do, all the pain I get to bear, all the hours I spend w/out adult interaction, etc. I hope you can talk to him and get him to realize that having a baby is going to require a lot of compromise.

 

[Hollys_Twinny]

Thing I've learnt wiv my fella is- The more I do, the more he expects...so now I do sod all lol..!

 

[Beltane]

Blame it on us Bex! Just tell him your pregnant online friends advised you to rest!!! Ha!

 

[PeanutBean]

Aw, it's rubbish he's being so unsympathetic. My DH works way longer hours than me and has done all the cleaning and everything since I first got sick at 6 weeks. I have ironed twice (once being yesterday - the first time in 2 months); washed up once; swept the kitchen floor once; cleaned the bathroom three times (excluding the shower); and walk the dogs most days. I do the washing but he has to carry the basket for me. I often feel guilty because the house is not looking great (though he keeps our head above water) but he always tells me I have much harder work to do making the baby.

I think men, and even women who haven't been pregnant (including me before) have no idea how hard it is having your whole body painfully rearranged whilst you try and live and work in it. No it's not an illness, but if you ask me it's worse than anything I've ever had before! If he won't accept your own experience of what you're going through at least don't bother feeling guilty! He'll definitely see a different side of it when you go through labour. And don't listen to him about being rubbish in the birth, it's a totally different experience. In pregnancy we have this ongoing niggly aching and rearranging but the labour will be a weird intense thing that won't last for 9 months even though it is much more painful. My mum says you go into another world and I can imagine that.

Hope you're ok!

 

[AppleBlossom]

Ok so last night I ironed OH's shirt for work today and hung it up. Later on he went to the wardrobe and took it out and said, this is the wrong one. So I offered to iron another one and he said, no I'll do one in the morning. So I said, well I don't know what shirts are right and wrong, they're just shirts to me. Then he went to the ironing and picked out another one and said 'there's loads of proper ones in here' so I said I didn't realise and he went 'well if you did some f**cking ironing once in a while you'd know wouldn't you?' so I told him I'd do it tomorrow and then he started whinging saying, Oh I'll just do it like I do everything else. So I told him to shut up. Then when I got into bed he said, why don't you just sit down and do the ironing? On what?? We only have stools with no back. Why doesn't he understand that I'm uncomfy and in pain as it is and standing makes it worse because of all the pressure on my back, pelvis and legs? Grrr

 

[PeanutBean]

'well if you did some f**cking ironing once in a while you'd know wouldn't you?'

I'm sorry, but if my OH said that to me I'd be inclined to lamp him with the iron. For sure I would refuse to do anymore until he learned how to be more appreciative. Try kicking him in the nuts and see if he'd like a stool to sit on while doing the ironing...

You're growing a whole new person for F's sake! Does he think it's a walk in the park?

 

[AppleBlossom]

Apparently so!