Am I horrible?

[Vickieh1981]

I was talking to my friend yesterday about how I feel and said I must sound like a cow and she didn't correct me so just wondered what others thought.

At the beginning of December I lost a baby at 4+5. I knew I was pg for 5 days but never felt it and wasn't hugely surprised although upset when I lost it.

I fell pg with Isabella two weeks later and obviously lost her just into the second trimester.

I consider myself to have five children not six because I just can't see the early baby in the same way (I know some people do and that is a very personal thing to them).

I don't really think about it much and am not dreading the due date or anything. I think about Isabella all the time and always go to bed looking at her photos.

I feel so guilty about this that I don't feel much towards the early one. Until I lost Isabella I was really upset about it but it doesn't seem as raw since losing her.

Am I heartless to feel this way?

 

[NatoPMT]

Vic, youre allowed to feel however you feel, no one has a right to judge who you are or what effects your losses have had on you

i mmcd at 11 weeks, and i was aware that it wasnt a 'baby' i lost (which was 7 weeks). more my dreams and hopes and now have the fear it will never happen for me - that is how i deal with it, how you deal with it is personal and individual to you - had i felt my baby move before the mc, i might also have felt how you feel about Isabella, but i didnt. Also, i know lots of bumpers do feel about their early losses how you feel about your later loss, that doesnt mean you dont understand that - its about feelings and you can relate to the feeling, just under your personal circumstance

i have to undergo psychotherapy for my course, and my therapist was very specific in saying i hadn't lost a baby, that mightve really hurt me, but as i sort of agreed, it didnt upset me - im sure theres lots of women on here that her comment would have broken their hearts, and im sure theres lots that dont agree, but thats because their loss is theirs and your loss is yours.

 

[debgreasby]

You are not horrible. You are perfectly entitled to your feelings. We are all individuals xxx

 

[bat8301]

You are not horrible at all! Think how much longer you had to bond with Isabella. She was your baby for at least four months, you may have felt her move, you had hopes and dreams for her. Don't feel bad for one second.

 

[aussiettc]

your not horrible. i'm a big believer it thing happen for a reason, but a loss is something that is very personal to everyone. I had a loss at about 14 weeks when i was 16 and don't think about it very much at all which makes me feel bad, but my latest lost was only 5ish weeks and i felt that one alot. i think it has to do with the way you felt and bonded when you were pregnant.

hope this helps