Am I just being hormonal, or...

[BadMamaJAMA]

Pretty much no one in my family has called me since I announced my pregnancy.

I went home a few weeks ago and announced to everyone, and my mom seemed really excited. In fairness, she asked for a weekly bump picture, and does email occasionally to ask how I'm feeling.

But my dad and my brothers seem really weirded out by my pregnancy. No one has called me to check on me.

I guess everyone's really busy, and I'm just being hormonal? Or should they be calling me?

Should I call them?

 

[Emma&Freya]

I dont think men tend to call uo about pregnancy to be honest!

I get pissed off that noone has asked about this pregnancy, first pregnancy they did though!

 

[wannabubba#4]

The thing with pregnancy is, when it happens to you it is all time consuming and the biggest thing ever; whereas for other people life goes on as normal, and they wont even realise how much time as passed and they haven't spoken to or seen you. I am sure they are really happy for you and excited for you and as the months go by you will see it more and more xxx

My sis popped in the other day, and saw my bump exclaimed ''wow look the size you have gotten; I had totally forgotten you were pregnant!!'' Forgotten! Cheers sis lol - It had been maybe 5/6 weeks since I told her lol, maybe she has early stage dementia lmao

 

[AC1987]

Sounds typical about men... some can get pretty awkward about it all. Even my dh is immature about me being pregnant I think they just handle it differently.

 

[sojourn]

Boys are weird!

Is it the first baby in the family? Do your brothers have kids? Sometimes they're extra weird if they know nothing about babies.

My brothers never call or anything. The brother that is the closest to me asks how I am, but he has 7 month old son, so he's very aware of pregnancy at the moment. My dad asks how I am when we do our usual chatting. Usually to have an excuse to make a terrible pun!

It's not as real to them at first.

 

[BadMamaJAMA]

Thanks, all!

Yes, this is the first grandchild/niece/nephew. I hope you all are right and they just don't know how to talk about it.

I'm worried because it all happened really fast, so I feel like they're judging me. My DH and I have been together for a year and just got married last week. We eloped - just us - and no one has actually called me since. My mom and my best friend sent a card, which was really sweet. Everyone else responded to an email full of pictures I sent. My oldest brother said:

"Holy frijole. Chunx you are a maniac. I love you."

Yes, my nickname is Chunx, but more importantly... I'm a maniac?! I guess that's an adequate substitute for "Congratulations," on some planets...

I'm probably reading WAY too much into this, but I feel like they're judging me for doing things differently than they would have planned. That's the thing: this wasn't planned. So, sometimes you have to go with the flow and start your domestic life earlier than you thought you would. I always wanted to be a mom, and I'm THRILLED that it's happening for me now.. with this guy...

But I don't feel like they're happy for me.

None of this craziness would be racing through my hormonal little mind if someone would just CALL ME every now and again to ask, "How's it going?" So I guess I'll call them... and ask about their lives... and hope they think to ask me about that new husband I have and that baby I'm about to have...

Sheesh.

 

[sojourn]

I think your brother's note was cute. That's a very boy/brother version of congratulations. Plus he's considering your getting married and having a baby basically all in one go. Might be a lot for him to process and his note sounds like his version of congratulations. It sounds precisely like what my brothers would say!

When I told my other brother I was engaged he said "Well, that dude is the perfect height for you".
Amazing, right? He said literally nothing else. When I told him I was pregnant he said "About time" and "If you're gonna spew...spew in this" (a much quoted Wayne's World reference)

ETA: I think this is a mom thing. IDK about your family, but we are very matriarchal. If people aren't doing what you want, you call their mama". I'd tell you mom "Thanks for the card. You know, dad and the boys haven't really talked to me. I might be crazy, but it makes me feel like they aren't happy for me." Your mom (if she's like mine) will probably remind them that they need to step up their game. Especially your dad.

 

[BadMamaJAMA]

I think your brother's note was cute. That's a very boy/brother version of congratulations. Plus he's considering your getting married and having a baby basically all in one go. Might be a lot for him to process and his note sounds like his version of congratulations. It sounds precisely like what my brothers would say!

When I told my other brother I was engaged he said "Well, that dude is the perfect height for you".
Amazing, right? He said literally nothing else. When I told him I was pregnant he said "About time" and "If you're gonna spew...spew in this" (a much quoted Wayne's World reference)

Ha, your brother sounds awesome.

 

[sojourn]

He is a combo of awesome and the biggest jerkface in the world. Maybe all big brothers are like that. My little brothers are much more loving and nice.

 

[BadMamaJAMA]

When my oldest brother (the one who called me Chunx and a maniac) found out, he was TERRIFIED. It was super weird. He said, "Aren't you scared?" And I said "Of the physical part, sure." And he said "I meant of the next 30 years."

He and I are fundamentally different on this point, and I think we will continue to be fundamentally different until he starts a family. He's a party animal and a commitment-phobe. I don't think it's easy for him to digest that his YOUNGER sister is settling down and starting a family when that sounds like the scariest thing in the world for him.

My other brother went through the "formalities" of telling me congratulations, and accepted his role as godfather. However, he was disappointed that I called him to tell him while he was at work (for the record, I assumed he'd be at my dad's house when everyone else was there, and then didn't want him to find out from someone else).

When we did see each other, he seemed to have some really weird ideas of what makes someone a good potential parent. He half-joked that he'd never want a girl because "they get pregnant." And, when we talked about my dad and stepmom (who are also expecting), his reasoning for why he's OK with their new baby is that "They're in a good financial position."

Oh. Ok. So I (hormonally) take from that whole interaction that he doesn't approve of my pregnancy because I'm not in as good a financial position... and because it wasn't planned. Guess my parents shouldn't have had a girl!

 

[sojourn]

That was a pretty dick thing to say about your finances. Have you pointed out that lots of people have had lots of babies in less than ideal circumstances that turned out just fine?

You can tell him that my mom got knocked up twice in high school, lived in a house without running water. Fast forward 32 years, my parents (though they got divorced) both graduated college and remarried. All four kids in my family have grown up and graduated college. Two of them have master's degrees from prestigious universities. 3 have happy and successful marriages and all have children. One of them has 6 children and does just fine supporting them on the income of a landscaper.

My best friend in high school, however, has two married parents who were married for years before they got pregnant. They both had successful, lucrative careers. Their family wanted for nothing. My friend is nearly thirty, still lives at home. She finished school with a useless liberal arts degree and can't hold onto a job because she is lazy, entitled and prone to magical migraines that only strike when there's something around she doesn't want to do. She lived on her own for two years and racked up $60k in debt (during this time she was given $10k in cash and about $10k in jewelry and heirlooms when her grandmother died. All of which she spent). She also has about $50k in student loan debt despite having a 100% tuition scholarship to undergrad. She started and quit two master's degrees and spent the money on Coach bags and an elaborate apartments. Her brother, while becoming successful, has a possession charge that interfered with his college plans and dated a girl who was so crazy that she threw a lot of false charges and litigation at him. His parents drained their savings paying for attorneys.

So, can't be a good parent without good finances? Tell your brother I said SUCK IT! I know tons of totally screwed up rich kids and lots of totally fine poor kids.

To be fair- I have made the "because they get pregnant" joke/not joke about a million times. It's a crass way of expressing how terrifying the world is for girls and how ill prepared I feel to help them through it.

ETA- Also I say things like "suck it"...so any poor girls raised by me would stand no chance of being a genteel lady

 

[BadMamaJAMA]

Any girls raised by you are very lucky girls indeed.

Your best friend sounds a lot like my ex-husband. Helicopter parents... failure to launch.

My brother means well. He feels a LOT of pressure to make money, for some reason. When we talked about whether he would marry his girlfriend, it all came down to finances. They wanted to be at a certain level of employment and have their debts paid off first before they "joined bank accounts."

I'm not saying money isn't important. For what it's worth--I'm not in a terrible spot. Between the two of us, we actually make six figures. Too bad that doesn't go very far where we live...which is why we're thinking about moving to where I'm from after Peanut gets here.

BUT there are much more important things than money. We both want to take care of a baby, to nurture him or her emotionally and physically, and to be there for him or her forever. Money can't buy that desire.

 

[sojourn]

My friend is just that. Funnily enough, after all of her brother's trouble, they basically disowned him and he has begun to flourish. He's lived on his own since he was 18 and is in engineering school now.

I'm glad I got to watch that over-achiever parenting in action. I can see why people are tempted by it. Looking at my generation and the ones after, the kids are super screwed up the more their parents coddled them and solved their problems. I am way relieved to be one of a bunch of kids in a house where everyone was concerned with putting food on the table. We all had to figure out how to solve our own problems.

What the what?
6 figures is absolutely crazy where I live. My husband makes right at $40k. I only work part time, most of my money goes to fun stuff and savings. I will keep doing my phone sex gig after the baby gets here (when my husband's around to help) and then I'll go back to pre-school teaching part time after a few months. It's not hard at all. We're already really frugal, but even at that low rate, we want for nothing.

If you want to live in a GREAT place and get lot of bang for your buck, move to Gainesville, Florida. It's dirt cheap. We have a major university and then we have a large bastion of tech-related start ups (video game development, apps etc.). It's the bee's knees!

As far as girls raised by me- they'll be lucky if they get to turn into sarcastic, whiskey swigging, football watching, pool sharks that scream at refs on tv with a sense of humor that waffles between gross and dry. If they are normal girls that have to grow up with that crazy lady as a mom, she'll be scarred for life!

 

[BadMamaJAMA]

Funny you should mention that! Top on our list is Athens, Georgia, where I went to school. I work in communications, and he works in IT, so we're hoping we can get a job at the University.

When I was in grad school there, I lived in a three-bedroom house with hardwood floors, for which I paid $750/mo.

Now I'm in the DC metro area. I dare you to Google what a two-bedroom apartment costs. So, we're waiting until Peanut (can't have a lapse in insurance...) and then we're out.

 

[sojourn]

Nice! I have family in Athens. It's a pretty sweet town. I love Gainesville more, but it's a good alternative.

You can buy a house here for $60k EASY. We are renting, and the prices of houses have gone up a little in the last few years, but it's still consistently cheap. We have an adorable two bedroom in a beautiful neighborhood for $625.

Before I met my husband, I was looking at places to move and teach. D.C. was on the list (I had a lot of friends there). When I saw the housing prices I laughed iced coffee through my nose. It was immediately off of the list just on principle!

 

[luz]

No one ever asks me about my pregnancy. I went on vacation to disneyland a few weeks ago and my FIL kept asking me why i wasn't riding any of the big rides. i just looked at him really wierd and said, i'm pregnant - remember?! Seriously though, two or three times a day that happened! I feel like maybe they just don't care as much about the pregnancy but when the baby actually gets here they will have something to be excited about?

I really have no idea, but i found that interesting as well that it seems like no one really cares except my husband and me. even when i try to tell people about it, like my mom or brothers they just kind of say like, 'oh cool' and don't really probe or want to know any more.

 

[BadMamaJAMA]

I'm sorry you're going through that, Luz.

Maybe you should talk to your family? I sent my mom an email to vent and we talked about how everyone is coming from a different perspective on this. Made me feel a lot better, actually.

But I agree with you, once there's an actual baby to hold and to look at, everyone will care a lot more audibly.

 

[luz]

I'm sorry you're going through that, Luz.

Maybe you should talk to your family? I sent my mom an email to vent and we talked about how everyone is coming from a different perspective on this. Made me feel a lot better, actually.

But I agree with you, once there's an actual baby to hold and to look at, everyone will care a lot more audibly.

It's really okay and doesn't bother me too much. I know they all care. i'm not the type of person who wants or needs to be the center of attention. I'm a pretty private person and actually its nice not to have people wanting to feel baby move or touch my belly all the time.

 

[lunarsea]

No one has really called me too often about this pregnancy, last time I never stopped getting calls about my pregnancy.
I figure they're just busy or they think that, since I've already done this before, I don't need as much checking on as I did before, which is not entirely true, but oh well.
I wouldn't take it too personally, though, they may just be busy or just not know how to approach you about the topic.

 

[Justagirlxx]

Thanks, all!

Yes, this is the first grandchild/niece/nephew. I hope you all are right and they just don't know how to talk about it.

I'm worried because it all happened really fast, so I feel like they're judging me. My DH and I have been together for a year and just got married last week. We eloped - just us - and no one has actually called me since. My mom and my best friend sent a card, which was really sweet. Everyone else responded to an email full of pictures I sent. My oldest brother said:

"Holy frijole. Chunx you are a maniac. I love you."

Yes, my nickname is Chunx, but more importantly... I'm a maniac?! I guess that's an adequate substitute for "Congratulations," on some planets...

I'm probably reading WAY too much into this, but I feel like they're judging me for doing things differently than they would have planned. That's the thing: this wasn't planned. So, sometimes you have to go with the flow and start your domestic life earlier than you thought you would. I always wanted to be a mom, and I'm THRILLED that it's happening for me now.. with this guy...

But I don't feel like they're happy for me.

None of this craziness would be racing through my hormonal little mind if someone would just CALL ME every now and again to ask, "How's it going?" So I guess I'll call them... and ask about their lives... and hope they think to ask me about that new husband I have and that baby I'm about to have...

Sheesh.

Maybe its more about the fact that you eloped than that you are pregnant? Personally I think my family would have disowned me had I eloped and not told them I was getting married and then showed up and announced a pregnancy. That's a lot of surprise for them to handle and maybe some of them feel left out that you didnt tell them you were getting married and that they couldnt be at your wedding.