am i over reacting??

[klouise1993]

Hey guys basically I just want your advice to know if I'm over reacting or not as my oh thinks I am. Basically I'm just coming up to 7 weeks and this is my second pregnancy (the first one ended in a miscarriage) so as you can imagine I want to enjoy and relax this time around no stress or anything. Long story short my oh sister has split up with her oh and has moved back in with her mom with her 2 kids one a couple of months old and the other 4 years old and now that she only lives about 10 minutes away she's constantly asking if she can come over all the time and she stops till God knows what time and I always get left out completely when she's round (in my own home bare in mind) am I over reacting about it am I wrong to want to spend this pregnancy relaxing than running around after a kid that isn't even mine who completely trashes the place (I'm a little bit ocd so as you can imagine this is rather hard for me) I've said I don't want her round because of all these reasons but my oh thinks I'm over reacting about it my question is am I? Sorry I'm just getting really pissed off with it now and the fact my oh never even ran it past me is making me more pissed off!!! Xxx

 

[klouise1993]

?

 

[littlejune]

It's hard to know how we feel sometimes with hormones raging! I think it's perfectly reasonable of you to want to have some down time because we're all exhausted building those babies. Maybe tell OH that when she's here he's in charge of her kids and cleaning up after them? Maybe then he won't be so fond of the idea of her coming by all the time either.

 

[3liz]

I don't think you are overreacting. It is perfectly normal for you to want to relax and enjoy your pregnancy without having to take care about someone else's problems.
Your OH should definitly asks you if that's ok with you, it is your home too!
I hope you'll find a solution soon!

 

[MamaLoCo]

So if they are leaving you out, then go relax in a different room. After a while, come out and ask the child to clean up after him/herself. Perhaps that will make the mom feel a little bit guilty and she'll keep a better eye on her own child. Some moms actually start to pay attention when someone else is having to step up to teach or discipline their kids. You're not stepping out of place either because it's your home.

 

[Mississippi03]

I think its fine for you to want some down time... But i think you need to respect him to.. Its his sister, shes going through a hard time..

 

[spunky84]

I think he should be allowed to have his sister over; however, I also think he should run it by you, and even then, she should be gone by a certain time.

We rarely have company, but in the event that DH wants someone over, he just runs it by me to see what I think. Normally I really don't care, but on the off chance I'm not in the mood for company that day, he respects that and plans for a different day.

I think that it's unreasonable for her to be over 24/7, but I also think it's not reasonable to not have her over. It sounds like she's having a tough time and is needing support.

I just think you and your OH need to communicate more about this situation. When is it okay for her to be over, when she should leave, etc. I think there just really needs to be a compromise and some boundaries. From what I gather of your post, it doesn't sound like you're objecting to her being there, but more or less how often and when, the mess, etc.

 

[TTC First]

I agree with spunky84. Maybe your OH is saying that you are over reacting because you are saying that you don't want her over. Maybe come up with a plan with your OH, she can come over on Friday evenings from 5-7pm. Something like that. If he finds it not to be enough, maybe 2 days per week at a set time and you can go relax the one day and stay with them on the other day.

I do find that it is unacceptable that you are being ignored, DH really needs to address that one.

Also, I feel that if he is going to have his family over it is his responsibility to ensure that the kids clean up before they leave. You should not have to clean up after they leave.

 

[Christi85]

Ok, here are my thoughts:
I haven't been feeling particularly 'social' during this pregnancy. I prefer to spend quiet evenings with DH, so from that point of view, I understand you completely for wanting to take it easy, relax etc.

Now, of course your oh needs to be able to see his sister whenever he wants to, but how about he goes to visit HER instead of her coming over to your place? At least for a few weeks, until you're more up to entertaining people again and staying up later. Another alternative would be to continue to allow the visits to take place, but as soon as you feel tired, politely excuse yourself, explain how you are exhausted (she has kids, so she's been pregnant and knows how it is, so I doubt she'd get offended) and need some R&R and just go to bed.

Re her child trashing the place, this needs to be an agreement with your oh. If he wants her to continue to come over, either SHE needs to clean after her kid, or HE does it after they leave. But YOU shouldn't have to do it, or run after the kid for that matter. It's not your responsibility. And of course, you always need to know that she's coming in advance. Sounds like it's an annoying situation right now, but hopefully a little honest discussion with your oh will bring a better balance between what he wants and what you need.

 

[AnnieMac2]

You're not overreacting. If she's your husband's guest, he should be doing any running around and cleaning. I don't get why this is all falling on you when you have legitimate extra needs right now. I totally agree with the idea of the sister hosting visits at her place more often.

 

[MamaBunny2]

Girl I don't think you're overreacting at all! If it were me I'd be super annoyed! I would say that he should go visit her (and include you as well, if you would like to go) and limit the amount of time she's spending at your house with her kids. And when she IS over she needs to keep an eye on her kids and make it as little of an inconvenience as possible. It shouldn't create extra hassle or work for you, your partner needs to be more sensitive to your feelings and needs right now in my opinion. Good luck!