Am I too attatched??

[babymumm]

Hi.im a single mother to my beautiful son who is 6 months old.i ebf and am a bit of an attachment parent,as in I would never let him cio,i hold him alot I always respond to his cries n genrally just try to be as attentative and nurturing as possible..yet I am told by his father n some other various people that I will make him too clingy and I'm too attatched!? In my opinion you should be attatched to your child..from what I have researched being attatched now will actually make him MORE independant when older..just wanred some others opinions..have you been a "attatched parent"? Has your child grown independant,or very clingy..

I also find it near impossible to hear/let him cry..anyone else?

Should I sometimes let him cry a little now?as I dont know what age babies start to cry just so u come running..i always respond very quickly to him..and I feel this is right..just looking for some more experienced mothers opinions...maybe I am too attatched..he is my world x thanks in advance

 

[Mummy1995]

Keep doing what you're doing!! I'm still BF, I baby wear an I co sleep I certainly haven't and will never use a crying sleep method an I don't let her cry either. It's just the way I'm comfortable with I'm constantly being told 'shell never sleep in her own bed' 'she's clingy' blah blah. I don't care. It's good for them to know you'll respond to their cries. After all it's the only way they can communicate with us right now! Ignoring them now will just, imo make them think we will ignore them when they can communicate and will eventually end up with a child who won't tell us anything. Again just my opinion!

There is a lot of psychological research to suggest a securely attached baby becomes an independent and confident adult compared to those that may be classed as insecurely attached. My baby definitely does have some clingy days/times (today in fact) but its mostly whn she's teething or ill. And yes she does have some stranger danger and has wobbles if she's given to someone she doesnt know/hasn't seen in a while. But in some ways that's a good thing as it means she wouldn't happily go off with anyone if they lured her away! But I think she's very independent. She could spend hours playing by herself happily if I left her, she prefers to do a lot by herself too like feed herself and hold her cups etc. but she still loves a mummy/nanny/auntie/grandad cuddle

If you're happy with how you're doing it then carry on and just ignore everyone else. If they say something attacking your techniques simply reply with something like 'I might try that next time' or 'ill bare that in mind' etc you're doing great xx

By the way just to clarify. I in no way think my techniques are superior or the right way to do things and am not attacking people who do things differently by my reply. Just stating what is best for us x

 

[babymumm]

Keep doing what you're doing!! I'm still BF, I baby wear an I co sleep I certainly haven't and will never use a crying sleep method an I don't let her cry either. It's just the way I'm comfortable with I'm constantly being told 'shell never sleep in her own bed' 'she's clingy' blah blah. I don't care. It's good for them to know you'll respond to their cries. After all it's the only way they can communicate with us right now! Ignoring them now will just, imo make them think we will ignore them when they can communicate and will eventually end up with a child who won't tell us anything. Again just my opinion!

There is a lot of psychological research to suggest a securely attached baby becomes an independent and confident adult compared to those that may be classed as insecurely attached. My baby definitely does have some clingy days/times (today in fact) but its mostly whn she's teething or ill. And yes she does have some stranger danger and has wobbles if she's given to someone she doesnt know/hasn't seen in a while. But in some ways that's a good thing as it means she wouldn't happily go off with anyone if they lured her away! But I think she's very independent. She could spend hours playing by herself happily if I left her, she prefers to do a lot by herself too like feed herself and hold her cups etc. but she still loves a mummy/nanny/auntie/grandad cuddle

If you're happy with how you're doing it then carry on and just ignore everyone else. If they say something attacking your techniques simply reply with something like 'I might try that next time' or 'ill bare that in mind' etc you're doing great xx

By the way just to clarify. I in no way think my techniques are superior or the right way to do things and am not attacking people who do things differently by my reply. Just stating what is best for us x

Thankyou! I totally agree with you.i just feel its natural to be there for a child as much as possible and no I am nor saying my my the best way as it is up to Individual parebt,but I do feel its right for me,to be as caring and nurturing as possible ..

Guess just ignore other's opinions..just hate feeling judged by people..also little worried thatm Im a bit too over protective? I live alone with my boy and at night even though I have a monitor if I hear,any noise I get very anxious and protective..i kno it normal to be protective but sometimes I just think I need to trust that he is safe..but I always check on him make sure he is,safe...am I alone?? I di agree though that he be more independant as he have that trust there...x thanks for reply

 

[moomin_troll]

The only time I've let my kids cry is when they have been buggers and are using tears to get their own way....they are 5 and 2 lol
I wouldn't let a baby cry just because ppl thought I should.
I bf Corey for 8 months. Spent every second of every day with him. Zane would go nursery or to my mums sometimes.
I coslept with both my boys and neither one is clingy.
They love hugs and to spend time with me, which as a mother who wouldn't want that?
Ignore others, it's hard enough being a paret let alone a single parent. They can shove off

 

[Scout]

Do what's best for you and your lo. Other people will always have opinions or tell you what they think is best, but you're the mom and you get to decide. People always tell me that I'm spoiling lo by rocking her for naps and always holding her, but you know, she's mine and if I want to spoil her, I will. (even tho I don't think you can spoil a 5 month old) I usually just say thanks for the advice and then do my own thing.

My lo sleeps with me. i have a video and a movement monitor in her nursery, but I still don't want her sleeping in a room by herself. They are only little once and for a very short time. I love the cuddles. I love rocking her. I love her sleeping with me. I don't plan on doing any sleep training and I don't let her sit and cry...I usually respond when she gets a bit fussy, before she starts to cry. I just don't see anything wrong with that. I don't think you can be overprotective with an infant. He's a baby and counts on you for everything, even his survival. He's lucky you are so protective of him!

 

[Dezireey]

Like others have said, you do what is best for you and your baby and don't listen to anyone else. I am an attachment parent and I strongly believe that ensuring your child grows up well balanced and loved completely, you can't go wrong.

I also think its a bit silly to lay down guidelines and rules about letting a baby cry all the time or trying to stop them being clingy etc etc when they are so so little. Its species survival, babies and toddlers will be clingy because their mum is the source of love, protection and safety, they have to be where their mum is and human babies rely much heavier on mother love and nurturing than other species.

I think the only things I do that maybe not all attachment parents do is;I don't pick up my son every single time he falls over, I assess whether he is hurt or not and if he doesn't start crying, I just say 'oops a daisy, be careful;' I want him to have a sense of perspective on that and also i may not always be around for a cuddle when he has a little stumble. I also don't give in to him when he has a tantrum about something really wrong e.g if he goes up to the TV and keeps trying to hit it over but doesn't listen when I tell him off, I let him have a mini meltdown as he needs to know that certain things are dangerous and mummy means business!!

Apart from that I am totally devoted to being with him 24/7 and giving him lots and lots of cuddles and attention.

 

[moomin_troll]

With two boys if I picked them up each time they fell, I'd be at it all day. So like u, I only pick up if they are hurt or really upset

 

[babymumm]

Thanks ladies much appreciated...nice to know im not alone in my thoughts on parenting..i totally agree,he needs me and he is,definately not manipulating me!! I guess cant listen to others..im his mum.thanks though hate when I c people leave thier 2 months old to cio! Its,awful n makes me feel so uncomfortable x