Am I Turning Evil?

[Jules]

I know I have been a little jekyl and hyde lately with all these pregnancy hormones, but i am wondering whether i am taking everything to heart TOO much, honest opinion please!

I have been thinking about when the baby comes and all the interference from the in laws and it really worries me!

Dont get me wrong i really get on with my MIL but that doesn't mean i want to see them everyday! i spoke on the phone the other day and she said she will get a week off paid from work when the baby's due if i get a note from doctors, now, visiting for a couple of hours now and then is fine but a full week?!?!?!? When another family member went into labour all the family was stood outside the delivery suite!! i have already told my OH that theres visting times they can come and i dont want everyone rushing straight down! even my own mother has said she will visit when i say is ok!! i think they even gave the baby its first feed!!!!

sorry to rant on but its been bugging me since i got the phone call, am i being a bit mean wanting baby and OH to myself?

 

[tinytoes]

oh good god....you need to get this cleared up. Does she live far away from you? I mean - is there relly a reason that she would need to come for a week?

I suppose she thinks she's helping in that first week wehn you might feel scared...But I can fully understand just wanting a little bit of quiet time! I quite fancy my Mum coming when the baby is born, and then leaving me to it for a week before coming back to stay for a few days (we live far apart). But I do need that quiet time...and when my parents come to stay I think I'd like them to stay elsewhere - luckily we have a granny annex so I wouldnt have to feed or entertain...

we are most important here not our families or inlaws, we haev to remember that.

Maybe if she lives nearby she can pop round for an hour once a day? Maybe to help with the washing or to just make youa cuppa? But not all day fora week...thats a little much if you're not delighted by it. Just explain...or get OH to!

We need time to be alone - time to feel we're not being watched or having people checking how we're doing things etc.

 

[Jules]

Glad you dont think i am over reacting! I am going to tell OH to let her know i don't need herto have a week off with me! She only lives 2 miles away anyway. I know it sounds a little selfish on my OH but i would rather have my own mum help me if i needed the help.

Another thing thats bugging me is i had mentioned a few names me and OH liked and they have said they hate one of them!!! but they like such and such !!!

So i have told my OH not tell anyone anymore what we thinking of calling the baby until we have decided and then they can just be told what its going to be called!!!

 

[reallytinyamy]

Oh my word who's baby is this? It doesn't sound to me like you're over reacting at all. That first wek is very important for you, your husband and baby, to get a routine going and settle into a different kind of life, you need space to do that. That doesn't mean no visiting but you need your space. And as for names.... well, don't get me started.

I am extremely lucky, I get on well with my in laws and I think they are going to be very supportive in the background waiting for when we need them. I can't imagine that sort of interference. I think you and/or OH need to sit down for a chat with them.

Hanging around outside the delivery room, I know its exciting but that would creep me out!!

 

[tinytoes]

another thing to add is to just put it all out of your mind as much as you can - our hormones are going mental right now and the thought of week long guests stresses us out more than it would normally..
this isnt to say it should go ahead - the least family can do is to ask first!

It is so hard when they mean well, and people dont realize that comments on names might be hurtful....


But try and remember that our hormones are going mad and we need to feel in control. Re-take control and I'm sure you'll feel much better.
It's like people have already bought my baby gifts and I want to shout "nooo, not yet, it's too early we asked you not to, we're the parents here!!!!"...but you can't really get angry at people for being excited..

When it comes to it a visit once an afternoon might be handy - in case it is scary and hard - an hour a day maybe ...or every other day if your mum comes alternate days...she can pop round with some shopping and the ironing?!

might be a compromise worth considering - to help you and to let MIL feel needed?

 

[elles28]

Oh Jules dear love ya having to put up with this & so early too...I think you are going to have to be firm & adopt a start as you mean to go attitude or you will end up really resenting their interference......though bear in mind they could prove really useful when you need them babysitting e.t.c....

 

[Jules]

Yeah will have words with OH. I know everyone is excited but i dont want too much interference afterall this is my baby! There quite used to being in each others pockets but i am not like that, i am close to my family but they give me space.

I had a text a while ago saying "hows my baby?" from the MIL!! Its frist grandchild for her so she is very excited.

I think i am going into overdrive a little bit as i have even thought about interference with the babys feeding habits etc as i know with another family member they were all feeding it solids when i wouldn't have done....! blimey, i will try and forget about it for a while, until i need to put my foot down!!!

thanks for your replies and advice!

 

[clairebear]

your not over reacting this is ur and ur oh's baby and u 3 will need time on your own together. i have told both mine and oh parents that they can be at the hospital if they wish but only me and oh will be in the room when baby is born and that providing everything is well i want time just the 3 of us before any one comes in and i want to try and breast feed as early as possible so i will be doing first feed and if i cant oh will be.. put ur foot down xxx

 

[ChefSara77]

My hormones are getting me pretty moody too. DH reminded me of that yesterday when I got angry at a "market researcher" who called my house.

Fortunately, My inlaws are all quite a ways a way...the closest is a 10 hour drive! My parents live near by, so they will be able to stop by, but not need to stay. That will be ideal. DH and I plan on telling his parents that we will try to arrange a time for them to visit a few weeks after the baby is born. But it's important to have those first couple weeks to bond with the baby and with each other and to learn how the family dynamics have changes. Having MIL there makes that quite difficult!

 

[Tam]

No you are NOT being too sensitive......
You need to set your boundaries straight form the start! You need to make sure that your family know what you are happy with and what you do not want from them.

Make it clear that you do not want them all waiting outside, they will be contacted when baby is born, and tell your MIL that you do not need her to take 1 week off, you want to spend that time with your hubby bonding with your baby. Don't get me wrong, that would be a lovely suggestion if you already had 2 or 3 kiddies that she could help look after, but not for your first!

You need to be strong and let them know you mean no offence, but you want to do this with your Hubby and if you need help you will be on the phone straight away and Thank you very much!

As for baby names, it is not for them to chose or even help, it is simply none of their business.....ofcourse they can have an opinion, but that is as far as it goes!

Good luck hun! x

 

[Jules]

I had words with OH last night and he has said he will talk to his mother about us not needed her around for a week, he said she will have just thought we needed the help, so i just said if we need help we will ask.

I also had words about the name thing too! So we have decided to not tell anyone what we thinking of calling it until we have decided and then no one has any input, its tough!!!

I had talked to my own mum about these problems last night too and she thought i was being ok about everything, as my family are quite laid back and i know for a fact wont interfere.

I can't see it all going that smoothly for long tho, and can see me having to put my foot down again at some point!!!

So thanks everyone for your advice!

 

[tinytoes]

you go girl!

we're hormonal, we're allowed to have lots of foot putting down moments!

 

[clairebear]

thats it just remember it is urs and ohs baby. xxx