Am i wrong?!...Dont know what to do....:(

[Gabrielle]

Ok so last month we werent ttc and had an accident and we decided we were going to try. Well i didnt end up preggo and i went to my ob/gyn and had a checkup and i told her we wanted to ttc. She said that we should wait because my pregnancies are so bad and i need to give my body a rest!

So..i went home and told hubby bout it and now he also decided we should wait for that reason as well is he would like our 7 month old to be a year before we start ttc. He says he would feel bad for our 3 year old when there would be two little ones.!

I said we dont have to try just not prevent, and i thought he was ok with that. We bd last night and we didnt prevent..and so i asked him afterwards if that is what we were going to do and he said he isnt going to try and get me preggo until the baby is one! and he was serious!!!!

I broke down and started crying and got so mad at him! I told him no more sex untill than and get use to fighting cause thats what were going to do untill than! I was mean to him all night and he said your only mean cause i wont get you pregnant. He was trying to be nice and i just wont give in!

AM i wrong?? i know i shouldnt be that way but you girls know whats you know your going to ttc and than someone tells you to wait! its impossible! Specially since i just joined this group and now want to get preggo with all you girls....and im so obsessive with this!

What do i do, i cant stop crying...what would you girls do?!?! Help me please...
I dont even want to eat anything.....and i couldnt sleep at all

 

[Gabrielle]

Also forgot that i need to have a minor heart surgery done before i would get preggo and i really really dont want to have it done! IM scared....

 

[babezone]

its a toughy hun i no how horrible u must feel like summit has been snached away from you and wen ur trying its all u think about and want....but u have to try and see the otherside....you were advised to wait for good reasons and hes probably taking these good reasons into account. i think maybe u was jus a little harsh saying no sex anf fights as its a big desicion but only u2 can sit down and talk maybe even saying about trying in 6 months so dat gives u 6 months to fall preg after as we all no it can take a while....sorry i cant be more help x x x

 

[susan_1981]

I kinda think you should wait or at least wait until you have calmed down and then discuss it again. I think if you are ttc, it should be because both of you want it at that time. The problem is if I was in your situation I wouldn't take my own because I know how much I want a baby. We were going to stop trying after October because we are due to go away next August but my husband wants us to keep trying because he wants a baby more than a holiday and I'm glad he said that because I don't think I could stop trying.

 

[Gabrielle]

Thanks babyzone,...i know i was harsh, but just like you said...it might take me 6months so than it would be in a year!!! I just dont get how he says he wants to get preggo and than when i wasnt decided he wants to wait!

 

[Gabrielle]

I kinda think you should wait or at least wait until you have calmed down and then discuss it again. I think if you are ttc, it should be because both of you want it at that time. The problem is if I was in your situation I wouldn't take my own because I know how much I want a baby. We were going to stop trying after October because we are due to go away next August but my husband wants us to keep trying because he wants a baby more than a holiday and I'm glad he said that because I don't think I could stop trying.

Aww hun im so glad that it worked out for you and your hubby! THat means alot when they want it as much as you! ya know? Yeah i figured if i just keep being mean and saying no sex that he would finally say yes. OR i think be nice and have sex and hope he just doesnt prevent ya know? idk what to think or do...just so hurt at the moment....i know feb isnt that far away but like i said i thought we were ttc now and its hard to stop thinking about it and obsessing!!!!!!

Thanks hun

 

[superp123]

Now, I'd usually be the last one to tell you to wait. Under the circumstances though I think your heart is going to play a huge role in your health during pg and the health of baby to be. That said I think you should wait.
I don't know what heart condition you have but a close friend of mine had a small hole in her heart. She kept putting off the surgery because she was scared and then one day had three strokes. Thankfully it all ended well for her, but not after months of recovery and trying to convince the docs to do her surgery. After she made her self so ill (waiting), her condition that was once a simple surgery then became a very serious one. She spent 6mths on blood thinners and going doc to doc until she found someone willing to take the risk. She was only 22 at the time.
I'm also not a fan of scare tactics. But as her friend, I can tell you that it was very frightening to watch her go through. I would pray everyday that she'd be okay.
I think I can relate to your hubby on this one. Sorry.
Take the docs advice and use that time to get the surgery arranged. Do everything you can to make yourself well and to get ready for that pregnancy and for the rest of your life. You should feel blessed to have such good people around you that love you. I'm sure they only want the best for you.
Good luck.
P

 

[Chris77]

It's so hard when all you want is a But 5 months is really not that far off, it'll go by quickly especially with 2 litte ones to look after. I'm sorry to hear you need heart surgery. Honestly though, I would have the surgery first. This way you are completely healthy when TTC. If you leave this surgery to later (although minor) it could turn in to something major and you don't want to fool around with the heart. I've never been preggers but I imagine it's quite a strain on the heart.

Hang in there!

 

[Lyns]

Awww, sweetie, it sounds like you are really upset and I'm not surprised. Its a lot of emotional turmoil having things going backwards and forwards on TTC like that.

Thing is, falling out about it is only going to make things worse....your husband is only really caring about your health and not exactly being selfish, so I think you need to try and calm down and talk to him on this. Find something that you can both be happy about. He's probably seen you go through some tough times and is terrified of seeing it again.

I can't say whether its right or wrong for you to TTC right now - only the two of you can make that decision, taking into account all your emotions and the facts. But please try and make up with him and don't fall out....thats definitely heading in the wrong direction!

 

[6lilpigs]

Is there any time scale for the heart surgery? I would get a date for that asap then you can get a ttc date in your mind. If you fall before then OH is going to be scared that he has put you in danger. A friend of mine also has a minor heart condition and I know her OH was scared for her all the way through her pregnancies, almost as if he had given her an illness not a baby. Get fixed, get preggers!!

 

[Gabrielle]

Thanks for all your advice ladies!

WEll the heart condition is an arrythmia problem and the meds i take are class D in pregnancy and with my last baby i lost all the fluid because of my meds. I was just hoping they could find a different med that would be safe! I dont want the surgery becaus i work on a cardiac floor and many times it doesnt correct the problem or people end up with a pacemaker! Way to YOUNG for that! I just dont want it..but dont know what to do. I know my hubby is scared because im so sick and have so many medical problems and blood clots when im pregoo and my baby are always early! i sound so selfish dont i??? i just dont want to wait because the drs say my body can only handle pregnancies at a younger age and i only have one ovary so its harder as it is....
Ahh i hate my body! i just want to be normal!!!........so much to think about..

 

[Gabrielle]

Is there any time scale for the heart surgery? I would get a date for that asap then you can get a ttc date in your mind. If you fall before then OH is going to be scared that he has put you in danger. A friend of mine also has a minor heart condition and I know her OH was scared for her all the way through her pregnancies, almost as if he had given her an illness not a baby. Get fixed, get preggers!!

Hey your children are BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

 

[6lilpigs]

Thankyou, I know completely why you want more over the risk to yourself. Each and everyone is a little piece of magic aren't they.

 

[srm0421]

I know how you are feeling. First off, you know what needs to be done medically for yourself and do not want to be told what to do, you also do not want to be told what not to do. Your husband is a man and they don't always say things right. You know you should listen to the doctors but being scared and focusing on something a lot better than surgery like a baby is comforting. Maybe subconsciously you feel that if you get pregnant you will be able to put off the surgery for at least another 9 months. I think you need to talk to your OH and tell him how scared you are about the surgery and how he might need to reword certain things to be more understanding. Maybe he is scared because of what the doctor said. If you got pregnant and something bad happened to you over your heart he would blame himself because he should have listened to the doctor and maybe his insensitivity is just because of being scared. I know I rambled on and am sorry, I just wanted you to see things from where he might be coming from. Good luck and talk to hubby, I am sure he did not mean it the way it came out.

 

[Gabrielle]

Thanks srm0421, dont worry you not rambling! i like to hear what people have to say! i did briefly talk to him on the phone and we are going to start ttc around christmas time whether i have the surgery or not! i think i would go have the surgery right away if i knew it would def fix the problem...but alot of times it doesnt...so yeah!
But i am really happy to hear that we will start ttc in dec! thats only three months away!!!!!!

 

[nellis10]

Hun I agree with everyone and I think secretly you do too!!!

TTC is an obsession we all have, but your health must come first. You hubby is looking out for you, wanting your body to rest, thinking of the children and what's best for them is a healthy mummy!!!!

Give yourself time, and when the time is right you'll know it and it won't be a wall between you and hubby.

I wish you the best!