cleckner04
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Found this on msn today. Thought it applied to this forum!
6 Things to Never Say to Your Pregnant Friend
You may think you're just being curious (or cute), but she'll secretly want to poke your eyes out.
By Paula Kashtan
Yes, we admit: It's always easy to unintentionally hit a hormonal land mine with another female, but when she's pregnant, it really doesn't take much for things to get ugly. Help yourself (and her!) with this list of things not to say.
"So...was it planned?"
Besides the obvious privacy invasion (their birth control = none of your business), there's the unspoken and uncalled for judgment. As in, "You really think now is a good time for a child? And you seriously think you can handle it?" Keep the unsolicited opinions to yourself.
"Twins! IVF or natural?"
No matter what her status is, in vitro fertilization is a touchy topic, so zip it. If she did have IVF, that means she had trouble getting pregnant on her own. Fertility issues are a pretty personal subject (if she wanted you to be in the know, she would've mentioned it by now). And if it wasn't IVF, she's likely had too many people assuming otherwise.
"30 weeks? You're still so small!"
There's just no way to win here. Tell her she looks small, and she hears that the baby isn't getting enough nutrition and she's already a negligent mother. Don't apply this in reverse, though. Yes, she's aware she's gaining weight; yes, she knows it's a natural and healthy thing; and no, she doesn't want to hear about it from you.
"Speaking of pregnancy, did I ever tell you about my sister's 36-hour labor?
Skip the horror stories, please she's got enough to be nervous about without listening to your nightmare tales. And, by the way, it's totally okay (preferable, even) to not have anything interesting or illuminating to tell her about pregnancy, childbirth, or parenting.
"Well, maybe next time it'll be a boy."
Sorry, whose baby is this? Your gender preference is pretty much...no, entirely irrelevant. And rude! Anything less than unconditional happiness and support is best kept to yourself. And if she previously expressed hope for a different gender, there's no need to remind her implying that she's not totally excited about the baby is a sure way to make her feel like a bad mommy.
"Felt any kicks yet [said while placing hand on her belly]?"
We know, the belly rub is tough to resist...but please do. Normal rules of human interaction do apply when dealing with a pregnant person, so hands off. Okay, you're allowed to politely ask for a touch, but even that deserves a little thought. Under normal circumstances, would you feel comfortable physically interacting with her? Sporting a bump doesn't suddenly make her body public property.
"[Insert name]? Really? Hmm, that's an...interesting choice."
Yes, we agree, she should've kept her baby name a secret if she didn't want feedback...but that doesn't let you off the hook. Unless she expressly asks for your opinion, keep it to yourself choosing a name is hard enough without (unsolicited!) comments about how odd your grade-school classmate [insert name] smelled.
"That's a decaf latte, right?"
Another one of those none of your business situations. Same goes for questioning her decision not to drink caffeine, if that's the case...because no matter what the circumstance, all she's going to hear is your implied judgment. We don't care how many scary headlines you've seen about caffeine during pregnancy; this conversation is appropriate only if you're her doctor. Please apply the same logic to comments about sushi and alcohol intake.
"Let me know when you're at week 15. I'm praying this one works out."
Yes, we've heard this line. And more than once! No matter how good your intentions, there's never never never an appropriate time to mention the risk of miscarriage or any previous losses. Trust us she's well aware.
"Yeah, babies are cute and all, but just wait until puberty..."
We're operating without a back button here...let's keep it positive, okay? Tell her how sweet babies are, talk about all the fun she'll have with her toddler, but please nothing about the terrible twos or teenage mood swings. If she'd like your assistance when (and if) those things become a reality, she'll certainly seek it out. Until then, the small person growing in her belly offers more than enough to focus on.
6 Things to Never Say to Your Pregnant Friend
You may think you're just being curious (or cute), but she'll secretly want to poke your eyes out.
By Paula Kashtan
Yes, we admit: It's always easy to unintentionally hit a hormonal land mine with another female, but when she's pregnant, it really doesn't take much for things to get ugly. Help yourself (and her!) with this list of things not to say.
"So...was it planned?"
Besides the obvious privacy invasion (their birth control = none of your business), there's the unspoken and uncalled for judgment. As in, "You really think now is a good time for a child? And you seriously think you can handle it?" Keep the unsolicited opinions to yourself.
"Twins! IVF or natural?"
No matter what her status is, in vitro fertilization is a touchy topic, so zip it. If she did have IVF, that means she had trouble getting pregnant on her own. Fertility issues are a pretty personal subject (if she wanted you to be in the know, she would've mentioned it by now). And if it wasn't IVF, she's likely had too many people assuming otherwise.
"30 weeks? You're still so small!"
There's just no way to win here. Tell her she looks small, and she hears that the baby isn't getting enough nutrition and she's already a negligent mother. Don't apply this in reverse, though. Yes, she's aware she's gaining weight; yes, she knows it's a natural and healthy thing; and no, she doesn't want to hear about it from you.
"Speaking of pregnancy, did I ever tell you about my sister's 36-hour labor?
Skip the horror stories, please she's got enough to be nervous about without listening to your nightmare tales. And, by the way, it's totally okay (preferable, even) to not have anything interesting or illuminating to tell her about pregnancy, childbirth, or parenting.
"Well, maybe next time it'll be a boy."
Sorry, whose baby is this? Your gender preference is pretty much...no, entirely irrelevant. And rude! Anything less than unconditional happiness and support is best kept to yourself. And if she previously expressed hope for a different gender, there's no need to remind her implying that she's not totally excited about the baby is a sure way to make her feel like a bad mommy.
"Felt any kicks yet [said while placing hand on her belly]?"
We know, the belly rub is tough to resist...but please do. Normal rules of human interaction do apply when dealing with a pregnant person, so hands off. Okay, you're allowed to politely ask for a touch, but even that deserves a little thought. Under normal circumstances, would you feel comfortable physically interacting with her? Sporting a bump doesn't suddenly make her body public property.
"[Insert name]? Really? Hmm, that's an...interesting choice."
Yes, we agree, she should've kept her baby name a secret if she didn't want feedback...but that doesn't let you off the hook. Unless she expressly asks for your opinion, keep it to yourself choosing a name is hard enough without (unsolicited!) comments about how odd your grade-school classmate [insert name] smelled.
"That's a decaf latte, right?"
Another one of those none of your business situations. Same goes for questioning her decision not to drink caffeine, if that's the case...because no matter what the circumstance, all she's going to hear is your implied judgment. We don't care how many scary headlines you've seen about caffeine during pregnancy; this conversation is appropriate only if you're her doctor. Please apply the same logic to comments about sushi and alcohol intake.
"Let me know when you're at week 15. I'm praying this one works out."
Yes, we've heard this line. And more than once! No matter how good your intentions, there's never never never an appropriate time to mention the risk of miscarriage or any previous losses. Trust us she's well aware.
"Yeah, babies are cute and all, but just wait until puberty..."
We're operating without a back button here...let's keep it positive, okay? Tell her how sweet babies are, talk about all the fun she'll have with her toddler, but please nothing about the terrible twos or teenage mood swings. If she'd like your assistance when (and if) those things become a reality, she'll certainly seek it out. Until then, the small person growing in her belly offers more than enough to focus on.
Ive had strange old men come up to me in Spotlight and say "are you sure you arent having twins?" all the while putting their hand on my tummy! 
flying around. haha
very nice article hun! and very true xXx
There are certain people I let do it (you know, OH, Mum, OH's mum, close family or friends) but any strange people.. GET LOST! 
