Anger over decision not to circumcise

[calic]

So.... I told my mom that if DH and I had a boy we weren't going to circumcise. I have no clue how the topic got brought up, but now I wish it hadn't. She was livid. I stated that DH isn't, my father isn't, and my brother (her son) isn't, why is this such a huge deal? She said she regretted everyday that she didn't circumcise my brother, and is still mad at my dad for convincing her not to. She told me that she can't even talk to me about it she is so mad. I really have never considered the decision a "controversial" one, so I'm a bit baffled as to why she reacted this way. Though she had an incredulous reaction to the fact that I have said "no thank you" to a handgun as a Christmas present since we are pregnant and I don't want handguns in the house. So apparently all of my pregnancy/child rearing decisions thus far are wrong. Anyone else experience this kind of outrage for your decision one way or another? Is this subject vastly more controversial than I realize???

 

[TTC First]

I decided that I would leave the decision up to my husband however I think that I would prefer to circumcise. I didn't think of it as a major controversial issue either. I don't feel it's anyone's business if I choose to circumcise my child. If you decide not to circumcise then so be it.

As for the gun, I am Canadian so we don't have guns in the house. I really wouldn't want a gun anyway.

I do have a warning for you, if there is this much going on now....I can only imagine how much she will want a say after the child is here. Beware!

 

[Heinrude]

I had people pushing me on this subject and asking me once we found out we were having a boy. I kept telling them, "my son will look just like his daddy and it is none of your business what he looks like." It usually fixed the issue and made them feel awkward, but if people continue to pursue the subject I would look at my husband and say one thing witty like, "honey, why don't you show them what our little guy is going to look like, they are dying to know." And my husband would put his hand to the zipper on his pants and begin to unzip......it shut everybody up and they didn't ask again after that.
It just seemed like a question that followed once I announced it was a boy and I felt private about it. It is a big decision and should not be influenced by nobody but the parents of the baby.

 

[eris]

There was actually an argument on facebook about this just today. It's actually a very controversial subject for a lot of people. Personally, I choose not to for a variety of reasons, but I'm not going to go push someone down some stairs for having their son circumcised. Just like I'm going to breast feed as long as I can and would never accuse someone of not caring enough for their child and that's why they aren't breastfeeding. (This is an actual thing I heard one mother tell another.) People are crazy and apparently the whole "well I'm a better mother than you because I did this for my child" is not only a real thing, but alive and well in many online and offline communities.

 

[eris]

Also, I'm curious why your mother is so upset about not having her son circumcised.

 

[mrsrof]

it's always a controversial topic and i've seen it get heated on these boards before so watch out!

Where I come from (Ireland), circumcision is very rare and usually only for religious or medical reasons. I think it's the same in the UK where I live now. I've never actually seen a circumcised one close up! what were your mother's reasons for regretting it?

I would view circumcision as a very personal choice and actually I think it's unnecessary unless your religion says you should do it or a doctor deems it medically necessary. One of my sister's sons is, one isn't. the one that is had it done because of a recurring infection in a too- tight foreskin. The other has nevwr had any issues, like most men really!

don't let your mother make your decisions x

 

[calic]

Also, I'm curious why your mother is so upset about not having her son circumcised.

I have no clue. She just told me that she regrets it to this day. I have just never considered it anything but a personal choice by the parents and certainly have never said anything negative to any of my friends about their sons either way, because it wasn't any of my business/I didn't care. I really just had no clue it was controversial. Unfortunately I decided to look it up, omg....I feel like I would have been raked over the coals either way now. Definitely going to take your route in the future regarding questions of that nature.

 

[leahtaba]

It sounds completely irrarional for her to be so annoyed over a hypothetical situation that hasnt even happened yet, she sounds like a handful. At the end of the day its your child and your decision and she needs to respect that.

 

[calic]

it's always a controversial topic and i've seen it get heated on these boards before so watch out!

Where I come from (Ireland), circumcision is very rare and usually only for religious or medical reasons. I think it's the same in the UK where I live now. I've never actually seen a circumciswd one close up! what were your kother's reasons for regretting it?

I would view circumcision as a very personal choice and actually I think it's unnecessary unless your religion says you should do it or a doctor deems it medically necessary. One of my sister's sons is, one isn't. the one that is had it done because of a recurring infection in a too- tight foreskin. The other has nevwr had any issues, like most men really!

don't let your mother make your decisions x

My husband is the first uncirc that I have been with in America. She probably regrets it because most boys in this country have it done and it is the norm to do it. My husband however is from Eastern Europe and isn't. But more and more Americans aren't circumcising and it's everyone's personal choice. But I was just blindsided by the controversy. Not completely by her though. She's a little prone to hysterics and over reactions, i.e. "you don't want a gun to protect your house and new little baby?"

 

[Claralee]

That is strange that she had a strong reaction

As pp said in the UK, where I am from, people typically don't circumcise. I live in the US now and my husband is Jewish so because of that and the fact it is so much more common here we did circumcise our son, but I wasn't thrilled about it.

 

[Julia35]

Yes, it is highly controversial. We chose to circumcise, and that's our business, and not something I share with any family members or friends. They can choose how they wish.

 

[Rainbow gems]

My OH isn't circumcised and my brother is so while debating it i made sure they both told me there opinions and both of them agreed uncircumcised is better,
and apparently later in life females do judge you if you are circumcised,

we had a big issue with it with my MIL, but did what we wanted

 

[dan-o]

I'll never understand why anyone would want to cut the end of their baby's penis off, unless it was medically required, but each to their own.

No idea why your mother would 'regret every day' because she did not cut off your brothers off. The mind boggles! Probably best just to ignore her and do what you think is right.

 

[BrandiCanucks]

I had my son circumcised, and if this baby is a boy, he'll be circumcised as well, but this is a very personal decision, and your mother's reaction to your choice for your child is way out of line and inappropriate. I agree with a previous poster to beware, because if she feels so strongly about this, then she's not going to stop getting her nose in on how you raise your child in the future. Sounds like she's trying to relive having a son through your baby and try and get you to do what she wanted to do, which is ridiculous and wrong.

When my son was 3 weeks old, I was changing his diaper in a mall bathroom. A woman came up behind me and started screaming at me, telling me that I didn't deserve my kids and she should call CPS on me right then and there for abusing my kids. I asked her what I was doing to abuse my kids, and she exploded, accusing me of mutilating my son, and how dare I go and circumcise him. That is abuse and I am a horrible mother. By this time, she had gathered a crowd, and I simply turned to her and said, "I hope you know that everyone standing behind you right now isn't shocked I circumcised my son, but they're wondering what kind of sick individual would stare at a 3-week-old baby's penis long enough to know it's circumcised. They all think you're a pervert". She walked out red faced, and a bunch of the women told me they couldn't believe how well I kept my cool, and that cut or uncut, my son was adorable".

The decision to circumcise or not is very personal, and it's a decision that only parents can make in the best interest of their child, which is what we all do anyway, right? Cosleeping is best for some parents, and dangerous for others. Breastfeeding is right for some women, where formula is best for others. Every parenting decision we make is what is best for our kids, and whatever choice we make is neither right nor wrong.

People need to stick to raising their own kids how they want to raise them, and not try to get involved in the raising of other people's kids...unless it's a case of abuse.

 

[BrandiCanucks]

I'll never understand why anyone would want to cut the end of their baby's penis off, unless it was medically required, but each to their own.

I'll never understand why people need to come out with such ignorant comments about a choice that parents make in the best interests of their child. While a circumcision is not in the best interest of YOUR child, it IS in the best interests of the child of other parents, and judgemental and ignorant comments such as this are inappropriate and uncalled for.

Please learn the difference between removing a piece of skin and "cutting off the end of a penis". "Cutting off the end of a penis" suggests to make it unrecognizable, or to take away it's function.

My son is circumcised, and he still has a fully functional penis. He's 5 and he pees with it, plays with it, he's questioned me on why it stands up in the morning, suggesting it's fully able to achieve an erection...my ex was circ'd too, and we have 3 kids, so I'm absolutely certain that if circumcised boys "had the ends of their penises cut off", there would be a large percentage of the population that wouldn't exist.

Please keep the ignorance to yourself.

 

[tddunn]

We are having a girl but my husband and I had already agreed that if we were to have a boy we would circumcise. We personally chose this for religious. reasons though. I dont think it is bad if you choose not to though. It is all a personal decision from family to family. This is all your choice and your mother should respect it

 

[Roxie]

maybe im just ignorant but i had no idea that circumcision was so controversial lol



but it looks like the issue with your mum isnt abut circumcision but it looks like a power issue with your mum,

 

[notready123]

I don't agree with it. It's like getting a baby's ears pierced, or FGM.

I'm not religious at all, there is no god (he would have heard me when I begged him not to take my FOUR babies away) but in the bible etc, what was it he said about not mutilation our bodies?! :/

 

[deafgal]

My son isn't but I wish other kids his age would mind their own business. We are in the U.S. and most of them are (including my husband but not my dad--which my mom told me when my son was a baby)

I am glad I made this decision not to. But I do struggle to explain it is ok to have it done on boys and not girls (it other countries)

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Well, notready123, I'm not religious either, but since we're looking at the Bible, God ordered males to be circumcised, soooooo your argument there is kind of invalid.

Genesis 17:9

Then God said to Abraham, “As for you, you must keep my covenant, you and your descendants after you for the generations to come. 10 This is my covenant with you and your descendants after you, the covenant you are to keep: Every male among you shall be circumcised. 11 You are to undergo circumcision, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and you. 12 For the generations to come every male among you who is eight days old must be circumcised, including those born in your household or bought with money from a foreigner—those who are not your offspring. 13 Whether born in your household or bought with your money, they must be circumcised. My covenant in your flesh is to be an everlasting covenant. 14 Any uncircumcised male, who has not been circumcised in the flesh, will be cut off from his people; he has broken my covenant.”