Angry rant! - DH been out all night drinking!

[lalitas charm]

I'm so angry right now. It's 5:30am and I'm awake as I'm furious that my DH didn't bother his arse coming home. His phone is switched off as well so I can't get the hold of him. He went to a leaving do at his works bar which is about 500m away from home and he hasn't come back. He's in the army and there always seems to be something on but this night was one if his's mate's leaving do and I didn't mind him going. He promised to be back by 11pm as Saturday is my 1 day to get a lie in and he was also supposed to watch DD so that I could go and have a bath this morning before meeting up with a friend. Then this afternoon there is a memorial on for someone who got killed in Afghanistan and he is going to that and then it is back to the f$&king bar again!! I fully support him going to the memorial don't get me wrong but I'm fed up with how often he seems to have to go out on the piss. We've had rows over it in the past and he himself says that he needs to drink less. I keep telling him that he has to remember that when these guys leave he never sees them again, they are more like acquaintances, that his true mate are X, Y and Z and his family are me and DD and that we should be his priority.

I wanted to go and meet up with a friend I haven't seen in years today (we keep in touch loads though) and I also need to go and get a dress taken up but now I'm not going to be able to meet my friend as we were meeting for a coffee this morning before she went to work and I cant take the dress to be taken up as for some unknown reason he put my bloody shoes into the roof space and it is clear he isn't going to be in a fit state to go up a ladder to get me them. I'm very very angry!!

We had some serious rows a couple of weeks ago about his grumpy moods where he'd fly off the handle being super aggressive over nothing to the point where I was going to leave him, he made some changes and he did get better but this is making me feel the same again. I don't have much money to get him thoughtful gifts or anything so I show him how I feel by doing little things like cooking him meals and traybakes etc he really enjoys and other little things. I do 90% of the cleaning in the house, most of the cooking and dishes, most of the childcare and I feel that because he supports me I owe him all of that but I'm really fed up and I'm not prepared to live like this with 2 kids. Right now we live near my family and friends and I have a decent job. In the next 12-18 months we'll be moving to England and if this upsets me now it will be 100 x worse when I'm away so I'm really worried.

Sorry for the long rant!!!

 

[BleedingBlack]

Honestly, I dont blame you one bit for being upset and angry with him. If I was in that situation with my soon.to.be.DH, I'd feel the exact same way My DF is a Marine, so he's around that kind of stuff a lot also... however, he knows that not only will I kick his a*s but I wont put up with it either. Thankfully he isnt much of a drinker anymore.

Nevertheless hun, I say try your hardest to be calm with him BUT tell him exactly how his actions made you feel.

 

[lalitas charm]

Thanks Bleedingblack. I'm always letting him away with this kind of thing and I'm fed up being a doormat. I'm always so reasonable and calm, I tell him that I was worried and upset and it just seems to go in one ear and out the other. I just wonder should I stop being so soft with him and lay down the law. I might go and see the citizen's advise bureau and see what my rights are as there is no way I can afford to pay rent and support 2 kids but there are benefits I would be entitled to which would help. I'm really serious that this can't go on I do love him but I deserve to be treated with respect as do our LOs

 

[honey08]

men :grr

 

[BleedingBlack]

Think things through and do what you feel is right for you and your LOs. Before DF I was married for 6 yrs 6 months to a man who just didnt care about anything. I couldnt take it anymore so I file divorce and kicked him out. It was very hard to do but it was also the best choice for my children and I and I dont regret it at all. Life is so much better without him.

 

[mrsb2010]

First of all deep breaths hun xxx is there anywhere you could go for a night or two. Give you some space. Might make him realise what a dick be is being. Don't let him know, see if he likes it. I always find the way to get my point across is the silent. It says more than shouting j think. Let's them know you you're disaappointed in them. Hope you can figure something out. Hugs xxx

 

[sandilion]

I would be just as upset as you are if i was treated this way by my DH. I think it's definitely time to lay down the law - it's ok to be soft when it counts, but you also need to to firm when you need to as well otherwise i feel men will just walk all over us! Hell if i wasn't a hard arse at times with my hubby he would completely and utterly walk all over me. I am married to a wonderful man, who treats me like a goddess but my god have i been through hell at times to make him realise i won't tolerate any bullshit. And i don't want to this sound bad but i have had to set limits and boundaries to what i will tolerate. I have a motto that my husband is very aware that i believe strongly in - "love on it's own is not enough" if they disregard your feelings and disrespect you then love alone will not hold the relationship together. My husband knows i love him with every being in my soul, but if he ever slipped back to how he was in our earlier days of our relationship that i would end it. Pregnant or not, i would end it.

Men sure do take longer than us to grow up, but they also need a good swift kick up the arse to know when it's time to grow up as well.

I think it's time he is told to put his family first and start to act like a family man or it's over.

Going out for drinks with the boys occasionally is ok and probably healthy for him, but turning off his phone and not being home still at 5am is a HUGE no no. Man i would be so angry. That's just bullshit hun. Time to start being more dominant and if he doesn't like it then you need to be strong and be willing to move on.

I hope you're ok xx

 

[lalitas charm]

I will do bleedingblack. I'm not sure if it is hormones making me feel this way or not right now and I'm wary of making a rash decision but I think that I spend most of my time just existing, not unhappy but not happy either. Things like this happen more often than things which make me happy.

Mrs2010 - the only place there is would be my mum's house but I don't want to do that for a couple of reasons. She lives 20 miles away and DD's nursery is right near our house so it would make going to work a nightmare on Monday. Just staying away tonight would prob suit DH since he is going out on the piss again tonight so it wouldn't bother him in the slightest. Also I don't want my mum knowing that something is happening, she'd try to be supportive but she is really patronising and controlling so all she would do is make me feel smothered and angry with her which I don't want either. If things do go horribly wrong then I'll just need to have it all planned and sorted before I tell anyone.

 

[lalitas charm]

Sandilion - the lovely man I fell for and married went missing a couple of years ago, he seems to have gotten depressed during my 1st pregnancy as I had a rough time and he was away a lot with work and couldn't help me which was tough for him to accept. This is the 2nd time in a year that he has stayed out like this and I'm sure other guys are much worse but I won't stand for it, I went mental last time and I will do again this time. My dad was an alcoholic and I watched him destroy himself and hurt my mum (emotionally not physically) before he died when I was 18. I don't want that for my kids and I wont let it happen.

 

[sandilion]

So sorry to hear about it all hun, i hope you manage to work it out soon

 

[lalitas charm]

Thank you I appreciate it. Its now 8am and I'm going out of my mind as I can't decide if I'm worried or I'm going to kill him!! DD is up being sweet and chatting about her books and I can barely play with her.

We've got the number of the guy who's leaving do it is on our phone and I'm toying with ringing him as maybe DH has been hurt or something and that is why he isn't home. I'll leave it until 9am and see. This sounds awful but I almost hope that it is something like he has gotten minorly hurt or something as at least that way he hasn't let me down. I don't want anything to have happened obviously but I don't want to believe he would do this either.