Announcing when others may not be happy for you...

[Bluewings]

There are a few people we know who, for whatever reasons, want kids but aren't even trying yet (usually financial reasons) and as we personally know them we also know that when others announce their pregnancies they are usually sad for themselves/semi-jealous and seem to feign happiness for the others. We're related to some people like this as well, and we hope to tell our parents first (when we have an ultrasound to make sure all is well) and a few close family members until the "big reveal" when we hit second trimester.

Since I have personal issues with one of these people, it's hard for me to objectively think how to delicately announce it to some of them. By just announcing it even in a general form of "We are pregnant" or a picture with "expecting #2" would be offensive to them. Part of me thinks that that isn't our issue to deal with, and that if they're loving family and friends they should be happy for us, but on the other hand if I know ahead of time it may hurt them should we approach them "behind the scenes" and tell them in a more delicate manner?

Can anyone give me some insight on this?

 

[NinaAutumn]

There are a few people we know who, for whatever reasons, want kids but aren't even trying yet (usually financial reasons) and as we personally know them we also know that when others announce their pregnancies they are usually sad for themselves/semi-jealous and seem to feign happiness for the others. We're related to some people like this as well, and we hope to tell our parents first (when we have an ultrasound to make sure all is well) and a few close family members until the "big reveal" when we hit second trimester.

Since I have personal issues with one of these people, it's hard for me to objectively think how to delicately announce it to some of them. By just announcing it even in a general form of "We are pregnant" or a picture with "expecting #2" would be offensive to them. Part of me thinks that that isn't our issue to deal with, and that if they're loving family and friends they should be happy for us, but on the other hand if I know ahead of time it may hurt them should we approach them "behind the scenes" and tell them in a more delicate manner?

Can anyone give me some insight on this?

First of all that you even have to worry about it. I totally understand though, my news won't go down that well (for different reasons).

Personally if there is one person who will struggle with your news I'd speak to them seperately. Explain that you know and understand how frustrated and sad they might initially feel but if they could find it in their heart to be happy that would mean the world to you.

I ttc for 2yrs with my ex and never fell pg. Having friends and family tell me then they were pg was heartbreaking but you swallow your own feelings, have a wee cry in private but deep down you find those feelings of happiness because you love them.

I hope that helps x

 

[sweetavenue]

Honestly? It's their problem. Maybe I'm a callous b****, but I tend to think that you can't make everyone happy. Announce your pregnancy and let them take the news however they want.

Quite a few of OH's female friends were very rude and even stopped talking to him when we announced ours. Good riddance. We don't need people in our lives that can't be happy for us.

 

[Bluewings]

It doesn't help that one of the people I have difficulties with on a personal level anyway, but we are family so it's not like I can just dump them (hahah darn it!)

My hormones go back and forth for me... be a ***** or be nice. LOL.

I'm also afraid that if I am nice and say something privately to them, that they will think I'm actually being *****y!

 

[pola17]

I've been in both sides. Most of the times, I was happy for those expecting! Whenever someone irresponsible fell pregnant, then is when I would get upset.

I ttc for over 2 years. When I got pregnant, I announced to my parents and in laws first. By 12 weeks, to my closest friends personally. By 13 weeks, on fb.
I know I may have upset someone, but if I ran to this person somewhere, they'll see the bump. It's inevitable. I guess making a nice and sensitive announcement helps. If someone close to you is struggling to get pregnant, a personal letter announcing would help!

good luck!

 

[Bluewings]

Just a note, none of these people are actually TTC! They want kids but their spouses may not, or may not yet, and so they're waiting to TTC.

Thanks everyone!

 

[pola17]

You may not know they're not ttc!!
I used to tell everyone we were wttc because I didn't want to feel pressured!
You don't know what's really going on with their lives. Whether they're ttc or not, but still long for babies, the feeling is the same. Believe me, been there!

 

[sunnylove]

My mother-in-law will probably not take the news well at all. In fact she told us to not tell her until we're at least 6 months in because she doesn't want to know. Ha! Obviously she is not going to be sad when we tell her, just probably made and disappointed or something. Either way, I couldn't care less and I'm not going to tip-toe around her; this is not my problem, it's hers and she needs to just deal with it!

 

[agreeksmom]

heheh same dd sunny love!! just do it i know that people are going to hate but why do you have to keep your happiness a secret

 

[Minnie_me]

Been on both sides. Yes it hurts like mad when you really want a baby and for whatever reason have to delay and it used to take all my energy and best acting skills to pretend to be delighted for the lucky ones. Even then I felt guilty that I was so insanely sad for myself and still today wish I had been emotionally stronger. I very much appreciated it when a good friend told me separately before announcing - thought it aas extremely sensitive of her as she knew I was struggling with my own situation.

When my turn finally came I held off til 15 weeks before announcing it. By then I wss starting to show and had severe hyperemisis so was off work for months and my poor boss was paranoid that people thought he had buried me under the patio (he knew very early but was sworn to secrecy). I was so excited but was very aware of colleagues who had suffered M/c aswell as other issues (plus goodness knows what others might be going through that I didn't know about).

The bottom line is you have wonderful news to share, are entitled to be delighted and excited and even the most screwed up person knows that this has not come about to make them feel bad so if you can be sensitive where you think there may be fragility then that's extremely caring of you but ultimately it's tough titties!