~ Anorexia, Bulimia & Eating Disorder Support Thread ~

[Croc-O-Dile]

Sarah, I'm in the same boat right now.
And what really drives me crazier isn't the "you look better" (although that pisses me off) it's the "you look a lot healthier" Thanks, because I really needed you to remind me that I'm not healthy and haven't been for a long time. And I know people are just trying to look out for me but every time someone says something to me like "Oh keep the weight on, you look great" or "don't go back to not eating. You look so much better" I just want to pull my hair out.

I keep trying to tell my family that it's best just to ignore my weight and avoid making any comments on it. They seem to think that if they tell me how nice I look it'll make me less likely to relapse, when really it's done the opposite.
All their kind words do is remind me that I weight a lot more than I used to. And for me, my ED was always the one thing I could control. The one thing that I could have complete control over and the only "stable" thing for me. (Funny how the one thing that was stable in my life was the very thing making me unstable) So when they "order" me to keep eating, etc. it makes me that much more hell bent on doing the opposite.

I wish I wasn't so hard headed.

 

[Sarah10]

Ally
I know it sucks, being told you look better is abit of a kick in the teeth..
I managed okay when i was pregnant because i knew i had to eat for Jayden, but now he's here i know i can starve.. if that makes sense.
I had a good talk with o/h last night.. didn't go down well, he said its all 'me me me' and i think about myself too much, and if i really want to lose a few pounds then i should just take the dog out a few times a day.. does he really think thats just what its about? i wish it was as easy.

 

[jen1604]

Hi girls.
How is everyone? Sorry I have been absent,my laptop is in being repaired and its a mission and a half getting on here on my phone.
Well I'm doing much better than I was last time I posted.I've been doing low carb which has been so helpful to me,carbs and 'heavier' foods are a real trigger for me so cutting them out has meant I'm panicking less and eating loads more lovely healthy food!
Loads of love to all of you, I will be back as soon as the laptop is fixed. X x x x x

 

[tasha41]

Hi girls. Just got the net at the new house this week. Doing ok, minus this week? I went 18hrs without eating totally and felt like crap, but had to do groceries, take care of the baby, andddd work 5-11.. which was not fun at all.. so hopefully that is enough of a deterrent!

 

[jen1604]

Yay that you got the internet Tash, I missed you!

Glad you have been doing ok.you sound mad busy but remember to try and find some time to feed yourself! x

 

[Sarah10]

Hey
Doing okay at the mo, the thoughts are still there, and o/h decided to take us all to Mcdonalds today, of all places, ate abit but couldn't eat it all, but wanted to keep him happy, last thing he wants is me banging on about this ED and how i don't want to eat.
Also he wants us to go out on halloween, well the Saturday before, so his dad can look after Jayden, (nobody has looked after him yet) so i'm worried if he will be okay with him.. but feel guilty if you know what i mean? Also this puts pressure on me wanting to lose more weight, if we are going out, what if he will be looking at other girls.. thinking i'm fatter than all of them

Hope everyone is doing okay, and not feeling as useless as i am

I also find taking Jayden or the dog out for walks helpful, like i can eat because i'm walking/exercising if that makes sense.

x

 

[porkypig]

Hi hun, ive never had an eating disorder but just wanted to give my support to you as i kinder know how it feels and ive never had an issue with my body. Why do people feel the need to constantly comment on our bodies? and even more so when we're pregnant and emotional and hormonal all over the place? i remember when i was pregnant it was constant " youre big" " youre small" youve put on weight" " i think youre having a girl as your a**e is big" i really sympathise. it'll be hard to adjust to your new body but theres nothing you can do. my body is like is was before more or less and the few stretch marks i got are barely visible now. take care hun xxx

 

[futuremommy91]

I'm bulimic, I think. I used to bp 3/4x a week for a long time, but these past couple of months it's been once a day. I just know that I want to tear my heart out of my chest. I know I'll never be happy unless I'm thin, and that if I didn't have this I might try to commit suicide. I'm down so deep Restricting to 300-400 cals and purging the rest, but even then it's not enough. I haven't told anyone for multiple reasons. I'm scared, but I don't want to give it up.

 

[jen1604]

I'm bulimic, I think. I used to bp 3/4x a week for a long time, but these past couple of months it's been once a day. I just know that I want to tear my heart out of my chest. I know I'll never be happy unless I'm thin, and that if I didn't have this I might try to commit suicide. I'm down so deep Restricting to 300-400 cals and purging the rest, but even then it's not enough. I haven't told anyone for multiple reasons. I'm scared, but I don't want to give it up.

Hi honey

Firstly well done for speaking out.Thats the first step. You're really not getting enough calories to sustain you at the moment sweets,I expect youre feeling pretty shaky/cold/anxious most of the time at the moment aren't you?

I understand that you can't give up on the feeling of needing to be thin,I think all of us on here still have that and can understand it.But darling,you need to work out a plan so that you can be a healthy slim weight AND able to get enough calories to look after your body ok?

I really would recommend talking to a doctor but if you really dont want to I'm sure we on here will help you the best we can.Would you consider upping your calorie intake and then finding an exercise you love (I dont know if youre exercising at the moment?) so that you can work towards being healthy slim and toned as opposed to starving/purging and skinny?

Lots of love.XXXXX

 

[Sarah10]

I'm having such a crap day at the mo, Jayden doesn't sleep at night so i hardly ever sleep, and i feel like i can't look after him properly i'm such a crap mum, i know i need to eat to have the energy but i just dont want to

 

[jen1604]

I'm having such a crap day at the mo, Jayden doesn't sleep at night so i hardly ever sleep, and i feel like i can't look after him properly i'm such a crap mum, i know i need to eat to have the energy but i just dont want to

I know how crap not getting sleep can make you feel.Impacts on your whole state of mind.Try and eat something sweets even if its just a fruit salad and a yogurt? x

 

[Sarah10]

I had a dairylea dunker and felt a little bit better xx
how are you hunni? xx

 

[futuremommy91]

Thank you jen, you're so sweet

It's a bit better today, and yes. I'm shaky, panicking and too exhausted to think straight. But I'm also overweight, very much so. My whole life I've binged to help depression and anxiety, and the disgust I have with myself has just reached it's highest point. I'm trying to start working out in private (can't do it in front of other people) but when I do that I'll up the calorie intake.

Thank you so much.

 

[Sarah10]

how are you today?

 

[Groovychick]

Not doing too well either. Just got my today and worried about how I am going to cope.

 

[jen1604]

Not doing too well either. Just got my today and worried about how I am going to cope.

Sweetheart that is AMAZING news Congratulations!!!
You will cope and we're all here behind you to give you the support you need. XXXXXXXXXX

 

[Groovychick]

Thank you.

 

[Noodlejuice]

I just saw this on the "recent threads in" on the main forum list...I'm not going to read the whole 28 pages as I'm a.) tired and b.) doing ok at the moment but very easily triggered after 14 years of EDs. BUT but but, just in case it hasn't already been mentioned, there's a brilliant recovery-focused forum over at www.somethingfishy.org - very helpful, very heavily moderated and very positive. I've found a lot of support there in the past and would always recommend it to others.

Hope all you lovely ladies are ok, stay strong xxxxx

 

[Groovychick]

Thank you for sharing Noodlejuice.

 

[Sarachka]

Glad to find this thread. Have sufferred from anorexia since I was 14 with a couple of years in my early 20s without it. 25-now(28) have been more full on than my teenage days but the last 12 months have been slightly more relaxed although I still think about weight and size ALL the time. It's a massive worry about ttc, I'm so scared to gain a lot of weight and then not be able to lose it and absolutely hating myself and not bonding with the baby bc of it.